Post your corny jokes - Page 1181

Aaron · November 21st, 2016, 09:26 PM

I wrote a book. A science text that made people weep tears of cold black stone it was so good:

"Cryonics And You."

**trailmaster** · November 22nd, 2016, 12:37 PM

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick, "What school?"
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"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"
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I haven't spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted.
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Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
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My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?

**trailmaster** · November 23rd, 2016, 03:12 PM

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!
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When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
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Knock, Knock-Who's there?- Your Java Update.
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About 4,000 years ago: God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!
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How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
It's when the blind try to read your face.
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Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

**trailmaster** · November 24th, 2016, 02:13 PM

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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After many years of studying at a university, I've fianally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.
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There is nothing worse than child polio. No wait, there's womens's soccer.
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Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.
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Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"
Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"
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"I wasn't that drunk yesterday" "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying"
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I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn't get bacon seeds anywhere.
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Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn't count.

**gedly** · November 24th, 2016, 06:23 PM

So the cops said to me, "The DNA we collected from this car matches exactly your DNA. You know what that means, don't you?"
"That I've got a twin brother who's a Ford Escort?"

**PJayBr** · November 25th, 2016, 09:34 AM

Two philosophers were sitting in a coffe shop by the window and they were discussing how they thought the world would end.

The first philosopher says "the world will end in flames and everything will burn!"

The second philosopher retorted "No! The world will once again flood like in the bible!"

... Then out of nowhere llamas started falling from the sky!

...it was the alpacalypse.

MaxJoker · November 25th, 2016, 12:05 PM

**trailmaster** · November 25th, 2016, 02:36 PM

Woke up with a dead leg this morning. I will not take out a loan with the mafia ever again.
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A naked woman robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.
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The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does a crocodile say when it eats a clown? "Tastes funny somehow!"
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Do you know what you can hold without ever touching it? A conversation.
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Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.
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Two grains of sand go through the desert. One to the other: "I have the feeling somebody is watching me."
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I'm selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

Bill derBerg · November 25th, 2016, 04:07 PM

My first wife was a ballerina, she really kept me on my toes.

**Mal Hombre** · November 25th, 2016, 04:09 PM

i used to go out with a contortionist,The sex was great until She broke it off...

November 25th, 2016, 12:05 PM	#11807
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	__________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 25th, 2016, 04:09 PM	#11810
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,144 Thanks: 772,733 Thanked 855,820 Times in 57,574 Posts	i used to go out with a contortionist,The sex was great until She broke it off... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 21st, 2016, 09:26 PM	#11801
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	I wrote a book. A science text that made people weep tears of cold black stone it was so good: "Cryonics And You."

November 22nd, 2016, 12:37 PM	#11802
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,904 Thanks: 1,329,092 Thanked 707,274 Times in 60,077 Posts	Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In a stork???!!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I haven't spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?

November 23rd, 2016, 03:12 PM	#11803
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,904 Thanks: 1,329,092 Thanked 707,274 Times in 60,077 Posts	Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Knock, Knock-Who's there?- Your Java Update. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- About 4,000 years ago: God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die! Fish: Winks at God and slips him a $20 note God: Correction, I shall create a great flood! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? It's when the blind try to read your face. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

November 24th, 2016, 02:13 PM	#11804
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,904 Thanks: 1,329,092 Thanked 707,274 Times in 60,077 Posts	It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- After many years of studying at a university, I've fianally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- There is nothing worse than child polio. No wait, there's womens's soccer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I wasn't that drunk yesterday" "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wanted to grow my own food but I couldn't get bacon seeds anywhere. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women live on average two years longer? Because the time they spend parking doesn't count.

November 24th, 2016, 06:23 PM	#11805
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,317 Times in 3,171 Posts	So the cops said to me, "The DNA we collected from this car matches exactly your DNA. You know what that means, don't you?" "That I've got a twin brother who's a Ford Escort?"

November 25th, 2016, 09:34 AM	#11806
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,311 Thanks: 41,720 Thanked 13,695 Times in 1,282 Posts	Two philosophers were sitting in a coffe shop by the window and they were discussing how they thought the world would end. The first philosopher says "the world will end in flames and everything will burn!" The second philosopher retorted "No! The world will once again flood like in the bible!" ... Then out of nowhere llamas started falling from the sky! ...it was the alpacalypse.

November 25th, 2016, 02:36 PM	#11808
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,904 Thanks: 1,329,092 Thanked 707,274 Times in 60,077 Posts	Woke up with a dead leg this morning. I will not take out a loan with the mafia ever again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A naked woman robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- What does a crocodile say when it eats a clown? "Tastes funny somehow!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you know what you can hold without ever touching it? A conversation. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two grains of sand go through the desert. One to the other: "I have the feeling somebody is watching me." ------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

November 25th, 2016, 04:07 PM	#11809
Bill derBerg Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2016 Location: My own little reality. Posts: 1,257 Thanks: 17,648 Thanked 18,325 Times in 1,256 Posts	My first wife was a ballerina, she really kept me on my toes.