Post your corny jokes - Page 220

**sweatyhat** · September 19th, 2011, 10:11 PM

The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.
Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.

Hot Solar · September 19th, 2011, 10:50 PM

EQUALITY
If a man looks over the garden fence and sees the woman next door sunbathing naked, he is arrested as a peeping tom
If that woman looks back over the fence and sees the man sunbathing naked, he is arrested for indecent exposure

**TCO95** · September 19th, 2011, 11:15 PM

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee.

The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.' "

**Jeff Vader** · September 19th, 2011, 11:17 PM

Some chav was trying to pick the lock on my car boot the other day .

I told him " You behave yourself, you're in there for a reason "

**Warren G** · September 20th, 2011, 07:59 AM

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."

"The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?

Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like your thinking!"

**sweatyhat** · September 20th, 2011, 01:39 PM

My wife wasn't very impressed when I took her on a sight-seeing tour of the USA recently.
When she saw the Grand Canyon her face dropped a mile.
They'll never be able to prove it was me that pushed her.

I called my three children Flour, Yeast & Water...
They're all In Bred.

My friend killed himself the other day by diving headfirst down a manhole.
I always knew he was sewercidal.

My blonde wife committed suicide by putting a hosepipe in the exhaust of our hydrogen car.
She eventually drowned.

I was arrested for following women around and rubbing them with margarine.
I was done for Storking.

Been out collecting different types of badgers tonight.
Just need one more to complete the sett.

**Jeff Vader** · September 20th, 2011, 02:31 PM

How do you get 2 elephants in a Mini?

1 in the front and 1 in the back

How do you get 2 giraffes in a Mini?

Take out eh elephants, 1 in the front and 1 in the back

How do you get 2 whales in a Mini?

Go straight down the M6 then take the turn off for Chester

**TCO95** · September 20th, 2011, 08:53 PM

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

**Jeff Vader** · September 20th, 2011, 09:04 PM

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

**Jeff Vader** · September 21st, 2011, 05:22 AM

to go with my joke a few posts above...

How do you know when there's two elephants and two giraffes in your fridge?

When there's a couple of Minis parked in your kitchen

September 19th, 2011, 10:11 PM	#2191
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,913 Times in 10,563 Posts	The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable. Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead. __________________

September 20th, 2011, 01:39 PM	#2196
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,913 Times in 10,563 Posts	My wife wasn't very impressed when I took her on a sight-seeing tour of the USA recently. When she saw the Grand Canyon her face dropped a mile. They'll never be able to prove it was me that pushed her. I called my three children Flour, Yeast & Water... They're all In Bred. My friend killed himself the other day by diving headfirst down a manhole. I always knew he was sewercidal. My blonde wife committed suicide by putting a hosepipe in the exhaust of our hydrogen car. She eventually drowned. I was arrested for following women around and rubbing them with margarine. I was done for Storking. Been out collecting different types of badgers tonight. Just need one more to complete the sett. __________________

September 19th, 2011, 10:50 PM	#2192
Hot Solar Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 99 Thanks: 241 Thanked 1,422 Times in 97 Posts	EQUALITY If a man looks over the garden fence and sees the woman next door sunbathing naked, he is arrested as a peeping tom If that woman looks back over the fence and sees the man sunbathing naked, he is arrested for indecent exposure

September 19th, 2011, 11:15 PM	#2193
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,804 Times in 5,130 Posts	A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.' "

September 19th, 2011, 11:17 PM	#2194
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	Some chav was trying to pick the lock on my car boot the other day . I told him " You behave yourself, you're in there for a reason "

September 20th, 2011, 07:59 AM	#2195
Warren G Vintage Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 1,473 Thanks: 5,632 Thanked 32,250 Times in 1,479 Posts	Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question: "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off." "The correct answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like your thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ? Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like your thinking!"

September 20th, 2011, 02:31 PM	#2197
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	How do you get 2 elephants in a Mini? 1 in the front and 1 in the back How do you get 2 giraffes in a Mini? Take out eh elephants, 1 in the front and 1 in the back How do you get 2 whales in a Mini? Go straight down the M6 then take the turn off for Chester

September 20th, 2011, 08:53 PM	#2198
TCO95 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: This member is not allowed in your country. Posts: 5,176 Thanks: 47,615 Thanked 64,804 Times in 5,130 Posts	Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

September 20th, 2011, 09:04 PM	#2199
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

September 21st, 2011, 05:22 AM	#2200
Jeff Vader Moderator (Retired) Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cheam AKA the land of Cheese and Canals Posts: 6,352 Thanks: 156,898 Thanked 140,021 Times in 6,511 Posts	to go with my joke a few posts above... How do you know when there's two elephants and two giraffes in your fridge? When there's a couple of Minis parked in your kitchen