Post your corny jokes - Page 730

dr_deathproof · December 30th, 2013, 06:04 PM

(stolen from Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino)

A Jew, a Mexican, and a black guy walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get the fuck outta here!"

**HugoHackenbush** · December 30th, 2013, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 80's

Did you hear the one about the two gay judges?

They tried each other.

Which reminds me about the two gay Irishmen...

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

**seany65** · December 30th, 2013, 11:29 PM

A scottish zookeeper has been counting all the animals in his zoo and he says to his boss:

"I've counted them all, what's the next job?"

His boss says:

"Actually, you've forgotten one"

The zookeeper thinks for a minute and then says:

"Och aye, the Gnu!"

What's a ghost's favourite food?

Boo meringue.

What's a ghost's favourite toy?

A Boo merang.

**Jeff Vader** · December 31st, 2013, 02:20 AM

I'm just back from Amsterdam and I was shocked to discover how like the Tour de France it is.

Just a a big crowd of people cycling while on drugs.

Mudmonster · December 31st, 2013, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HugoHackenbush

Which reminds me about the two gay Irishmen...

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

Don't forget the Scottish ones ... Ben Doon and Phil McCavity !

**Jeff Vader** · December 31st, 2013, 08:49 PM

I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.

Is she insecure or what?

That's an average of 6 calls a day.

**Mal Hombre** · December 31st, 2013, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HugoHackenbush

Which reminds me about the two gay Irishmen...

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

Or the Gay Ghosts..They put the willies up each other....

**retroanalyst** · January 1st, 2014, 09:13 AM

For all my Scottish mates, the 1986 calendars are the ones you can now pull out and use again.

**Jeff Vader** · January 1st, 2014, 11:11 AM

"Schumacher shows slight improvement"

Doctors shave three tenths off his recovery time.

**Ernesto75** · January 1st, 2014, 12:08 PM

1 - Nobody, save their creator, understands their intern logic.
2 - Each of your mistakes is immediately recorded.
3 - The native language that is used for communicating between them cannot be understood by anybody else.
4 - The message 'bad command or filename' is about as explicit as 'if you don't know why, then I will certainly not tell you'
5 - As soon as you are financially committed for one of them, you find yourself spending half your pay. You finally end up wanting to try a friend's computer.
6 - Their quick obsolescence encourages us to change them regularly.

Nevertheless, they have a great advantage when we compare them to women:
THEY HAVE A 'ON/OFF' BUTTON

December 30th, 2013, 06:04 PM	#7291
dr_deathproof Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Delaware Valley Posts: 392 Thanks: 1,718 Thanked 4,945 Times in 374 Posts	(stolen from Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino) A Jew, a Mexican, and a black guy walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get the fuck outta here!" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 30th, 2013, 11:29 PM	#7293
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,651 Thanks: 80,415 Thanked 32,731 Times in 3,527 Posts	A scottish zookeeper has been counting all the animals in his zoo and he says to his boss: "I've counted them all, what's the next job?" His boss says: "Actually, you've forgotten one" The zookeeper thinks for a minute and then says: "Och aye, the Gnu!" What's a ghost's favourite food? Boo meringue. What's a ghost's favourite toy? A Boo merang. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

December 31st, 2013, 02:20 AM	#7294
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	I'm just back from Amsterdam and I was shocked to discover how like the Tour de France it is. Just a a big crowd of people cycling while on drugs. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

December 31st, 2013, 08:49 PM	#7296
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife. Is she insecure or what? That's an average of 6 calls a day. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

January 1st, 2014, 09:13 AM	#7298
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 121,995 Thanked 47,462 Times in 3,337 Posts	For all my Scottish mates, the 1986 calendars are the ones you can now pull out and use again. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

January 1st, 2014, 11:11 AM	#7299
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,020 Times in 6,511 Posts	"Schumacher shows slight improvement" Doctors shave three tenths off his recovery time. __________________ Please read the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Model ID To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. :

January 1st, 2014, 12:08 PM	#7300
Ernesto75 Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 1,106 Thanks: 12,732 Thanked 21,648 Times in 1,096 Posts	Why computers are of female gender 1 - Nobody, save their creator, understands their intern logic. 2 - Each of your mistakes is immediately recorded. 3 - The native language that is used for communicating between them cannot be understood by anybody else. 4 - The message 'bad command or filename' is about as explicit as 'if you don't know why, then I will certainly not tell you' 5 - As soon as you are financially committed for one of them, you find yourself spending half your pay. You finally end up wanting to try a friend's computer. 6 - Their quick obsolescence encourages us to change them regularly. Nevertheless, they have a great advantage when we compare them to women: THEY HAVE A 'ON/OFF' BUTTON