Post your corny jokes

[rondori]

I understand Janelle Monáe has come out as pan-sexual and that many people were confused and had to look up the term. Has everyone forgotten 70's rock or not known any sailors or shepherds?

[Aaron]

American bakeries too often abbreviate "Birthday" on cake decoration. One new employee couldn't recall is he should use a hyphen or an apostrophe. He asked a college graduate how to spell the word.

Yeah. It came out "Happy Bidet Mom."

[photoflex]

Even the best marriages go through rough patches.
Why women do this, nobody knows.

[mrfixit]

Driving into work one morning, a man could only watch in horror as his car shuddered to a halt in the busy rush hour traffic. All his attempts at restarting the car failed and he was left to contemplate a lengthy wait until the vehicle breakdown service arrived.
Then from nowhere a pigeon landed on the hood and began looking inquisitively through the windshield. Soon it was joined by two dozen more pigeons. The driver had always considered pigeons to be particularly stupid birds but he looked on in amazement as they then produced a length of rope and began tying it around the car’s front bumper. By now a hundred more pigeons had descended and each bird grabbed a section of rope in its beak and began to pull the car.
As more pigeons flew in to join the Herculean effort, the car slowly but surely began to edge forward. Soon they were clocking a respectable two miles per hour and within forty-five minutes these incredible birds were dragging the vehicle into the car park of the driver’s office.
As he stepped out of his car, a female work colleague, who had witnessed the unorthodox arrival, said to him: “All these years and I never knew you were pigeon-towed.”

[effCup]

Originally Posted by mrfixit

I never knew you were

Strange that none of the birds seemed able to speak pidgin English.

[mrfixit]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me,
April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,”
But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and
April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did
Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The Teacher fainted.

[gedly]

Kids? They're just so childish.

[gedly]

[mrfixit]

A terribly overweight blonde woman goes to her doctor about her weight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat vegetables and grains for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you will have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded.
“I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skipping.”

[dazza2]

i upset my mum earlier and her sisters spent 7 hours outside the door shouting abuse at me......

a bunch of vigil aunties......