Register on the forum now to remove ALL ads + popups + get access to tons of hidden content for members only!
vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum vintage erotica forum
vintage erotica forum

Go Back   Vintage Erotica Forums > Discussion & Talk Forum > Funnies

Follow Vintage Erotica Forum on Twitter
Best Porn Sites Meet Our Girls Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

Notices
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here!


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-22-2016, 12:37 PM   #12101
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,161
Thanks: 1,001,915
Thanked 198,739 Times in 19,280 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick, "What school?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 11-23-2016, 03:12 PM   #12102
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,161
Thanks: 1,001,915
Thanked 198,739 Times in 19,280 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Knock, Knock-Who's there?- Your Java Update.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
About 4,000 years ago: God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
It's when the blind try to read your face.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 11-24-2016, 02:13 PM   #12103
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,161
Thanks: 1,001,915
Thanked 198,739 Times in 19,280 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
After many years of studying at a university, I've fianally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is nothing worse than child polio. No wait, there's womens's soccer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"
Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday" "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn't get bacon seeds anywhere.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn't count.
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 11-24-2016, 06:23 PM   #12104
gedly
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,361
Thanks: 9,345
Thanked 46,749 Times in 2,239 Posts
gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+gedly 175000+
Default

So the cops said to me, "The DNA we collected from this car matches exactly your DNA. You know what that means, don't you?"
"That I've got a twin brother who's a Ford Escort?"
gedly is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to gedly For This Useful Post:
Old 11-25-2016, 09:34 AM   #12105
PJayBr
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand......
Posts: 504
Thanks: 567
Thanked 4,354 Times in 500 Posts
PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+PJayBr 10000+
Default

Two philosophers were sitting in a coffe shop by the window and they were discussing how they thought the world would end.

The first philosopher says "the world will end in flames and everything will burn!"

The second philosopher retorted "No! The world will once again flood like in the bible!"

... Then out of nowhere llamas started falling from the sky!

...it was the alpacalypse.
PJayBr is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to PJayBr For This Useful Post:
Old 11-25-2016, 12:05 PM   #12106
MaxJoker
I Beg To Differ Sir .....
 
MaxJoker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19
Posts: 39,309
Thanks: 262,347
Thanked 532,369 Times in 39,477 Posts
MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+MaxJoker 2500000+
Default

__________________
My hypocrisy only goes so
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
MaxJoker is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to MaxJoker For This Useful Post:
Old 11-25-2016, 02:36 PM   #12107
trailmaster
Veteran Member
 
trailmaster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 19,161
Thanks: 1,001,915
Thanked 198,739 Times in 19,280 Posts
trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+trailmaster 750000+
Smile

Woke up with a dead leg this morning. I will not take out a loan with the mafia ever again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A naked woman robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does a crocodile say when it eats a clown? "Tastes funny somehow!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you know what you can hold without ever touching it? A conversation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two grains of sand go through the desert. One to the other: "I have the feeling somebody is watching me."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.
trailmaster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 21 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post:
Old 11-25-2016, 04:07 PM   #12108
Bill derBerg
Senior Member
 
Bill derBerg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: My own little reality.
Posts: 1,256
Thanks: 17,648
Thanked 15,483 Times in 1,255 Posts
Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+Bill derBerg 50000+
Default

My first wife was a ballerina, she really kept me on my toes.
Bill derBerg is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to Bill derBerg For This Useful Post:
Old 11-25-2016, 04:09 PM   #12109
Mal Hombre
El Super Moderador
 
Mal Hombre's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Deepest Hampshire
Posts: 34,109
Thanks: 432,123
Thanked 472,473 Times in 34,449 Posts
Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+Mal Hombre 1000000+
Default

i used to go out with a contortionist,The sex was great until She broke it off...
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


The nakedness of woman is the work of God-William Blake

It is a porn site,But it's a Classy porn site.
Mal Hombre
Mal Hombre is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to Mal Hombre For This Useful Post:
Old 11-25-2016, 08:29 PM   #12110
SanteeFats
Moderator
 
SanteeFats's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Santee, Ca
Posts: 17,686
Thanks: 94,875
Thanked 218,416 Times in 17,569 Posts
SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+SanteeFats 1000000+
Default

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
__________________
TANSTAFL- There ain't no such thing as a free lunch
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
SanteeFats is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to SanteeFats For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump




All times are GMT. The time now is 09:47 AM.






vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.6.1 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.