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Old 02-04-2017, 02:36 PM   #12291
SanteeFats
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Two drunks are sitting in a bar when one of them turns to the other one and asks, "Hey, isn't that Hortense?"
The other drunk chimes in and says, "No, she looks pretty relaxed to me."
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Old 02-04-2017, 02:55 PM   #12292
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jafad View Post
Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
I once went on a course on how to deal with negative emotions. I just had to leave. There was just so much bad feelings.
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Old 02-05-2017, 06:13 AM   #12293
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PJayBr View Post
Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, "I'm a vet, so I can drive like an animal."

It was at that moment that I suddenly realised just how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.
Proctologists. In my area, it's proctologists.
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Old 02-05-2017, 09:43 AM   #12294
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Originally Posted by PJayBr View Post
"I'm a vet, so I can drive like an animal."
War can do that to many folks. Funny, though, how they don't simply drive like a bullet-train driver?
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Old 02-06-2017, 07:46 PM   #12295
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I asked my greengrocer why his lettuce stocks seemed so low, and said that three quarters of his icebergs were under the counter....
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Old 02-07-2017, 02:50 AM   #12296
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Did you hear about the new Fleetwood Mac cover band?
Sweetwood Mac.
Fronted by Stevia Nicks, of course...

<running and dodging the tomatoes...>
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Old 02-07-2017, 11:00 AM   #12297
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I've just got a dog that can do magic trickes.

It's a Labracadabra!!!
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Old 02-08-2017, 02:02 AM   #12298
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Why did the anvil have to go to AA?



because it was always getting hammered
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Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:37 AM   #12299
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Overnight, there was a break in at the Cineworld at Hemel Hempstead. Police estimate that the thieves got away with some 1500 worth of goods: one large popcorn, two hot dogs and a medium diet Coke.
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:46 AM   #12300
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What do you call an unpredictable camera

Loose Canon
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