Post your corny jokes - Page 721

**slisse** · December 10th, 2013, 12:37 PM

My twat of a neighbor knocked on my door at 2am this morning but I didn't bother letting him in.

I mean, who the fuck turns up to a party wearing a dressing gown and slippers?

DrFishnets · December 10th, 2013, 12:38 PM

How many animals can you fit into a pair of womens tights?

2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, countless hares, the occasional cock and 1 dead fish that nobody can find...

MaxJoker · December 10th, 2013, 04:19 PM

I have a friend in Afghanistan who makes a living selling bombs disguised as prayer mats.

Claims prophets are going sky high !.

News flash.

Bono has just learjet arrived in Soweto for Nelson Mandela's funeral.

Exactly.

Like the South African`s weren`t depressed enough already !.

My old man hasn`t done a proper days work for forty years.

He's employed by the council.

**retroanalyst** · December 10th, 2013, 07:18 PM

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?

**DonnyJoe** · December 10th, 2013, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by retroanalyst

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?

I've been a diabetic for 30 years but that's still FUNNY!

dazza2 · December 10th, 2013, 08:03 PM

Why did the M.P. cross the road????

Nah! nobody knows but he did claim £300 on his travel expenses

**Jonno71** · December 11th, 2013, 09:08 AM

I turned the TV on early to see people singing and dancing at a funeral.

My hopes were built up at first because I thought Piers Morgan had died.

**Jonno71** · December 11th, 2013, 09:09 AM

I hate it when woman single me out...

Especially during a police line-up.

**Jonno71** · December 11th, 2013, 01:22 PM

People have told me to get in the Christmas spirit. So I have...

I tipped off the traffic police to be on the look out for Santa on Christmas Eve as he will be working and driving under influence of alcohol.

**photoflex** · December 11th, 2013, 02:08 PM

Well, it turns out that an infinite number of chimpanzees with an infinite number of typewriters over an infinite length of time do not produce the complete works of Shakespeare. But they did write 'Banana'.

December 10th, 2013, 12:37 PM	#7201
slisse Vintage Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: BE Posts: 2,405 Thanks: 32,668 Thanked 72,518 Times in 2,481 Posts	My twat of a neighbor knocked on my door at 2am this morning but I didn't bother letting him in. I mean, who the fuck turns up to a party wearing a dressing gown and slippers? __________________ Life is short, so try to make the best of it. If any of my links isn't working, please send me a PM so I can fix it. Thank you.

December 10th, 2013, 12:38 PM	#7202
DrFishnets Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 167 Thanks: 117 Thanked 1,977 Times in 160 Posts	How many animals can you fit into a pair of womens tights? 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, countless hares, the occasional cock and 1 dead fish that nobody can find... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by DrFishnets; December 10th, 2013 at 08:31 PM..

December 10th, 2013, 04:19 PM	#7203
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	I have a friend in Afghanistan who makes a living selling bombs disguised as prayer mats. Claims prophets are going sky high !. News flash. Bono has just learjet arrived in Soweto for Nelson Mandela's funeral. Exactly. Like the South African`s weren`t depressed enough already !. My old man hasn`t done a proper days work for forty years. He's employed by the council. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 10th, 2013, 07:18 PM	#7204
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 121,998 Thanked 47,462 Times in 3,337 Posts	Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question? __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

December 11th, 2013, 02:08 PM	#7210
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,786 Times in 3,570 Posts	Well, it turns out that an infinite number of chimpanzees with an infinite number of typewriters over an infinite length of time do not produce the complete works of Shakespeare. But they did write 'Banana'. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

December 10th, 2013, 08:03 PM	#7206
dazza2 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Posts: 192 Thanks: 6,564 Thanked 2,853 Times in 189 Posts	Why did the M.P. cross the road???? Nah! nobody knows but he did claim £300 on his travel expenses

December 11th, 2013, 09:08 AM	#7207
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	I turned the TV on early to see people singing and dancing at a funeral. My hopes were built up at first because I thought Piers Morgan had died.

December 11th, 2013, 09:09 AM	#7208
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	I hate it when woman single me out... Especially during a police line-up.

December 11th, 2013, 01:22 PM	#7209
Jonno71 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Right here... Right now. Posts: 1,497 Thanks: 8,831 Thanked 75,959 Times in 1,503 Posts	People have told me to get in the Christmas spirit. So I have... I tipped off the traffic police to be on the look out for Santa on Christmas Eve as he will be working and driving under influence of alcohol.