Post your corny jokes - Page 1264

**PJayBr** · August 18th, 2017, 05:39 PM

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting that he can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"Mummy, mummy! I was at the playground, and daddy and..."

Mummy tells him to slow down, and that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mummy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.

**rosestone** · August 19th, 2017, 03:08 AM

Thank goodness for window blinds, or it'd be curtains for all of us.

**otokonomidori** · August 19th, 2017, 02:15 PM

I hired a hitman to kill the Mrs.

He said, "I'll shoot her just below the left nipple".

I replied, "I want her dead, not fucking kneecapped".

MaxJoker · August 19th, 2017, 03:54 PM

Although it`s been years I`ll never forget what my noisy nextdoor neighbour said to me just before he died ,

"How`d you get into my house and what`s the hammer for ?".

**Almero** · August 20th, 2017, 01:08 PM

Spain: where you can dodge a bull but not a van.

MaxJoker · August 20th, 2017, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almero

Spain: where you can dodge a bull but not a van.

That`s a whimsy more deserving of the twisted jokes thread some might say

I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so stupid.

**Almero** · August 20th, 2017, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

That`s a whimsy more deserving of the twisted jokes thread some might say

I had no intention to offend delicate human nature just reflected the reality

MaxJoker · August 20th, 2017, 02:28 PM

A Swedish friend has just won the lottery for the ninth time ,

Telling you that jammy bastard was Bjorn lucky.

**mrfixit** · August 20th, 2017, 07:02 PM

WURZ · August 22nd, 2017, 05:19 AM

Jokes from this years 2017 Edinburgh fringe festival, starting with this years winning entry........

" I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. "

" I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point? "

" I have two boys, five and six. We're no good at naming things in our house. "

" I wonder how many Chameleons snuck onto the ark? "

" Whenever somebody says, 'I don't believe in coincidences', I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!' "

"Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant. "

" As a Vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting, but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer. "

And my personal favourite.........

" I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated. "

August 19th, 2017, 03:54 PM	#12634
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Although it`s been years I`ll never forget what my noisy nextdoor neighbour said to me just before he died , "How`d you get into my house and what`s the hammer for ?". __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

August 20th, 2017, 02:28 PM	#12638
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	A Swedish friend has just won the lottery for the ninth time , Telling you that jammy bastard was Bjorn lucky. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

August 20th, 2017, 07:02 PM	#12639
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,832 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

August 22nd, 2017, 05:19 AM	#12640
WURZ Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 333 Thanks: 4,286 Thanked 9,669 Times in 306 Posts	Jokes from this years 2017 Edinburgh fringe festival, starting with this years winning entry........ " I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. " " I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point? " " I have two boys, five and six. We're no good at naming things in our house. " " I wonder how many Chameleons snuck onto the ark? " " Whenever somebody says, 'I don't believe in coincidences', I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!' " "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant. " " As a Vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting, but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer. " And my personal favourite......... " I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated. " __________________ FTW..AFU

August 18th, 2017, 05:39 PM	#12631
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,312 Thanks: 41,784 Thanked 13,696 Times in 1,283 Posts	Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting that he can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "Mummy, mummy! I was at the playground, and daddy and..." Mummy tells him to slow down, and that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..." At this point, Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mummy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.

August 19th, 2017, 03:08 AM	#12632
rosestone Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 2,256 Thanks: 79,772 Thanked 37,954 Times in 2,261 Posts	Thank goodness for window blinds, or it'd be curtains for all of us.

August 19th, 2017, 02:15 PM	#12633
otokonomidori 緑の男 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Jockistan, UK. Posts: 8,316 Thanks: 39,023 Thanked 122,410 Times in 8,316 Posts	I hired a hitman to kill the Mrs. He said, "I'll shoot her just below the left nipple". I replied, "I want her dead, not fucking kneecapped".

August 20th, 2017, 01:08 PM	#12635
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,344 Times in 1,425 Posts	Spain: where you can dodge a bull but not a van.