Tiger's Wood.

Clarisworkz · December 9th, 2009, 01:44 AM

I hear that Tiger Woods has been playing 9 holes. Not sure if they're the back 9 though.

Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards……..

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger!

What does Tiger Woods and a seal cub have in common? They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

Why did Tiger Woods leave his house so early? He wanted to get to the second hole.

I want a refund from EA sports, I downloaded the Tiger Woods App and there's no tips on picking up women or links to dating sites, all it is is a dumb golf game.

Tiger simply can't keep his balls out of the bush!

Tiger's new slogan should be "Every hole is a practice hole..."

iufrenchman · December 9th, 2009, 08:44 PM

when asked how the recent car accident/beat down had affected his playing ability, tiger said, "well, my long game is still pretty good. i just need to focus on getting my putz down."

iufrenchman · December 10th, 2009, 08:27 PM

Tiger Woods was obviously working on developing an intellectual side in recent weeks.

He was reading "Get A Grip On Phyics" by noted astronomer Dr. John Gibbons.

Plus he managed to run into three different stationary objects pulling out of his own driveway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are Tiger's sponcer's dropping him? Sounds like to me he has been doing his job! Nike: "Just Do it"......American Express: "Membership has its privileges"....Gillette: “the Best a Man can get"...... Gatoraid: "Is it in you"

sopxe · December 10th, 2009, 08:38 PM

Tiger should go to the media and admit that he s just a man and he is not made of ...wood.

iufrenchman · December 11th, 2009, 02:09 AM

Al Sharpton Blasts Tiger Woods for Lack of Mistress Diversity

The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods’ harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.

“Why is it that a man who calls himself black can’t bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?” said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem . “What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?”

Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today’s black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.

Added Sharpton, “I’m not asking you to not cheat on your wives, I’m just asking you to give back to your own community.

Trintron · December 11th, 2009, 04:41 AM

Here is another one, is a twist on one of the jokes above...

What do Tiger Woods, golf courses and his mistresses have in common? He always has to get a hole-in-one!

MaxJoker · December 12th, 2009, 01:18 AM

Gee`s i don`t know this thread started out with actual funny jokes and nose dived quicker than Whitney Houston upon seeing spilled sherbet !. So how about we follow the originators example and stick to JOKES , or ones that are at least on the cusp of humorous ok

Such as

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Magic Johnson
One`s got HIV and the other played basketball

What will forever be Tigers most memorable drive ?
The one twenty feet from his house

I hear Tiger Woods is now looking for a support group
But he can`t find one for men "Who cheat on their hot blonde Swedish wives "

What`s the difference between Santa and Tiger ?
Santa stops at three ho`s

And remember " If you Drink, don’t Drive.
If you Drive, use a 3 Iron "

" Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed
What anger, what fire
Will you blame the Enquirer
T`was there motive, t`was there goal
Why`d you play an extra hole
Oh so your poor wife
Could`st thou not appease her
After bedding so many a skanky skezzer "

**Mal Hombre** · December 13th, 2009, 04:47 PM

iufrenchman · December 15th, 2009, 04:42 PM

What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa STOPS after the third HO!

Clarisworkz · December 16th, 2009, 11:26 AM

It's near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself: "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth Nancy says, "John F Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny replies, "TIGER WOODS, CAN I GO NOW?"

December 9th, 2009, 01:44 AM	#1
Clarisworkz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Perth, Western Australia Posts: 107 Thanks: 45,493 Thanked 2,679 Times in 107 Posts	Tiger's Wood. I hear that Tiger Woods has been playing 9 holes. Not sure if they're the back 9 though. Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant. Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5." Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards…….. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing. Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron. Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger! What does Tiger Woods and a seal cub have in common? They both get clubbed by Norwegians. Why did Tiger Woods leave his house so early? He wanted to get to the second hole. I want a refund from EA sports, I downloaded the Tiger Woods App and there's no tips on picking up women or links to dating sites, all it is is a dumb golf game. Tiger simply can't keep his balls out of the bush! Tiger's new slogan should be "Every hole is a practice hole..."

December 9th, 2009, 08:44 PM	#2
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	More Tiger's Wood when asked how the recent car accident/beat down had affected his playing ability, tiger said, "well, my long game is still pretty good. i just need to focus on getting my putz down."

December 10th, 2009, 08:27 PM	#3
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	Still More Tiger Tiger Woods was obviously working on developing an intellectual side in recent weeks. He was reading "Get A Grip On Phyics" by noted astronomer Dr. John Gibbons. Plus he managed to run into three different stationary objects pulling out of his own driveway. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are Tiger's sponcer's dropping him? Sounds like to me he has been doing his job! Nike: "Just Do it"......American Express: "Membership has its privileges"....Gillette: “the Best a Man can get"...... Gatoraid: "Is it in you"

December 10th, 2009, 08:38 PM	#4
sopxe Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 214 Thanks: 223,461 Thanked 1,605 Times in 206 Posts	Still more of Tiger. Tiger should go to the media and admit that he s just a man and he is not made of ...wood.

December 11th, 2009, 02:09 AM	#5
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	even more Tiger Wood Al Sharpton Blasts Tiger Woods for Lack of Mistress Diversity The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods’ harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls. “Why is it that a man who calls himself black can’t bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?” said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem . “What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?” Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today’s black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines. Added Sharpton, “I’m not asking you to not cheat on your wives, I’m just asking you to give back to your own community.

December 11th, 2009, 04:41 AM	#6
Trintron Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 97 Thanks: 785 Thanked 1,351 Times in 97 Posts	Here is another one, is a twist on one of the jokes above... What do Tiger Woods, golf courses and his mistresses have in common? He always has to get a hole-in-one!

December 12th, 2009, 01:18 AM	#7
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Gee`s i don`t know this thread started out with actual funny jokes and nose dived quicker than Whitney Houston upon seeing spilled sherbet !. So how about we follow the originators example and stick to JOKES , or ones that are at least on the cusp of humorous ok Such as What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Magic Johnson One`s got HIV and the other played basketball What will forever be Tigers most memorable drive ? The one twenty feet from his house I hear Tiger Woods is now looking for a support group But he can`t find one for men "Who cheat on their hot blonde Swedish wives " What`s the difference between Santa and Tiger ? Santa stops at three ho`s And remember " If you Drink, don’t Drive. If you Drive, use a 3 Iron " " Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright In the driveway of the night What small Swedish hand or wrist With a three-wood your head kissed What anger, what fire Will you blame the Enquirer T`was there motive, t`was there goal Why`d you play an extra hole Oh so your poor wife Could`st thou not appease her After bedding so many a skanky skezzer " __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 13th, 2009, 04:47 PM	#8
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,134 Thanks: 772,663 Thanked 855,777 Times in 57,565 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 15th, 2009, 04:42 PM	#9
iufrenchman Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: NW Indiana Posts: 238 Thanks: 1,676 Thanked 2,536 Times in 228 Posts	Tiger & Santa What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa STOPS after the third HO!

December 16th, 2009, 11:26 AM	#10
Clarisworkz Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Perth, Western Australia Posts: 107 Thanks: 45,493 Thanked 2,679 Times in 107 Posts	and another one ... The best one yet! It's near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself: "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth Nancy says, "John F Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny replies, "TIGER WOODS, CAN I GO NOW?"