Post your corny jokes - Page 923

**Mal Hombre** · March 1st, 2015, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tygrkhat40

And it's appropros of nothing.

Come on,We're not all as Au Fait with French as You are..

richdonocc · March 1st, 2015, 02:48 PM

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
'You know what?' says the 5 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'
'Ok' the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.
'Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops '
WHACK...she spanks him
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops'

richdonocc · March 1st, 2015, 02:49 PM

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'. The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!' The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

richdonocc · March 1st, 2015, 02:49 PM

A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh Goddammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."

**gmcbee** · March 1st, 2015, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Come on,We're not all as Au Fait with French as You are..

The French are so lazy, they don't even have a word for entrepreneur.

**gedly** · March 1st, 2015, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Come on,We're not all as Au Fait with French as You are..

If they start quoting Latin, they'll definitely be persona non grata with me.

**Mal Hombre** · March 1st, 2015, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

If they start quoting Latin, they'll definitely be persona non grata with me.

Oh Lord,This is going to go on Ad Nauseam....

**19gc19** · March 1st, 2015, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

Hey dang nab it this is suppose to be an English forum. If you are going to post in another language at least translate it, please.

Well, well, well... and what do you think about "langage" without "u" like in french? A little snobish maybe...

**photoflex** · March 1st, 2015, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 19gc19

Well, well, well... and what do you think about "langage" without "u" like in french? A little snobish maybe...

There's nobish like snobish!

**tamsmith** · March 1st, 2015, 11:36 PM

Beware of OLD Men
A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am.

'About 32,' is the reply.' 'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

'I was behind you at McDonalds'

March 1st, 2015, 02:48 PM	#9222
richdonocc Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2015 Posts: 5 Thanks: 0 Thanked 63 Times in 3 Posts	Spank A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom 'You know what?' says the 5 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.' The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?' 'Ok' the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. 'Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops ' WHACK...she spanks him He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?' 'I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops'

March 1st, 2015, 02:49 PM	#9223
richdonocc Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2015 Posts: 5 Thanks: 0 Thanked 63 Times in 3 Posts	Rubbish dog joke A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'. The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!' The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

March 1st, 2015, 02:49 PM	#9224
richdonocc Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2015 Posts: 5 Thanks: 0 Thanked 63 Times in 3 Posts	Classic A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh Goddammit, no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."

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March 1st, 2015, 11:36 PM	#9230
tamsmith Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Coming close to the Slippery Slope. Posts: 7,800 Thanks: 77,915 Thanked 280,411 Times in 9,078 Posts	Beware of OLD Men A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am. 'About 32,' is the reply.' 'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.' Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!' While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.' They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.' He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?' He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.' Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?' 'I was behind you at McDonalds'