Post your corny jokes - Page 1307

**trailmaster** · February 20th, 2018, 11:57 AM

One morning a woman was walking out her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?" The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in ." The goblin replies "OK, you've got it." Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

The next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me", says the man, "how old are you?" "i'm 27 , she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins."

~~}[eywood~~ · February 20th, 2018, 01:17 PM

I wonder how many second graders I could beat up if they came at me in waves of ten with a fifth grader boss every fifth wave

**photoflex** · February 20th, 2018, 02:21 PM

Sometimes I wonder...

...whatever happened to the people who asked me for directions...?

**bfg9000** · February 20th, 2018, 03:19 PM

Two guys were in the golf club when he turned to his buddy and noticed he had a black eye. He asked his friend about it so he told him how he got it.

The man started to play a round of golf. He was behind a woman who was just learning the game. The man noticed that her ball went all over the place and sometimes would have to look for it.

One hole was near a cow pasture. He watched the lady put the ball into the cow pasture. So as a gesture of good faith, she asked for help to look for it.

They both looked for an hour in the cow pasture, with no success of finding the ball. Then out of the corner of his eye he notices a cow walking funny. He went to the cow and found that the woman's golf ball was in the rear end of the cow.

He yelled at the lady, and lifted the cow's tail and said, "Does this look like yours!?". That's how he got the black eye!

**gedly** · February 20th, 2018, 06:27 PM

So these coppers say to me, "Look, all we want are names and addresses. That's all we need. What can you do for us?"
So I reply, " Well have you tried going to the municipal offices and asking for the voters' register?"

**ManofKent** · February 20th, 2018, 08:56 PM

Here's something that popped into my head for no reason:

What do you call a Russian feminist?

Miss Soginistik!

**mrfixit** · February 20th, 2018, 11:07 PM

**mrfixit** · February 20th, 2018, 11:25 PM

~~}[eywood~~ · February 20th, 2018, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManofKent

Here's something that popped into my head for no reason:

What do you call a Russian feminist?

Miss Soginistik!

That would be Ms. Soginistik

**mrfixit** · February 21st, 2018, 12:32 AM

Fred gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.
“So what do I do first?”
His father replied, “Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.”
5 minutes later Fred’s on the phone again.
“She’s naked and in bed, what do I do now???
His father can’t believe what he is hearing, “Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her.”
After another 5 minutes poor Fred is on the phone again.
“Dad, I’m naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?”
His dad’s patience is now running thin so he says, “Shit son! Do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Goodnight!!!”
Just when the old man starts snoring, his son is on the phone once again. “Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next”
“DROWN YOURSELF, YOU F**KING IDIOT!

February 20th, 2018, 02:21 PM	#13063
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,920 Thanked 127,769 Times in 3,570 Posts	Sometimes I wonder... ...whatever happened to the people who asked me for directions...? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

February 20th, 2018, 03:19 PM	#13064
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	Two guys were in the golf club when he turned to his buddy and noticed he had a black eye. He asked his friend about it so he told him how he got it. The man started to play a round of golf. He was behind a woman who was just learning the game. The man noticed that her ball went all over the place and sometimes would have to look for it. One hole was near a cow pasture. He watched the lady put the ball into the cow pasture. So as a gesture of good faith, she asked for help to look for it. They both looked for an hour in the cow pasture, with no success of finding the ball. Then out of the corner of his eye he notices a cow walking funny. He went to the cow and found that the woman's golf ball was in the rear end of the cow. He yelled at the lady, and lifted the cow's tail and said, "Does this look like yours!?". That's how he got the black eye! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson Last edited by bfg9000; February 20th, 2018 at 03:22 PM.. Reason: had to edit it

February 20th, 2018, 11:07 PM	#13067
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,810 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

February 20th, 2018, 11:25 PM	#13068
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,810 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

February 21st, 2018, 12:32 AM	#13070
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,810 Times in 9,416 Posts	Fred gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before. “So what do I do first?” His father replied, “Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.” 5 minutes later Fred’s on the phone again. “She’s naked and in bed, what do I do now??? His father can’t believe what he is hearing, “Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her.” After another 5 minutes poor Fred is on the phone again. “Dad, I’m naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?” His dad’s patience is now running thin so he says, “Shit son! Do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Goodnight!!!” Just when the old man starts snoring, his son is on the phone once again. “Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next” “DROWN YOURSELF, YOU F*KING IDIOT! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.* Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

February 20th, 2018, 11:57 AM	#13061
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,888 Thanks: 1,328,972 Thanked 707,168 Times in 60,062 Posts	One morning a woman was walking out her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?" The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in ." The goblin replies "OK, you've got it." Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." The next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me", says the man, "how old are you?" "i'm 27 , she replies "Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins."

February 20th, 2018, 01:17 PM	#13062
~~}[eywood~~ Banned! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: NY Posts: 548 Thanks: 123 Thanked 3,505 Times in 511 Posts	I wonder how many second graders I could beat up if they came at me in waves of ten with a fifth grader boss every fifth wave

February 20th, 2018, 06:27 PM	#13065
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,306 Times in 3,171 Posts	So these coppers say to me, "Look, all we want are names and addresses. That's all we need. What can you do for us?" So I reply, " Well have you tried going to the municipal offices and asking for the voters' register?"

February 20th, 2018, 08:56 PM	#13066
ManofKent Vintage Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: U.K Posts: 1,130 Thanks: 10,125 Thanked 13,832 Times in 1,113 Posts	Here's something that popped into my head for no reason: What do you call a Russian feminist? Miss Soginistik!

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