Post your corny jokes - Page 1337

Aaron · May 11th, 2018, 10:51 AM

Mary Todd Lincoln walks into a restaurant. The maitre 'd is a Democrat. He asks the former First Lady, "Would you like a table or a Booth?"

**photoflex** · May 12th, 2018, 01:18 AM

my brain...

'where have I left my keys?'
then:
'Alicia Keys, Alicia Augello Cook, born January 25, 1981'

**blondifan** · May 12th, 2018, 11:11 AM

St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter. The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in.

Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime." "Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

**pudpuller** · May 13th, 2018, 04:24 AM

I went to the zoo, saw a baguette in a cage. I asked the keeper what it was. He said it was bread in captivity.

MaxJoker · May 13th, 2018, 10:07 AM

Was set upon by three muggers last night , still managed to knock one out.

Not the best time for a wank I know, but it could have been my last !.

MaxJoker · May 14th, 2018, 04:32 PM

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters ? ,

Anna one, Anna two .

Bought some shoes from a drug dealer earlier ,

Don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.

What do you call a bear after you've kicked his teeth out ? ,

Gummy .

~~}[eywood~~ · May 14th, 2018, 10:38 PM

One pleasant Sunday afternoon a man was out in his driveway washing his car with his son.

After a short time the son says "Dad?"

The father replies "Yes, son?"

"Couldn't you use a sponge instead?"

**gedly** · May 14th, 2018, 10:55 PM

I once had a girlfriend called Encyclopaedia. She had an answer for everything.

**mrfixit** · May 15th, 2018, 10:55 PM

Aaron · May 16th, 2018, 01:00 PM

My boss is a real ass man. He only cares about The Bottom Line.

May 12th, 2018, 01:18 AM	#13362
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,922 Thanked 127,778 Times in 3,570 Posts	my brain... 'where have I left my keys?' then: 'Alicia Keys, Alicia Augello Cook, born January 25, 1981' __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

May 13th, 2018, 10:07 AM	#13365
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,564 Times in 69,067 Posts	Was set upon by three muggers last night , still managed to knock one out. Not the best time for a wank I know, but it could have been my last !. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 14th, 2018, 04:32 PM	#13366
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,564 Times in 69,067 Posts	What did the the drummer call his twin daughters ? , Anna one, Anna two . Bought some shoes from a drug dealer earlier , Don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day. What do you call a bear after you've kicked his teeth out ? , Gummy . __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 15th, 2018, 10:55 PM	#13369
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,843 Thanked 114,822 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

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May 11th, 2018, 10:51 AM	#13361
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	Mary Todd Lincoln walks into a restaurant. The maitre 'd is a Democrat. He asks the former First Lady, "Would you like a table or a Booth?"

May 12th, 2018, 11:11 AM	#13363
blondifan Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,406 Thanks: 55,000 Thanked 60,210 Times in 4,401 Posts	St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter. The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations." St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!" The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children." "Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?" The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime." "Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

May 13th, 2018, 04:24 AM	#13364
pudpuller Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1,483 Thanks: 12,984 Thanked 55,160 Times in 1,506 Posts	I went to the zoo, saw a baguette in a cage. I asked the keeper what it was. He said it was bread in captivity.

May 14th, 2018, 10:38 PM	#13367
~~}[eywood~~ Banned! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: NY Posts: 548 Thanks: 123 Thanked 3,505 Times in 511 Posts	One pleasant Sunday afternoon a man was out in his driveway washing his car with his son. After a short time the son says "Dad?" The father replies "Yes, son?" "Couldn't you use a sponge instead?"

May 14th, 2018, 10:55 PM	#13368
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,310 Times in 3,171 Posts	I once had a girlfriend called Encyclopaedia. She had an answer for everything.

May 16th, 2018, 01:00 PM	#13370
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	My boss is a real ass man. He only cares about The Bottom Line.