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Old 06-14-2017, 01:01 PM   #12691
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I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station... I just started filling up.
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Old 06-14-2017, 11:10 PM   #12692
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A waitress screamed "Does anyone know CPR?" I shouted "Hell, I know the whole alphabet!".
Everyone laughed. Well everyone except this one guy.
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Old 06-15-2017, 01:14 AM   #12693
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When I was young, I was forced to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.
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Old 06-15-2017, 01:16 AM   #12694
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Police Officer: I'm sorry sir but it looks like your wife got run over by a truck.

Husband: I know but she has a great personality and swallows all my loads.

Police Officer: What??
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Old 06-15-2017, 02:38 PM   #12695
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I asked my son if he’d seen my newspaper. He replied "They're old school" and handed me his iPad.

That fly didn’t stand a chance.

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Old 06-16-2017, 12:22 PM   #12696
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My wife has just left me due to my ongoing obsession with cricket. It's really hit me for 6.
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Old 06-16-2017, 12:54 PM   #12697
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anothercustom View Post
My wife has just left me due to my ongoing obsession with cricket. It's really hit me for 6.
I'm stumped at what advice to give - but you'll just have to go out and bowl another maiden over.

You might lose your house - so check your insurance in case you need extra cover.
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Old 06-16-2017, 01:28 PM   #12698
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bloke57 View Post
in case you need extra cover.
Are you standing at silly mid scoff, blokey?
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Old 06-16-2017, 01:45 PM   #12699
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It's really a sticky wicket if you keep using references that go over the heads of us poor Yanks.
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Old 06-16-2017, 03:18 PM   #12700
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I bought a book on eBay called "How to Scam Idiots on eBay". Three months later and it's still not arrived.
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