Post your corny jokes - Page 1437

MaxJoker · March 11th, 2019, 05:04 PM

Got given a blindfold as a present ,

Can't see myself wearing it though.

**bfg9000** · March 12th, 2019, 12:53 AM

I can't make a vitamin but I make a hormone!

**trailmaster** · March 13th, 2019, 12:08 PM

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny. "Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted. "No," said Johnny, "But he minded his own fcking business."

MaxJoker · March 13th, 2019, 01:00 PM

My therapist told me time heal all wounds ,

So I stabbed him in the stomach ,

Now we wait.

**mrfixit** · March 13th, 2019, 03:56 PM

**seldomseen** · March 13th, 2019, 03:58 PM

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

MaxJoker · March 13th, 2019, 04:19 PM

Why can't orphans play baseball ? ,

They never know where home is .

**gedly** · March 13th, 2019, 09:57 PM

I got a lovely message from the tax people today. They've told me that my tax return is outstanding. I was delighted to learn that but I don't actually recall sending one.

**bp666** · March 14th, 2019, 05:56 AM

as a traffic warden's coffin was lowered into the grave, a loud voice yelled out "let me out - i'm still alive".

the pastor moved closer to the coffin and said "it's too f**king late, mate. i've already filled out the paperwork".

**trailmaster** · March 14th, 2019, 11:02 AM

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.

Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"

Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."

Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"

Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."

Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"

Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

March 11th, 2019, 05:04 PM	#14361
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,901 Times in 69,067 Posts	Got given a blindfold as a present , Can't see myself wearing it though. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 12th, 2019, 12:53 AM	#14362
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	I can't make a vitamin but I make a hormone! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

March 13th, 2019, 01:00 PM	#14364
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,901 Times in 69,067 Posts	My therapist told me time heal all wounds , So I stabbed him in the stomach , Now we wait. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 13th, 2019, 03:56 PM	#14365
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 166,060 Thanked 114,860 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

March 13th, 2019, 03:58 PM	#14366
seldomseen Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 38,203 Thanks: 127,400 Thanked 712,128 Times in 38,112 Posts	I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. __________________ -------------------------------------------------------------- Some hae meat, and canna eat.

March 13th, 2019, 12:08 PM	#14363
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,933 Thanks: 1,329,434 Thanked 707,595 Times in 60,107 Posts	Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?" "My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny. "Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted. "No," said Johnny, "But he minded his own fcking business."

March 13th, 2019, 04:19 PM	#14367
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,901 Times in 69,067 Posts	Why can't orphans play baseball ? , They never know where home is . __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 13th, 2019, 09:57 PM	#14368
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,347 Times in 3,173 Posts	I got a lovely message from the tax people today. They've told me that my tax return is outstanding. I was delighted to learn that but I don't actually recall sending one.

March 14th, 2019, 05:56 AM	#14369
bp666 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 1,077 Thanks: 77,658 Thanked 14,213 Times in 1,078 Posts	as a traffic warden's coffin was lowered into the grave, a loud voice yelled out "let me out - i'm still alive". the pastor moved closer to the coffin and said "it's too f**king late, mate. i've already filled out the paperwork".

March 14th, 2019, 11:02 AM	#14370
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,933 Thanks: 1,329,434 Thanked 707,595 Times in 60,107 Posts	A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: "Can I see your dad?" Johnny: "No, he's in the shower." Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?" Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too." Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?" Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."