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Old 11-11-2016, 12:00 PM   #12101
trailmaster
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An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrragements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently", she replied. The old gentleman say quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
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Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."
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Yo mama so slow that when she tried to cross the road she got a parking ticket.
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What did the tooth brush want to become when he grew older? A broom.
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Old 11-11-2016, 02:41 PM   #12102
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"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
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Old 11-11-2016, 03:28 PM   #12103
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Looking for more of or about her?
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Old 11-11-2016, 04:46 PM   #12104
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I just had to post this.....

Today our boss walked up to us and said, "At 11 O'clock today we will be observing a two minute silence". To which my colleague replied, "As a tribute to Leonard Cohen?"
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Old 11-11-2016, 05:41 PM   #12105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gedly View Post
I just had to post this.....

Today our boss walked up to us and said, "At 11 O'clock today we will be observing a two minute silence". To which my colleague replied, "As a tribute to Leonard Cohen?"
Two minutes of silence just because the Carnival season starts? Don't like it either ... but this seems exaggerated to me ...
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Old 11-11-2016, 11:13 PM   #12106
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How does Darth Vader like his bath water? Lukewarm.
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Old 11-12-2016, 02:56 PM   #12107
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There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."
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Old 11-12-2016, 03:37 PM   #12108
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November 11 also has special meaning to me.
My grandfather barely survived being gassed in France. My dad came back from Burma with Malaria. I volunteered during 'Nam' and I barely survived the Colonel's Daughter that I married.


and now for a real corny joke:
What did the igneous rock say to the geologist?
A: You can date me but don't take me for granite.
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Last edited by rondori; 11-12-2016 at 03:47 PM.. Reason: visual
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Old 11-13-2016, 11:13 AM   #12109
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Sex with a weatherman must suck.
Always telling you to expect 8-12 inches, only to find out it's not even 4.


I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.
She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."


My Korean friend died last week...
So Yung


Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
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Old 11-14-2016, 12:43 PM   #12110
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Smile

Three women are waiting to be executed. One is a brunette, one is a redhead, and one is a blonde.

The brunette is called up and the executioner says do you have any last words and she says no. The executioner then continues and says ready, aim and then the brunette shouts earthquake, everyone is startled and jumps to the floor while the brunette escapes.

Then the redhead is called up and once again the executioner shouts any last words and once again the red head replies no. So the executioner shouts ready, aim and the red head shouts tornado. Everyone is scared and starts running around while the red head escapes.

By now the blonde understands what she has to do so when she gets called up and the executioner asks her if she has any last words she says no. Then once again the executioner shouts ready, aim and the blonde shouts FIRE!
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