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Old 02-11-2017, 11:30 PM   #12271
haymarket
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My girlfriend screamed at me when I put it in wrong hole last night..

I accidentally potted the black ball in pool and lost us a hundred quid.
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Old 02-12-2017, 08:12 PM   #12272
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burnt my hawaiian pizza last night, reckon it needed to go on an aloha temperature


christ that was dreadful pmsl...
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Old 02-12-2017, 11:23 PM   #12273
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You just can't beat a bit of friendly advice from a next door neighbour. I remember my neighbour telling me, "Who in their right mind would break up a patio with a pneumatic drill at 4am in the morning?"
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Old 02-13-2017, 12:19 AM   #12274
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My doctor said "I'm having difficulty interpreting your test result - but I think it may indicate an alcohol problem"

I said "That's okay doc. Try again and I'll come back when you're sober".
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Old 02-13-2017, 03:40 AM   #12275
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Looking for more of or about her?
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Old 02-13-2017, 09:04 AM   #12276
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A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear.
He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear?
In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"

A man speaks frantically on the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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Old 02-13-2017, 02:49 PM   #12277
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Pedro lives in an orphanage. One day Pedro is heading towards town with his hands clasped together, when the padre who runs this orphanage asks Pedro, "What do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Pedro replies, "Father, I have horseflies and I am going to town to get horses." Sure enough later Pedro comes back with two beautiful Arabians. Next day Pedro walks past the priest again with the same question, "Pedro, what do you have in your hand and where are you going?" Pedro replies once again, "Father I have butter and I am going to town to get butterflies." Sure enough Pedro returns with beautiful monarch butterflies. The very next day Pedro is headed towards town once again when the Priest asks the same question, "Pedro what do you have in your hands and where are you going?" Again Pedro replies, "Father I have Pussy willows-" "Wait, Pedro!" says the Priest, "I'll go with you!!"
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Old 02-13-2017, 03:02 PM   #12278
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SanteeFats View Post
Pedro lives in an orphanage.
I don't know why, I started laughing at that point
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Old 02-13-2017, 05:36 PM   #12279
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I asked my Mum and Dad what they did to stave off boredom before the internet came along. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters too, and they didn't know, either.
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Old 02-13-2017, 10:14 PM   #12280
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I decided to tell my wife the truth and confess that I've been seeing a psychiatrist.

Apparently she's also been seeing a psychiatrist...two plumbers and the window cleaner!
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