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April 5th, 2011, 05:20 AM | #21 |
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The bitter with the sweet............
First, I would like to compliment all of the individuals who have contributed to this thread. Even with the anonymity of the Internet and VEF, it's still difficult to speak about these things.
I'm finding a lot of common ground. I was also shy, which made it difficult for me to meet girls/women. And of course the more relationships that failed, the more my self-esteem took a hit to the point where I went from shy to withdrawn by my late 20's. I also fell for a woman of half-Japanese decent. God I miss her. She was tall (5' 7"), lithe, intelligent, and incredibly sensual. It didn't last that long, but I'm glad she's in Texas because I couldn't stay married for long if she were nearby. In my early 20's I was dating a woman ten years older than me. She turned out to be a real loon. She actually threatened to commit suicide if we broke up. But I couldn't trust her. So when I ended it I simply resolved that if she was unstable enough to commit suicide she didn't need me as an excuse. It was a lie anyway, as were most of the things she said to me. I had a "friend", a coworker. We started off quite friendly. But I committed a harmless prank (sticking a Post-It note on her back in our very small office) and she launched into a vitriolic verbal attack that frankly shocked me. The fact that she would tear into me over something so trivial convinced me that I needed to put distance between us ASAP. I never spoke to her again. I've never cheated on my wife. Hell, why ? I wasn't setting the world on fire before I got married so I have little rationale and even less opportunity to enter into some torrid liaison. Plus, I don't trust women all that much. And I don't need to seek any reaffirmation as to my masculinity or sex appeal. It's a little late for that ! Right now, I am "comfortable in my own skin". If my marriage ended tomorrow, I wouldn't take it too hard: I've given it my best shot. I too think that marriage might be obsolete. I think it was designed to serve a socioeconomic function; first to provide women with a framework of support and secondly to also provide a stable framework for raising children. Today most women can gain their own standing in society and don't need a man to loan her the strength of his name to achieve some kind of status. It is however always fascinating to me that women in this modern era still think they should be 'kept'. They have their own wealth and status but want to enjoy a man's money and possessions as well. And having children seems to be an entirely one-sided affair. Many women seem convinced that they don't need a man to have and raise children. Amazing ! But when they find it's more work and expense than they can handle, they either want to haul the father into Family Court and sue him into poverty, or they look for some "knight in shining armor" (i.e., S-U-C-K-E-R) to help raise their children. Thank God for DNA testing. But would you believe that there are some states here in the USA that will still force a man to pay child support even if it's established that he is NOT the father ? Sooooo, let me sum this up. I often ask younger men "Are you married - or happy ?". If you're single stay that way. Be exceedingly careful what women you make love to. I probably pissed off more than a few by NOT going to bed with them. Once you cross that line, women like to think they have the "rights of ownership". If you can't see clear to the risk of being tied to a woman for possibly 18, 21, or more years than don't take that chance. And forget the "I'm on the pill" crap. I've known women who deliberately got themselves pregnant so that they can sink their claws into a man. I've also seen women go have abortions because the man actually WANTED the child and they abort it to spite him. Just plain sick ! Don't get married in your 20's. Have a life first. As my Father once told me, do everything you want BEFORE you get married. Whatever it is: education, travel, buying cars, building your 'man cave', whatever. Once you get married, you can bet you won't have much of an opportunity after that. If you're in a bad relationship, man up, bite the bullet and GET OUT OF IT ! Never let someone treat you worse than you can treat yourself. And after reading some of the postings here, you certainly can see that afterwards your life will seem like HEAVEN since you've already served your time in HELL ! |
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April 5th, 2011, 06:21 PM | #22 |
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Some amazing and terrifying stories here, with Rustler's very nice story about his parents and monogroover's tale of his horror-story ex occupying both sides of a very wide scale.
