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Old 12-29-2016, 04:58 PM   #12271
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There is an ad running here from Victoria's Secret. Buy one bra get a second one half off. So I went into the nearest one and asked to see the models with the half off bras.
A friend posted bail.
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Old 12-30-2016, 08:19 AM   #12272
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An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way...
So I moved the mirror.


It is very difficult to convince a pregnant girlfriend that you are not the person she deserves.


I just recently installed a new loft ladder I got for Christmas. Now it's time to read the instructions on how to use it.

Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3.
Step 4.


There once was a man called Dave
Who dug up a prostitutes grave
She was mouldy as shit
Minus one tit
But look at the money he saved!

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Old 12-30-2016, 08:50 AM   #12273
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Quote:
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So I moved the mirror.
Thought you were going to say: broke the glass ceiling.
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Old 12-30-2016, 09:11 AM   #12274
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Quote:
Originally Posted by effCup View Post
Thought you were going to say: broke the glass ceiling.
That is the reason I don't even look in the rearview mirror
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Old 12-30-2016, 12:38 PM   #12275
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I'm thinking of buying a Millennium Falcon. So I said to the dealer, "So I can use my mobile without taking my hands off the controls?" "Oh certainly", he replied, "it's completely Hans Solo".
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Old 12-30-2016, 12:47 PM   #12276
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Millennium Falcon
Although so last century they still haven't gained the patina of vintage... despite having a gun turret straight out of a Lancaster bomber.

That's the far, far away galaxy without any internet. Did they ever get cellphones?
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Old 12-30-2016, 02:24 PM   #12277
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What's the difference between a friend and a good friend?

A friend helps you move. A good friend helps you move a body.
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Old 12-30-2016, 02:38 PM   #12278
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Quote:
Originally Posted by effCup View Post
Although so last century they still haven't gained the patina of vintage... despite having a gun turret straight out of a Lancaster bomber.

That's the far, far away galaxy without any internet. Did they ever get cellphones?
I always wonder how they got humans who could speak modern languages long, long ago in that galaxy far, far away.
e.d.
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Old 01-01-2017, 06:26 AM   #12279
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How time flys...... i remember 2016 like it was yesterday.


"It's not you, it's me."
~ Chinese people looking at family photos.
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Old 01-01-2017, 09:20 AM   #12280
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Why doesn't Luke Skywalker smoke? He'd rather Chewbacca.
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