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Old 11-28-2016, 01:51 PM   #12171
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Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you'd stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn't eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical chair behind it?
A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn't eaten in 7 years it's dead.
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Old 11-29-2016, 12:16 AM   #12172
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3 months ago I stopped drinking alcohol, stopped smoking, had no more sugar and started doing exercise for 30 minutes every day.
I feel clean, more energetic, I've lost weight and I am mentally more balanced.
I'll continue this and even increase my exercise to a full hour and take yoga classes.

I don't know whose status this is, but it said Please copy & share!

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Old 11-29-2016, 01:58 PM   #12173
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What is dangerous? Sneezing while having diarrhea!
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Old 11-30-2016, 02:20 PM   #12174
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"Oh, Big Bad Wolf, why do you have such huge red eyes?" The wolf replies:"Go away! I'm crapping!"
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Old 11-30-2016, 02:32 PM   #12175
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Mal, Jeff, why have you forsaken us so, recently. TM seems to be taking over the forum one thread at a time.

Not that he's not doing a fine job of it. I just miss Jeff's tastelessness.

Oh I better post a joke or TM will yell at me.

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A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
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Old 12-01-2016, 12:52 AM   #12176
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If your cat isn't either:

1) A mentally deranged ninja

or

2) an incompetant ninja


then it's a dog.
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Old 12-01-2016, 01:35 PM   #12177
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Old 12-01-2016, 03:43 PM   #12178
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Old 12-01-2016, 06:59 PM   #12179
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During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgment, the pastor said forcefully, "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgment." Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face. The minister repeated his point louder. "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgment!" The man nodded and smiled even more. This really got the preacher wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum: "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgment!!!" Though everyone else in the congregation was looking somber, the man in front continued to smile. Finally the preacher stepped off the platform, stood in front of the man and shouted, "I said each member of this church is going to die!" The man grinned from ear to ear. After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline for the man. "I don't get it," the preacher said in frustration. "Whenever I said, 'Each member of this church is going to die,' your smile got bigger. Why?" "I'm not a member of this church," the man replied.
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Old 12-02-2016, 01:38 PM   #12180
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