When I read monogroover's story I soon realised that my nutter redhead ex was an angel in comparison. Rick, that was a great post by the way. Bad relationships are toxic and we all know what trouble they can cause, but the problem is that when we are in them we are very often blinded to the facts. My mate's mother and sister for example could smell trouble, but he completely ignored their advice until it was too late. As for me, well I think I'm bloody lucky right now. Bloody lucky. When I was young I too was like Rick Danger - slightly shy, and completely unable to "pull" a girl in the conventional way. More often than not they'd hook themselves onto me when I opened my mouth and started speaking - for some reason, they seemed to like that. Girls like that are usually very intelligent, but one fault that seems to afflict intelligent women (and I have been with quite a few) is what I would consider a type of neurosis. They are far more picky, more difficult to please, and - when they want to be - utterly intransigent. They are also far better in the art of mind-fuckery than their less grey-mattered sisters. Nutter redhead was like that. She say something and then later deny it, and very often she'd invent scenarios with every detail accounted for. The fact that she acted so sweet and angelic led others to believe that anything she said was beyond doubt. I won't bother going into detail, it's way to long a story. She'd also use any means possible to get her own way, even if it meant cutting off her nose to spite her face. It was funny at first, then tiresome, then infuriating. The problem was that she was like this five percent of the time, and for the other 95% she was either sweet as honey or hot as fuck. Yes, I was madly in love with her, and probably kept things going because the "make-up sex" was so fantastic. Of course, when it ended we both slipped into our own semi-depressive states - while I spent most of my time drinking wine and surfing porn (OK, nothing has changed with the latter...) she crashed through at least three "boyfriends" in the space of as many months. We tried again not long after, but the gloss had gone and we both concluded that that was that. I then reacted by hooking up with another girl I met on the Internet, who was just as smart, just as crazy and just as sexually charged - with the difference being that she was married to some hotshot helicopter pilot. Given the nature of the "relationship" she was hot one moment and cold as ice the next - one evening she'd drive forty miles to have me fuck her senseless and the next she'd just not answer her phone. One day, it just dried up - I left it up to her to call, she didn't, and - yep - that was that. I had pretty much decided to sort myself out by that time, and a few months later I met my current girlfriend. Slightly neurotic (of course, this being the side-effect of female intelligence) but in a cute and slightly goofy way. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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April 5th, 2011, 06:50 PM | #23 |
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Victor Meldrew party pooper.
For myself I have been married, to a redhead for 35 years, plus the two year courtship and I don't think I have ever been happier. Our group of friends have been married from 50 to 11 years, with no previous and still trolling along. We must be the weird and wonderfull or the exception to the rule. |
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April 5th, 2011, 06:53 PM | #24 | |
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Quote:
Of course, had I met my current right at the start I'd have been a member of this happy club too. I have now been with her coming on ten years, and can count the number of "differences of opinion" we have had (they could hardly have been described as arguments, let alone rows) on the fingers of one hand.
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April 6th, 2011, 12:38 AM | #25 | |
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I think the changing values of today have confused the whole issue. I often wonder, does anyone below the age of 40 marry for love anymore ? So, God bless and keep you both sir. In an insane world, you may be the last sane man. |
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April 6th, 2011, 12:42 AM | #26 |
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The last sane man ? So you`re saying you yourself are insane then. Which sort of makes your pronouncement about him kinda suspect
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April 6th, 2011, 03:35 AM | #27 |
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Marrying a woman who doesn't give head ? Isn't that proof that I'm insane ? (LOL).....
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April 6th, 2011, 11:59 AM | #28 | |
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But the lady sounds like she had a real problem Maybe my patented anti aversion therapy would have worked Every time you were both out together and she saw a train , a plane or the funnels of a giant cruise liner you could have given her a toffee You know so that she began to expect to suck something every time she saw a large cylindrical object Unless she was one of those women who liked to chew toffee , in which case forget i typed
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April 6th, 2011, 12:56 PM | #29 |
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The reason why your parents generations' marriages lasted longer because they weren't growing up during the era of fordistic consumption ideals that would establish themselves in the 1950ies. People were very conservative, women less emancipated and employed, so in that sense, a divorce was not just risky regarding social existence but also fear from "losing respect" in a smug environment. Divorces would boom from the 1970ies, also a result of men being less capable of keeping up with fordistic consumption. But these are not the only reasons of course since people could seperate due to "personal differencies" etc.
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April 6th, 2011, 11:03 PM | #30 |
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