Excuses for anything - Page 2

**TCO95** · May 10th, 2013, 07:40 PM

This isn't one of mine but it's a dandy.

"I was determined to be here on time so I rushed through the morning ritual. When I left the house, my face still wet from shaving, the wind blew the storm door against me and it froze to my face. I had to stand there until a kind stranger thawed me out and I could rush to be here."

We all had a good laugh and he was forgiven.

**tygrkhat40** · May 10th, 2013, 07:41 PM

When I was in high school, our lab classes were double the time of every other class. One of my classmates came in for the second half of the class and when the teacher asked why he was late, he said he couldn't get through the halls.

**haroldeye** · May 11th, 2013, 07:00 AM

An MP and cabinet member was working with a voluntary organisation over the summer recess. He announced one evening that he would not be able to work the next day as 'There was an emergency cabinet meeting which he had to attend'.

**palo5** · May 11th, 2013, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estreeter

A good excuse for not wanting sex

I just ate, gotta wait a while

Actually, you don't need an excuse. Just say you need to take a heavy sh*t first

**sweatyhat** · May 11th, 2013, 08:22 AM

I hate nosey parkers who think they've a right to an answer just for asking prying questions. With a smile on my face I tell them I'm off gassing badgers, which is less rude than saying @#$£ off. They usually get the message.

Estreeter · May 11th, 2013, 12:47 PM

Excuse for not showing up too work

Because you are an overpaid middle management overweight bad breathe dumb fuck useless misinformed alcoholic lying manipulating prick, all I have is a sniffle and don't need my blood pressure raised by you, you pathetic cunt

Well, I'd like too use that

**palo5** · May 11th, 2013, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Estreeter

Excuse for not showing up too work

Because you are an overpaid middle management overweight bad breathe dumb fuck useless misinformed alcoholic lying manipulating prick, all I have is a sniffle and don't need my blood pressure raised by you, you pathetic cunt

Well, I'd like too use that

Well, there is a question of credibility

You can't play with animals...

...or gangsters...

on two Continents like you, and still pretend you get Flu like a 16 year-old apprentice

**Warren G** · May 17th, 2013, 08:57 AM

Way back in 76-78 I drove a cab in Jersey City, NJ. One day I missed work because I walked out in the driveway to the car and slipped on the ice, landing on my back. The next day I told my boss, Stanley exactly what had happened. (He would sit in his car in back of the cab stand, chewing his cigar and spitting at your feet.) Well, he got all pissed off anyway. He didn't want to hear it.

Later on I learned that what Stanley really wanted to hear was bullshit. He loved it. Stanley just really loved a good story.

So the next time I missed work I told him I had been kidnapped by a wandering band of gypsies.

So he said..."yeah?????"....(he talked like Edward G. Robinson).

"Ok...go back to work..."

Mmmmmmmyeah!!! See?

**billybunter** · May 17th, 2013, 09:30 AM

I hate people being late. A mate of mine was an half hour late one day, he said his car had broken down, but I spied him nipping into a pub. When I told him i'd seen him he went bright red and said you basket BB.

P37 · May 17th, 2013, 10:15 AM

"the voices in my head told me to stay home and sharpen my knife collection"

this will work for most questions as to why you were late as people tend to shut up and hurry off

May 10th, 2013, 07:41 PM	#12
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 152,323 Times in 9,629 Posts	When I was in high school, our lab classes were double the time of every other class. One of my classmates came in for the second half of the class and when the teacher asked why he was late, he said he couldn't get through the halls. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 11th, 2013, 08:22 AM	#15
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,901 Times in 10,563 Posts	I hate nosey parkers who think they've a right to an answer just for asking prying questions. With a smile on my face I tell them I'm off gassing badgers, which is less rude than saying @#$£ off. They usually get the message. __________________

May 11th, 2013, 12:47 PM	#16
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,116 Thanks: 449,709 Thanked 896,758 Times in 60,312 Posts	Excuse for not showing up too work Because you are an overpaid middle management overweight bad breathe dumb fuck useless misinformed alcoholic lying manipulating prick, all I have is a sniffle and don't need my blood pressure raised by you, you pathetic cunt Well, I'd like too use that __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 17th, 2013, 09:30 AM	#19
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,372 Times in 14,171 Posts	I hate people being late. A mate of mine was an half hour late one day, he said his car had broken down, but I spied him nipping into a pub. When I told him i'd seen him he went bright red and said you basket BB. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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May 10th, 2013, 07:40 PM	#11
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,797 Times in 5,130 Posts	This isn't one of mine but it's a dandy. "I was determined to be here on time so I rushed through the morning ritual. When I left the house, my face still wet from shaving, the wind blew the storm door against me and it froze to my face. I had to stand there until a kind stranger thawed me out and I could rush to be here." We all had a good laugh and he was forgiven.

May 11th, 2013, 07:00 AM	#13
haroldeye Moderator Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Halfwitistan Posts: 5,715 Thanks: 113,487 Thanked 59,962 Times in 5,707 Posts	An MP and cabinet member was working with a voluntary organisation over the summer recess. He announced one evening that he would not be able to work the next day as 'There was an emergency cabinet meeting which he had to attend'.

May 17th, 2013, 08:57 AM	#18
Warren G Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 1,473 Thanks: 5,632 Thanked 32,250 Times in 1,479 Posts	Way back in 76-78 I drove a cab in Jersey City, NJ. One day I missed work because I walked out in the driveway to the car and slipped on the ice, landing on my back. The next day I told my boss, Stanley exactly what had happened. (He would sit in his car in back of the cab stand, chewing his cigar and spitting at your feet.) Well, he got all pissed off anyway. He didn't want to hear it. Later on I learned that what Stanley really wanted to hear was bullshit. He loved it. Stanley just really loved a good story. So the next time I missed work I told him I had been kidnapped by a wandering band of gypsies. So he said..."yeah?????"....(he talked like Edward G. Robinson). "Ok...go back to work..." Mmmmmmmyeah!!! See?

May 17th, 2013, 10:15 AM	#20
P37 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: in the deep end Posts: 648 Thanks: 4,235 Thanked 5,569 Times in 620 Posts	"the voices in my head told me to stay home and sharpen my knife collection" this will work for most questions as to why you were late as people tend to shut up and hurry off