What Have You Learned Today ?

[NIN]

A Nun-Drinker Me?

Only when she insists

* I have learnt if money is no object, when my wallet is empty - somehow, i still have no money

[Mal Hombre]

A Nun drinker ?

[alibabababy]

...that Frankie Boyle in concert (on dvd) is not as funny as I thought he would be.

[NIN]

Today, I have seen Coconut Milk,

but still don't know how to get Banana Milk or how to Milk Chocolate

[mrcochon]

That the SCUM is exactly the paper I always thought it was, stopping at nothing to sell copy.
Hopefully thats put the brakes on Murdochs bid for world domination.

[grossnex]

Today I learned the best way to dispose of nosy neighbors.

Or so says the guy I paid to dump the barrel.

OK, OK... so today I learned that there's multiple ways to say "room" in German & I learned how to get rid of the Live Jasmine popup with Firefox 5. All thanks to my brothers at VEF.

[billybunter]

I found how to relax. I know it sounds silly; but I could lie down and relax. I even slept without pills.

[mizlaplan]

Today, I learned that the UK, which invented the railways, and is increasingly reliant on them, no longer makes trains.
Sad.

[keefriff]

Since I worked today and I didn't learn anything can I say what I learned yesterday? Please, please, please Greenskull. Please!!

Thanks. I could sense your consent. You're easy that way.

Okay so what did I learn yesterday. I learned yesterday that Leo my dog really hates firecrackers. Man, I mean he just does not like them. No matter how many I set off in his kennel he just never seemed to get in the holiday spirit. What a party pooper. Or just a pooper in general as that's what he seems to do in abundance when he hears firecrackers. He will soon be entering a behavioral modification program to correct him of his weaknesses.

I also learned that alcohol and my GF's family are not always a good mix. Um......how can I put this. I had to physically restrain a distant female cousin of said GF from attacking another family member. Yeah that's right...I put a smiley at the end of it. Because it was one of the funniest things I had seen in awhile. Pure comic gold. She arrived angry, got angrier as the drinks started to flow and pounced like a puma when she sensed a threat. The threat being her equally drunk cousin insinuating something about somebody having had too much too drink. I personally did not hear it as I tend not to listen to nonsensical ramblings of inebriated half-cousin/wits. But I guess she-monster cousin Frazier has super hearing or something cause she jumped out of her chair, kind of unsteadily, and charged like a drunken rhino. Arms swinging like a whirling dervish, m 'effers flying like the Springer show, liquor spilling....and that is where I drew the line. I had to grab her by her rather large waist to prevent her from reaching her cousin and administering a severe beating. She tried to swing on me but with my cat like reflexes I was able to deflect and evade her punches. Because of the shrill screams, people ran into the backyard where they see that Wrestlemania 24 has broken out and find me holding she-monster aloft while her legs still are moving. Spinning her wheels so to be speak. Kind of like when you pick up a child. Or a middle aged drunken woman at a 4th of July BBQ. I sent her back to her corner where, after some brief consultation w/ either her aunt or a cut man, she settled down into a less angry drunk. Still very drunk and steadily more obnoxious, but not quite as angry. Very interesting end to the weekend.

So me and the GF are driving home and I say to her "What the f--- is up with your cousin Frazier (not her real name)?" Her response: "She drinks too much." My response: "Good thing you didn't tell her that"."



PS. One of these stories is not true so please do not call PETA or ASPCA or tell me what an a-hole I am for teasing my poor defenseless dog. He clearly asked for it and was giving me an attitude all day so sometimes things happen. Don't judge until you have walked a trillion miles in my shoes.

[theequestrian]

I learned that there's a big difference between a hair net and a nair hat