Post your corny jokes - Page 1185

**trailmaster** · December 8th, 2016, 01:05 PM

Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" askes the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"

**SanteeFats** · December 8th, 2016, 02:22 PM

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

**Staffsyeoman** · December 8th, 2016, 02:52 PM

A Viking warrior, Rudolf is one of the earliest scientists, particularly interested in what will be known as meteorology. Rudolf is a tall, luxuriantly ginger haired and bearded man. In fact, his sense and use of mosses is uncanny, and his group consult him before boarding ship heading for pillage. His wife is less certain. One day, Rudolf goes out of the hut, sniffs the air and looks at the moss. "Hmm... postpone sailing... high winds and precipitation imminent.." "What rubbish! How can you be sure by sniffiing!" says the wife. "Rudolf The Red knows rain, dear...."

**trailmaster** · December 9th, 2016, 12:40 PM

A daughter asked her mother, "Mom, how do you spell 'scrotum'?" Her mom replied, "Honey, you should have asked me last night--it was on the tip of my tongue."
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A man and his wife are having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you donig in bed this late?" She replied, "Getting a second opinion."

**tygrkhat40** · December 9th, 2016, 02:13 PM

A long married couple are sitting watching TV when the husband smacks his wife in the head saying, "That's for being a lousy lay!" Ten minutes later she smacks him back saying, "That's for knowing the difference!"

**SanteeFats** · December 9th, 2016, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tygrkhat40

A long married couple are sitting watching TV when the husband smacks his wife in the head saying, "That's for being a lousy lay!" Ten minutes later she smacks him back saying, "That's for knowing the difference!"

So my Irishmen joke was old huh???

MaxJoker · December 10th, 2016, 07:29 AM

**Mal Hombre** · December 10th, 2016, 07:45 AM

I used to work for an origami business until it folded..

Bill derBerg · December 10th, 2016, 01:56 PM

I am nothing until you look at me.
What am I?

A mirror.

**effCup** · December 10th, 2016, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill derBerg

I am nothing until you look at me.

& after that you've either got it cracked or are cracked.

Tempted to write "or have a crack in you" but that may too easily be misunderstood on this site.

December 9th, 2016, 02:13 PM	#11845
tygrkhat40 Long Suffering Bills Fan Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: The City of Good Neighbors Posts: 9,669 Thanks: 304,243 Thanked 152,623 Times in 9,629 Posts	A long married couple are sitting watching TV when the husband smacks his wife in the head saying, "That's for being a lousy lay!" Ten minutes later she smacks him back saying, "That's for knowing the difference!" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 10th, 2016, 07:29 AM	#11847
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Am currently reading a book about a paper towel , finding it very absorbing __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 10th, 2016, 07:45 AM	#11848
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,750 Thanked 855,838 Times in 57,575 Posts	I used to work for an origami business until it folded.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 8th, 2016, 01:05 PM	#11841
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,904 Thanks: 1,329,092 Thanked 707,279 Times in 60,078 Posts	Two guys sneak into a farmer's orchard and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. "Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of whatever fruit you want," said the farmer. The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. The farmer says, "Now shove 'em all up your ass." The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh. "Why are you laughing?" askes the farmer. And the guy replies, "My friend is out picking watermelons!"

December 8th, 2016, 02:22 PM	#11842
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 814,011 Times in 60,881 Posts	If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches? At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

December 8th, 2016, 02:52 PM	#11843
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,269 Thanks: 34,179 Thanked 26,756 Times in 2,160 Posts	A Viking warrior, Rudolf is one of the earliest scientists, particularly interested in what will be known as meteorology. Rudolf is a tall, luxuriantly ginger haired and bearded man. In fact, his sense and use of mosses is uncanny, and his group consult him before boarding ship heading for pillage. His wife is less certain. One day, Rudolf goes out of the hut, sniffs the air and looks at the moss. "Hmm... postpone sailing... high winds and precipitation imminent.." "What rubbish! How can you be sure by sniffiing!" says the wife. "Rudolf The Red knows rain, dear...."

December 9th, 2016, 12:40 PM	#11844
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,904 Thanks: 1,329,092 Thanked 707,279 Times in 60,078 Posts	A daughter asked her mother, "Mom, how do you spell 'scrotum'?" Her mom replied, "Honey, you should have asked me last night--it was on the tip of my tongue." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man and his wife are having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you donig in bed this late?" She replied, "Getting a second opinion."

December 10th, 2016, 01:56 PM	#11849
Bill derBerg Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Location: My own little reality. Posts: 1,257 Thanks: 17,648 Thanked 18,325 Times in 1,256 Posts	I am nothing until you look at me. What am I? A mirror.