Post your corny jokes - Page 1432

**trailmaster** · February 26th, 2019, 12:47 PM

I've never hit my mother. I tried to hit my mother once. She looked at me and said, "If you ever hit me, that'll be the last thing you ever do". And I knew she was dead serious just by the way she cocked that gun to my head.

MaxJoker · February 26th, 2019, 03:54 PM

Apparently and up until the age of eight ,

Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty shat on a wall.

**trailmaster** · February 27th, 2019, 12:31 PM

A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

MaxJoker · February 27th, 2019, 12:38 PM

Why do so many Spanish men grow mustaches ? ,

So they can look more like their mothers.

**ball7** · February 27th, 2019, 07:53 PM

Guy to the stand up comedian: Tell me a joke?
Stand up comedian: You! *walks away*

**effCup** · February 27th, 2019, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

"Soup and ice cream."

Gazpacho, mmm.

Aaron · February 28th, 2019, 12:23 PM

This just in on the news wire....

A Tennessee food delivery service employee videoed her male passenger dipping both of his testicles into salsa (emphasis added in the original story). The video was posted with a comment; this is what you get for an eighty-nine cent tip for a nearly thirty minute drive.

Sadly the tainted food was delivered to a customer with a nut allergy.

**trailmaster** · February 28th, 2019, 12:36 PM

Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you a free beer forever." The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

**mrfixit** · February 28th, 2019, 03:41 PM

**seldomseen** · February 28th, 2019, 05:01 PM

What do you call three lawyers buried up to their necks in cement?

Soccer practice!

February 26th, 2019, 03:54 PM	#14312
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,513 Times in 69,067 Posts	Apparently and up until the age of eight , Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty shat on a wall. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 27th, 2019, 12:38 PM	#14314
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,513 Times in 69,067 Posts	Why do so many Spanish men grow mustaches ? , So they can look more like their mothers. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

February 27th, 2019, 07:53 PM	#14315
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,690 Thanks: 66,280 Thanked 209,980 Times in 15,730 Posts	Guy to the stand up comedian: Tell me a joke? Stand up comedian: You! walks away __________________ Hello, I must be going - Groucho Marx Looking for stills or scenes from the movie Agent BH 44 starring Ian Carmichael.

February 28th, 2019, 03:41 PM	#14319
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,774 Thanked 114,809 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

February 28th, 2019, 05:01 PM	#14320
seldomseen Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 38,203 Thanks: 127,400 Thanked 711,958 Times in 38,112 Posts	What do you call three lawyers buried up to their necks in cement? Soccer practice! __________________ -------------------------------------------------------------- Some hae meat, and canna eat.

February 26th, 2019, 12:47 PM	#14311
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,888 Thanks: 1,328,972 Thanked 707,166 Times in 60,062 Posts	I've never hit my mother. I tried to hit my mother once. She looked at me and said, "If you ever hit me, that'll be the last thing you ever do". And I knew she was dead serious just by the way she cocked that gun to my head.

February 27th, 2019, 12:31 PM	#14313
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,888 Thanks: 1,328,972 Thanked 707,166 Times in 60,062 Posts	A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."

February 28th, 2019, 12:23 PM	#14317
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	This just in on the news wire.... A Tennessee food delivery service employee videoed her male passenger dipping both of his testicles into salsa (emphasis added in the original story). The video was posted with a comment; this is what you get for an eighty-nine cent tip for a nearly thirty minute drive. Sadly the tainted food was delivered to a customer with a nut allergy.

February 28th, 2019, 12:36 PM	#14318
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,888 Thanks: 1,328,972 Thanked 707,166 Times in 60,062 Posts	Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you a free beer forever." The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

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