Post your corny jokes - Page 1101

**SanteeFats** · May 31st, 2016, 10:52 PM

In case you can't tell I ran across several Little Johnny jokes. Enjoy or suffer as you choose.

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. She says, “Johnny, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that’, you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!” There’s a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, “Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.”

**gedly** · May 31st, 2016, 11:59 PM

Boil, roast, grill or fry? It's a subject of much heated debate.

**bp666** · June 1st, 2016, 02:10 AM

I'm in a relationship with a Chinese actress who won't tell me her name. I'm worried she'll break up with me as whenever I ask her what her name is she say's "I'm bailing"

**captpike** · June 1st, 2016, 10:27 AM

Thieves had broken into my friend's house and stolen everything except their soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

**effCup** · June 1st, 2016, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

I ran across several Little Johnny jokes.

Keeping fit or in a car?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SanteeFats

In case you can't tell

Your secret's safe with me, SF.

**SanteeFats** · June 1st, 2016, 01:25 PM

Well then here are a couple more.

The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious language and was shocked. “Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn that?”
“I’ve got it from my dad, Miss,” replies Johnny.
“Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what all that even means.”
“Oh but I do,” says Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

The teacher was trying to put to use her recent psychology education.
She asked everyone in her class, "Alright, if any of you think you are stupid, please stand up!"
A few seconds pass by and then Little Johnny stands up.
Startled, the teacher says, "Oh, do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, Miss, but I didn’t want to leave you standing all alone!"

IronHerder · June 1st, 2016, 01:42 PM

Please note that my dim distant past is anything that I don't remember clearly -- which means everything before last week.

Mary had a little lamb,
and with this sheep she went to sleep.
The lamb turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb.

IronHerder · June 1st, 2016, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captpike

Thieves had broken into my friend's house and stolen everything except their soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

They should've cleaned out everything so that they could've made a clean getaway.

**captpike** · June 2nd, 2016, 02:21 AM

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

**photoflex** · June 3rd, 2016, 02:23 AM

A little boy told me that smoking was bad for me.
So I burst his balloon with my cigarette and said:
"Didn't your mum teach you not talk to strangers?"

June 1st, 2016, 10:27 AM	#11004
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,335 Thanked 47,306 Times in 1,164 Posts	Thieves had broken into my friend's house and stolen everything except their soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

June 1st, 2016, 01:42 PM	#11007
IronHerder Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: Fly Over State, USA Posts: 131 Thanks: 5,115 Thanked 2,923 Times in 131 Posts	juvenile humour, from my dim distant past Please note that my dim distant past is anything that I don't remember clearly -- which means everything before last week. Mary had a little lamb, and with this sheep she went to sleep. The lamb turned out to be a ram, Mary had a little lamb. __________________ "Never willfully ignore beauty, because we have a moral and religious obligation to appreciate God's creation" (copyright 2011, IronHerder) Last edited by IronHerder; June 1st, 2016 at 01:46 PM.. Reason: improved (?) the wording

June 2nd, 2016, 02:21 AM	#11009
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,335 Thanked 47,306 Times in 1,164 Posts	How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

June 3rd, 2016, 02:23 AM	#11010
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,779 Times in 3,570 Posts	A little boy told me that smoking was bad for me. So I burst his balloon with my cigarette and said: "Didn't your mum teach you not talk to strangers?" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

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May 31st, 2016, 10:52 PM	#11001
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,828 Thanks: 281,847 Thanked 813,872 Times in 60,872 Posts	In case you can't tell I ran across several Little Johnny jokes. Enjoy or suffer as you choose. Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!” Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?” Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. She says, “Johnny, if I hear one more time ‘Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that’, you will be in big trouble! I don’t want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Now off to bed you go!” There’s a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, “Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please.”

May 31st, 2016, 11:59 PM	#11002
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,311 Times in 3,171 Posts	Boil, roast, grill or fry? It's a subject of much heated debate.

June 1st, 2016, 02:10 AM	#11003
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,073 Thanks: 77,544 Thanked 14,184 Times in 1,074 Posts	I'm in a relationship with a Chinese actress who won't tell me her name. I'm worried she'll break up with me as whenever I ask her what her name is she say's "I'm bailing"

June 1st, 2016, 01:25 PM	#11006
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,828 Thanks: 281,847 Thanked 813,872 Times in 60,872 Posts	Well then here are a couple more. The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious language and was shocked. “Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn that?” “I’ve got it from my dad, Miss,” replies Johnny. “Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what all that even means.” “Oh but I do,” says Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.” The teacher was trying to put to use her recent psychology education. She asked everyone in her class, "Alright, if any of you think you are stupid, please stand up!" A few seconds pass by and then Little Johnny stands up. Startled, the teacher says, "Oh, do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, Miss, but I didn’t want to leave you standing all alone!"