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February 17th, 2018, 03:23 PM | #13051 |
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.
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The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to photoflex For This Useful Post: |
February 17th, 2018, 08:35 PM | #13052 |
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My granddad is so much against capital punishment
that he wanted everybody to know this before they hanged him |
February 17th, 2018, 10:07 PM | #13053 |
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I've just got fired from my job on a suicide helpline. I mean, all I did was offer handy advice on how they could kill themselves.
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February 18th, 2018, 02:20 AM | #13054 | |
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Quote:
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"Enjoy your day off, laborers, and have some chili – you’ve earned it!" -- Lt. Frank Columbo Did you know... VEF membership has it's privileges... read the… To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. …to learn more about them!! And remember to have fun on VEF!! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I guess it’s just another day...! Max & Jenny I’ll miss you.
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February 18th, 2018, 07:14 AM | #13055 |
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What's the difference between a kangaroo and kangeroot?
One lives in the outback and one's a Geordie stuck in a lift |
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February 18th, 2018, 12:10 PM | #13056 |
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So what if I don't know what 'apocalypse' means. It's not the end of the world.
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February 18th, 2018, 12:21 PM | #13057 |
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I've just finished my sandwich filling degree.
I do my final eggs ham tomorrow..
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Cheese with everything! |
February 18th, 2018, 12:30 PM | #13058 |
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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February 19th, 2018, 01:52 PM | #13059 |
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in Newfoundland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Garge replied, "That's me property, and you ain't coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Toronto and, if you don't let me get the duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you's don't know ow we settle disputes in Newfoundland. We's settle small disagreements like dis wit the Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, because da dispute occurs on me land, I gets to go first. I kicks you three times and then you kicks me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pad. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I gives up. you can ave the fuckin duck." |
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February 19th, 2018, 06:00 PM | #13060 |
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Is it a good idea to have twelve ordinary people decide if a person is guilty or innocent of a crime? I'd say the jury's still out on that one.
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