Post your corny jokes - Page 1163

**trailmaster** · October 10th, 2016, 11:47 AM

A little boy wakes up 3 night in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh..well..ah..well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."

**effCup** · October 10th, 2016, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill derBerg

a guy with no arms and no legs

Quote:

Originally Posted by gmcbee

...trying to masturbate? Randy.

Frotteur? (#1.)
Or Otto Fellatio?

**trailmaster** · October 11th, 2016, 12:18 PM

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded. "And to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
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This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?" The man says, "Oh I 'm not married I'm single!"
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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**Mal Hombre** · October 11th, 2016, 05:24 PM

I surprised My postman by coming to the door naked,I don't know what freaked Him out more,Me being naked or the fact that I knew where He lived.

**trailmaster** · October 12th, 2016, 01:52 PM

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my God," says Sid " So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no", says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

**SanteeFats** · October 12th, 2016, 02:07 PM

Why do white supremacists hang around in gangs? So they can form a dope ring.

Why do white supremacists compete with others on the basis of color? Because if they competed on brains, they’d lose.

**gedly** · October 12th, 2016, 04:37 PM

I used to work with an ultrasonic welder. I could never hear a word he said.

**photoflex** · October 12th, 2016, 05:55 PM

My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely woman, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right bloody idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.

**trailmaster** · October 13th, 2016, 12:58 PM

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!" Ted said. "Hmmm, I forget."

**SanteeFats** · October 13th, 2016, 02:24 PM

Why do men have a hole in their penis? So they can get air to their brain.

What’s a man’s idea of safe sex? A padded headboard.

Why was the pathologist fired? In one of his reports said: “Cause of death: Autopsy”

October 11th, 2016, 05:24 PM	#11624
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,153 Thanks: 772,865 Thanked 856,018 Times in 57,584 Posts	I surprised My postman by coming to the door naked,I don't know what freaked Him out more,Me being naked or the fact that I knew where He lived. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 12th, 2016, 05:55 PM	#11628
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,927 Thanked 127,800 Times in 3,570 Posts	My mate set me up on a blind date. He said, "She's a lovely woman, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby." I felt like a right bloody idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

October 10th, 2016, 11:47 AM	#11621
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,909 Thanks: 1,329,179 Thanked 707,348 Times in 60,083 Posts	A little boy wakes up 3 night in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh..well..ah..well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."

October 11th, 2016, 12:18 PM	#11623
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,909 Thanks: 1,329,179 Thanked 707,348 Times in 60,083 Posts	A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded. "And to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?" The man says, "Oh I 'm not married I'm single!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "Great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 12th, 2016, 01:52 PM	#11625
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,909 Thanks: 1,329,179 Thanked 707,348 Times in 60,083 Posts	Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my God," says Sid " So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no", says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

October 12th, 2016, 02:07 PM	#11626
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,854 Thanks: 281,915 Thanked 814,486 Times in 60,902 Posts	Why do white supremacists hang around in gangs? So they can form a dope ring. Why do white supremacists compete with others on the basis of color? Because if they competed on brains, they’d lose.

October 12th, 2016, 04:37 PM	#11627
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,890 Thanked 69,321 Times in 3,171 Posts	I used to work with an ultrasonic welder. I could never hear a word he said.

October 13th, 2016, 12:58 PM	#11629
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,909 Thanks: 1,329,179 Thanked 707,348 Times in 60,083 Posts	Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!" Ted said. "Hmmm, I forget."

October 13th, 2016, 02:24 PM	#11630
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,854 Thanks: 281,915 Thanked 814,486 Times in 60,902 Posts	Why do men have a hole in their penis? So they can get air to their brain. What’s a man’s idea of safe sex? A padded headboard. Why was the pathologist fired? In one of his reports said: “Cause of death: Autopsy”