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March 1st, 2017, 10:43 PM | #3361 |
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Wish granted. A limousine sent by Alice Cooper picks you up at the Phoenix, Arizona International Airport. A servant loads all of you and your wife's luggage in the trunk. The limo has all the amenities: satellite t.v., bar, luxury power lounging seats, computers, stereo sound system. A voice comes out of a speaker saying that you are being driven to a secret location to meet Mr. Cooper. In about an hour the limo stops. The driver gets out and the voice comes out from the speaker again and says you and your wife have to wait awhile for Mr. Cooper. Hours go by and you are getting fed up and you get out. All of a sudden you are shocked. The limo is off the main road in the middle of a hot, dry desert. There is no one around. You get back into the limo to see if you can find a phone. No phone. Also there is no key for the ignition, and the gas indicator reads empty. You get into the back seat and check the bar. There is nothing to drink, not even water. Then the computer screen suddenly comes to life and in big red letters you see to your horror: Suuuuuuuuucker, ha, ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!
I wish my refrigerator would always be full of the best imported beers. |
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March 2nd, 2017, 04:01 AM | #3362 |
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Wish granted, but all of that tasty imported beer is quite taxing on the old fridge, and after awhile you hear an alarming clank from the compressor and realized the fridge is busted, and your expensive beer is going to get warm and nasty.
Hoping to forestall the coming headache, you get down and squeeze back behind for a peek at the fridge's innards, hoping you can cure the problem by stuffing a loose wire or something. What you don't realize that every tenant has put their fridge in the same spot for decades, and that some were very sloppy in their maintenance habits over the years, and much water along with other liquids has slopped down and soaked the underlying boards, rendering them unfit to bear much of a burden. As you shift your weight, the rotten boards finally reach the breaking point with your heft and the weight of all of that beer. With an enormous crack, the planks and joists give way as the fridge keels over sideways and plunges down through the floor, and the NEXT floor, and the NEXT floor, with you pinned beneath. By the time the fridge comes to rest it is kind of hard to tell your face from the spoiled leftovers mingling with your earthly remains. You should have stuck to Scotch. I wish for a ride in an F-22 Raptor.
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So much porn, so little time... |
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March 2nd, 2017, 06:22 AM | #3363 |
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Wish granted, but as the F-22 is a single seater aircraft, and you are not trained to fly it, nor for that matter deemed capable of being trained, you sit in one on the back of a low loader as it is moved to a museum, where you remain in situ as a dummy pilot.
I wish Carol Kirkwood (I know you non Brits might not know who she is) would come to my house and present the weather forcast topless at the side of my TV.
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March 3rd, 2017, 12:32 AM | #3364 |
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by teaktop; March 3rd, 2017 at 12:38 AM.. |
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March 3rd, 2017, 11:27 AM | #3365 |
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Arrrghhhh I wish my hopes and dreams weren't shattered.
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March 5th, 2017, 10:44 PM | #3366 |
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Wish granted. Carol Kirkwood comes to your flat to give her weather forecast in the nude. She undresses and you are shocked by what you see. Her breasts are old and withered and sag as if she was in her 80's. Without the tons of makeup she usually uses on the telly, the skin on her face is all dry and wrinkled, and guess what: the worst of all is that she is a lesbian. She starts to chase you around your flat and you are screaming for her to get out. You run into your bedroom, but before you can lock the door Ms Kirkwood gives you a body slam and both of you tumble to the floor. She is trying to kiss you and stick her tongue in your mouth. You grab her,manage to get up and now you are pushing her away from you. She has grabbed onto you and both of you fall through your bedroom window and out into the street only to be impaled on several of the tines of a wrought iron fence.
I wish that my nose was a little shorter. Last edited by trailmaster; March 9th, 2017 at 10:43 PM.. |
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March 11th, 2017, 11:08 PM | #3367 |
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Granted. You are now Li Ming:
And no plastic surgery for you. I wish I could enter the minds of porn stars and use my psychic powers of persuasion to prevent them from getting horrible boob jobs or shaving their pussies without my permission.
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March 16th, 2017, 08:36 AM | #3368 |
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Or sad news the new CEO of Playboy, Mr bowlinggeen has Alzheimers I would like to kick Donald Trump in the nuts and get away with it
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March 17th, 2017, 04:53 AM | #3369 |
Lost luggages?
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Wish granted.
you sell his nuts to North Korea president and becomes famous. But he's jealous, and James Korea 007 kills you , forcing you to eat nuts with French frogs. I wish my National Rugby team were world champion. |
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March 18th, 2017, 09:48 PM | #3370 |
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Wish granted. Your National Rugby team is world champion 63 million years ago. Look, Up in the sky, Oh no, What is it! Splaaaaaaaaaaaaat a 6 mile wide asteroid hits the Earth and the dinosaurs and your rugby team are crushed into almost nothing.
I wish I would get a box free in the mail and it would have a brand new computer and printer in it with Windows 7 installed. |
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