|
Best Porn Sites | Live Sex | Register | FAQ | Members List | Calendar | Mark Forums Read |
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here! |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
October 1st, 2016, 12:56 PM | #11581 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 59,888
Thanks: 1,328,972
Thanked 707,164 Times in 60,062 Posts
|
The metric system is a burden. Such as converting feet to centimeters, or liters to gallons ( for gasoline ). In America the non-metric system will continue to be used by everyone in normal conversation. Only when studying various physical sciences is the metric system absolutely necessary.
|
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post: |
October 1st, 2016, 01:06 PM | #11582 | |
Vintage Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,268
Thanks: 34,170
Thanked 26,750 Times in 2,159 Posts
|
Quote:
The Black Country, where the only declension of the verb "to be" is the first person singular: (I heard this once. ..) "We'eem gooin tuthe pittures, we am. . He'em cummin. Yow'm cummin, am ya?" |
|
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Staffsyeoman For This Useful Post: |
October 1st, 2016, 01:12 PM | #11583 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 59,888
Thanks: 1,328,972
Thanked 707,164 Times in 60,062 Posts
|
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically,it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent." |
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post: |
October 1st, 2016, 07:51 PM | #11584 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 3,234
Thanks: 19,879
Thanked 69,305 Times in 3,171 Posts
|
When signing a contract with Satan, always read the small print. Remember, the Devil is in the detail.
|
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to gedly For This Useful Post: |
October 1st, 2016, 08:01 PM | #11585 |
Vintage Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In postal purgatory
Posts: 760
Thanks: 1,162
Thanked 14,111 Times in 748 Posts
|
Slow Response
A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch. He picks it up and throws it across the street. A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch. The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was THAT all about?"
__________________
LET FREEDOM WAIT |
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to maildude For This Useful Post: |
October 2nd, 2016, 09:23 AM | #11586 |
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 39
Thanks: 4,047
Thanked 433 Times in 39 Posts
|
I fell asleep at a party once and someone put a teabag in my mouth When I woke up I went mental No one makes a mug outta me
|
The Following 20 Users Say Thank You to leegreeneight For This Useful Post: |
October 2nd, 2016, 10:10 AM | #11587 |
Vintage Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,073
Thanks: 77,520
Thanked 14,183 Times in 1,074 Posts
|
Dieting is just wishful shrinking.
|
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to bp666 For This Useful Post: |
October 2nd, 2016, 02:17 PM | #11588 |
Super Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Santee, Ca
Posts: 60,813
Thanks: 281,805
Thanked 813,742 Times in 60,857 Posts
|
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." |
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to SanteeFats For This Useful Post: |
October 2nd, 2016, 03:12 PM | #11589 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 59,888
Thanks: 1,328,972
Thanked 707,164 Times in 60,062 Posts
|
The chemist looks at the blonde and says, " Can I help you miss?"
"I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please, "says the blonde. "I'm sorry," says the chemist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here", says the blonde. "Do you have the container it come in?" "Yes!" Said the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom." |
The Following 20 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post: |
October 3rd, 2016, 01:15 PM | #11590 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 59,888
Thanks: 1,328,972
Thanked 707,164 Times in 60,062 Posts
|
Two priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them. He says, to the first priest, "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest replies, " No son, you're not!" So he says to the second, " I'am Jesus Christ. He says, " No son, you're not." The drunk says, " Look I can prove it." He takes the two priests into a bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says, "JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE HERE AGAIN!!!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Student: "Smo-king, Drin-king and Fuc-king" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I bought a race horse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts whenever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me" She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, " You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so, "he says. " Your finger is broken." |
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post: |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|