Post your corny jokes - Page 1273

**Mal Hombre** · September 27th, 2017, 07:26 PM

Why did Annakin Skywalker cross the road ?
To get to the Dark Side

**Staffsyeoman** · September 28th, 2017, 12:56 PM

Hugh M Hefner. The one person about whom you can't say "Well, he's in a better place now..."

**Mal Hombre** · September 28th, 2017, 08:21 PM

I was thinking of buying a 12yr old scotch today but then I thought, Fcuk it,Let Him buy His own..

**MemoryHunter** · September 29th, 2017, 02:34 PM

What's a wog? A wump of wood.

**pudpuller** · September 29th, 2017, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by photoflex

Spare a thought for poor ole Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair.
After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.

The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up.
He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1."
"I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please".
Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".
"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir".
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".
"I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please."
O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?"
"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary."
"I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof".
"I will never use this bar again".

"OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

Fucking brilliant! Thanks

**gedly** · September 29th, 2017, 11:09 PM

So my wife tells me that her car has broken down. I say to her, "Call the AA, I've got it with my job and you're covered". Two hours later I ask her, "Who are these people in the lounge who keep telling me they're alcoholics?"

**maildude** · September 30th, 2017, 10:26 PM

A lawyer, a surgeon, and an architect are arguing in a pub one day, about who has the smartest dog. The argument got so heated that the trio agreed to place a $1000 wager, and that they would gather in the pub's back room with their dogs the next weekend for a contest.
The weekend came, and in walked the three, each with their dogs and the props for the activities they would perform. First up was the architect.
"Go at it, Rover!" commanded the architect. Immediately, his dog sprang into action, and built a scale-model of the Empire State Building out of toothpicks.
Not to be outdone, the surgeon brought his canine forward.
"Go at it, Spike!" he shouted, and the pooch knelt over a pregnant sow and performed a perfect Cesarean Section.
Unimpressed, the lawyer stepped forward.
"Okay, Bandit. Get it done!" he said.
The lawyer's dog proceeded to fuck the other two dogs and take the $1000.

**slowdiver** · October 1st, 2017, 07:21 AM

John Lennon: He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football, he got monkey finger, he shoot Coca Cola.

Police Sketch Artist: Um, what?

**Staffsyeoman** · October 1st, 2017, 10:07 AM

I have just asked the Man from Del Monte for the name of his favourite Prog Rock group. Still waiting for an answer. :P

**Almero** · October 1st, 2017, 12:37 PM

Some woman ran over me in her car this morning, she argued it wasn't her fault..
I was still in bed at the time.

September 27th, 2017, 07:26 PM	#12721
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,127 Thanks: 772,558 Thanked 855,626 Times in 57,558 Posts	Why did Annakin Skywalker cross the road ? To get to the Dark Side __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 28th, 2017, 08:21 PM	#12723
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,127 Thanks: 772,558 Thanked 855,626 Times in 57,558 Posts	I was thinking of buying a 12yr old scotch today but then I thought, Fcuk it,Let Him buy His own.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 29th, 2017, 02:34 PM	#12724
MemoryHunter Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Sleepy Old Sussex, England Posts: 1,157 Thanks: 20,218 Thanked 18,256 Times in 1,144 Posts	What's a wog? A wump of wood. __________________ If you can ID a Model in one of my posts, let me know, I'll update it, and credit you too. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for a favourite, but you don't know her name? There's a To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. , that may help. It's for known models only, don't post requests, or you will be 'Mod-ified.'

September 30th, 2017, 10:26 PM	#12727
maildude Vintage Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: In postal purgatory Posts: 760 Thanks: 1,162 Thanked 14,111 Times in 748 Posts	A lawyer, a surgeon, and an architect are arguing in a pub one day, about who has the smartest dog. The argument got so heated that the trio agreed to place a $1000 wager, and that they would gather in the pub's back room with their dogs the next weekend for a contest. The weekend came, and in walked the three, each with their dogs and the props for the activities they would perform. First up was the architect. "Go at it, Rover!" commanded the architect. Immediately, his dog sprang into action, and built a scale-model of the Empire State Building out of toothpicks. Not to be outdone, the surgeon brought his canine forward. "Go at it, Spike!" he shouted, and the pooch knelt over a pregnant sow and performed a perfect Cesarean Section. Unimpressed, the lawyer stepped forward. "Okay, Bandit. Get it done!" he said. The lawyer's dog proceeded to fuck the other two dogs and take the $1000. __________________ LET FREEDOM WAIT

October 1st, 2017, 07:21 AM	#12728
slowdiver Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North West UK Posts: 582 Thanks: 787 Thanked 17,679 Times in 563 Posts	John Lennon: He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football, he got monkey finger, he shoot Coca Cola. Police Sketch Artist: Um, what? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 28th, 2017, 12:56 PM	#12722
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,268 Thanks: 34,170 Thanked 26,750 Times in 2,159 Posts	Hugh M Hefner. The one person about whom you can't say "Well, he's in a better place now..."

September 29th, 2017, 11:09 PM	#12726
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,305 Times in 3,171 Posts	So my wife tells me that her car has broken down. I say to her, "Call the AA, I've got it with my job and you're covered". Two hours later I ask her, "Who are these people in the lounge who keep telling me they're alcoholics?"

October 1st, 2017, 10:07 AM	#12729
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,268 Thanks: 34,170 Thanked 26,750 Times in 2,159 Posts	I have just asked the Man from Del Monte for the name of his favourite Prog Rock group. Still waiting for an answer. :P

October 1st, 2017, 12:37 PM	#12730
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,344 Times in 1,425 Posts	Some woman ran over me in her car this morning, she argued it wasn't her fault.. I was still in bed at the time.

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