Post your corny jokes - Page 218

**Mal Hombre** · September 16th, 2011, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff Vader

Can't believe I was axed as the coach of the British limbo team..... I bent over backwards for those guys

That was a low trick.....

**TCO95** · September 16th, 2011, 05:46 PM

How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?

Wipe your dick on the curtains.

**Jeff Vader** · September 16th, 2011, 05:53 PM

I tried to tell a new wave rocker the 80s were over, but he was adamant.

**rustler** · September 17th, 2011, 09:18 AM

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only"........

As they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors here. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there all night. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

True, true!!

Aitken Bonar · September 17th, 2011, 12:56 PM

Ten-pinter: Bloke walks into his doctor's surgery with a car steering wheel sticking out of his bell end.

The doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The bloke replies: "This is ... it's drivin' me nuts."

(Gets coat.)

leegreeneight · September 17th, 2011, 02:59 PM

A man went to see his girl friend taking along a big bunch of flowers she was so touched by the gesture that she took all her clothes off and laid on the bed with her legs wide open and said this is for the flowers. The man looked at her puzzled and said I Thought a vase would do

**TCO95** · September 17th, 2011, 05:06 PM

One day, at a bus stop there's a girl wearing a tight miniskirt. When the bus arrives and its her turn to get on, she realizes that her skirt is so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it will give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl is, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifts her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turns round furiously and says, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

The man replies "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

**electile disfunction** · September 17th, 2011, 06:35 PM

Sign:

We Don't Serve Women Here!!!
(You need to bring your own.)

**Jeff Vader** · September 18th, 2011, 07:37 AM

My wife told me she is leaving me because of my addiction to poker, i told her i think she is bluffing.

**rustler** · September 18th, 2011, 09:25 AM

I thought that I had already posted this one, oh well........

A woman gives birth to identical twins, but unfortunately has to give them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and they call him 'Amal'. The other one goes to a family in Spain and they christen him 'Juan'.

Many years go by, when the natural mother of the twins receives a card and a recent photograph from Juan.

"Oh, how I'd so like to see a picture of my other son too", she exclaims.
"Why", says her disinterested husband, "if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal "!

September 17th, 2011, 09:18 AM	#2174
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,563 Times in 4,955 Posts	A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only"........ As they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors here. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there all night. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman." True, true!! __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 18th, 2011, 09:25 AM	#2180
rustler Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South of the North Pole Posts: 4,977 Thanks: 47,583 Thanked 84,563 Times in 4,955 Posts	I thought that I had already posted this one, oh well........ A woman gives birth to identical twins, but unfortunately has to give them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and they call him 'Amal'. The other one goes to a family in Spain and they christen him 'Juan'. Many years go by, when the natural mother of the twins receives a card and a recent photograph from Juan. "Oh, how I'd so like to see a picture of my other son too", she exclaims. "Why", says her disinterested husband, "if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal "! __________________ "I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." - Shelley Winters Please read and follow To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

September 16th, 2011, 05:46 PM	#2172
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,810 Times in 5,130 Posts	How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm? Wipe your dick on the curtains.

September 16th, 2011, 05:53 PM	#2173
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	I tried to tell a new wave rocker the 80s were over, but he was adamant.

September 17th, 2011, 12:56 PM	#2175
Aitken Bonar Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 232 Thanks: 456 Thanked 1,662 Times in 223 Posts	Ten-pinter: Bloke walks into his doctor's surgery with a car steering wheel sticking out of his bell end. The doctor asks: "What's the problem?" The bloke replies: "This is ... it's drivin' me nuts." (Gets coat.)

September 17th, 2011, 02:59 PM	#2176
leegreeneight Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 39 Thanks: 4,047 Thanked 433 Times in 39 Posts	A man went to see his girl friend taking along a big bunch of flowers she was so touched by the gesture that she took all her clothes off and laid on the bed with her legs wide open and said this is for the flowers. The man looked at her puzzled and said I Thought a vase would do

September 17th, 2011, 05:06 PM	#2177
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,810 Times in 5,130 Posts	One day, at a bus stop there's a girl wearing a tight miniskirt. When the bus arrives and its her turn to get on, she realizes that her skirt is so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it will give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl is, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifts her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turns round furiously and says, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" The man replies "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

September 17th, 2011, 06:35 PM	#2178
electile disfunction Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Somewhere flat, that's either hot, cold, or windy ... Canada? Posts: 1,966 Thanks: 42,100 Thanked 21,355 Times in 1,903 Posts	Sign: We Don't Serve Women Here!!! (You need to bring your own.)

September 18th, 2011, 07:37 AM	#2179
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,030 Times in 6,511 Posts	My wife told me she is leaving me because of my addiction to poker, i told her i think she is bluffing.