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Old 04-22-2018, 10:29 AM   #13681
PJayBr
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God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the River."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......"

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez...." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

In about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

Adam said "What's a Headache?"
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Old 04-22-2018, 05:19 PM   #13682
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A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.
The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next child, a little boy, said: “My name is Andy and my dad’s a mechanic.”
And so it went on until one little boy said: “My name is Johnny and my dad is a stripper in a gay bar.”
The teacher gasped in shock and quickly changed the subject. Later in the school yard the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his father danced naked in a gay bar.
Johnny blushed and said: “No, he’s really a business development director at Lehman Brothers, but I’m just too embarrassed to tell anyone.”
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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Old 04-24-2018, 07:32 PM   #13683
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A Short Guide to Comparative Religions

Taoism
Shit happens.
Confucianism
Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism
This shit is just an illusion.
Zen Buddhism
What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism
This shit has happened before.
Mormonism
This shit is going to happen again.
Islam
If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Stoicism
This shit is its own reward.
Protestantism
Let this shit happen to someone else.
Calvinism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Pentecostalism
In Jesus' name, heal this shit!
Catholicism
If Shit happens I deserve it.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Zoroastrianism
There is good shit and there is bad shit.
Marxism
The shit is going to hit the fan.
Atheism
No shit.
Seventh Day Adventist
No shit on Saturdays.
Existentialism
Shit is Absurd .
Agnosticism
Is this shit real?
Nihilism
Who gives a shit?
Christian Science
Shit is in your mind.
Jehovah's Witnesses
Knock, Knock, shit happens.
Dyslexic
This happens.
Scientology
Shit happens on page 152 of Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard
Hare Krishna
Shit happens, Rama Rama, hare Rama.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.
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Last edited by rondori; 04-24-2018 at 07:34 PM.. Reason: table
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Old 04-25-2018, 04:20 PM   #13684
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I will someday see kids gather together with their cell phones in a circle, choosing up for some sort of Internet game:

Bluetooth
Bluetooth
How old
Are you?
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Old 04-25-2018, 10:46 PM   #13685
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Electrons? They've so much negativity.
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Old 04-27-2018, 01:52 AM   #13686
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What has four legs, and flies?

Two pairs of pants.
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Old 04-27-2018, 02:16 AM   #13687
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What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.
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Old 04-28-2018, 02:54 AM   #13688
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I understand Janelle MonŠe has come out as pan-sexual and that many people were confused and had to look up the term. Has everyone forgotten 70's rock or not known any sailors or shepherds?
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Old 04-28-2018, 11:55 AM   #13689
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American bakeries too often abbreviate "Birthday" on cake decoration. One new employee couldn't recall is he should use a hyphen or an apostrophe. He asked a college graduate how to spell the word.

Yeah. It came out "Happy Bidet Mom."
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Old 04-28-2018, 08:08 PM   #13690
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Even the best marriages go through rough patches.
Why women do this, nobody knows.
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