The Biscuit Review Corner

**red exposure** · January 28th, 2012, 03:14 AM

Ever wanted a 'Top Gear' for biscuits?. Well, here it is!

Just as cars, holidays, phones, laptops, etc. are reviewed on strict criteria so that other customers can avoid intense and crushing disappointment, I've decided to do the same. So next time you go to double-dunk, you know whether the biscuit will take another dose of tea, or just give up and end up soggy at the bottom of the cup

SO...

Simply provide 1 picture of your roadtested biccy

Biscuits are to be rated (out of 5) based on:

Taste
Texture
Dunkability

The biscuits can include any chocolate covered biscuit or wafer bars, but cakes and chocolate bars (ie. from the confectionary section) are exempt.

Burtons Toffyp0ps

Taste: 4/5
Texture: 4/5
Dunkability: 4/5

Normally overshadowed by it's better known cousin, the Jammie Dodger, The Toffypop is harder to find but infinitely more rewarding. A decent chocolate layer hides a substantial caramel center, all on a fairly crunchy biscuit base that despite being a little over sweet, can take quite a bit of tea-dunking without falling to bits.

**Cheekymonkey** · January 28th, 2012, 05:26 PM

Fox's Chocolate Crinkles
Taste 4.5/5
Texture 5/5
Dunkability 3/5

Fox's Creams Jam Rings
Taste 4/5
Texture 3/5
Dunkability NFD (Not For Dunking)

**Greenman** · February 10th, 2012, 04:48 PM

Just to go a little off topic I remember a good joke about biscuits which mentions favourite brands of the time from school.
What happened when a fight broke out in the biscuit tin?
The BANDIT tied up the PENGUIN with a BLUE RIBAND and made his BREAKAWAY in a TAXI and ended up at his favourite CLUB

**vo1v0d** · September 21st, 2012, 01:21 AM

Is there anybody capable of explaining the popularity of Oreo Cookies. My mate who is the type of guts who walks up to the counter at McD and orders whetever is waiting on the warming tray and eats it standing back with me looking at the pictures to decide what to eat: that kind of guts. And me who had at least three half eatne packet of biscuits and a similar number of half eaten choc bars on his person at all times.. I bought some Oreo Cookies and we could not finish one between us. A black and white biscut? If you have never had one think of two charcoal briquettes held together with tiling grout but less pleasant.

**billybunter** · September 21st, 2012, 01:12 PM

Choccy hobnobs!

**vo1v0d** · September 21st, 2012, 01:39 PM

because milk chocolate is bulked up with the cheaper ingredients (milk and sugar) to the detriment of flavour, I go for dark chocolate McVities digestive. Not the easiest to find, but some people deny the existence of dark chocolate hobnobs/cadburys fingers.
And dark chocolate is healthier because of the crap taken out and contains lots of 'oids' wot is good fer us

**billybunter** · September 21st, 2012, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leg10n

because milk chocolate is bulked up with the cheaper ingredients (milk and sugar) to the detriment of flavour, I go for dark chocolate McVities digestive. Not the easiest to find, but some people deny the existence of dark chocolate hobnobs/cadburys fingers.
And dark chocolate is healthier because of the crap taken out and contains lots of 'oids' wot is good fer us

When you eat choccy anything you are not thinking about health. You don't leave the pub and say: I'd love an apple

you head straight for a kebab.

**vo1v0d** · September 21st, 2012, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billybunter

When you eat choccy anything you are not thinking about health. You don't leave the pub and say: I'd love an apple

you head straight for a kebab.

After I formulated the question 'what would it look like if you could solidify B.O.?' I realised I would never be drunk enough to eat a kebab ever again.

And I no longer frequent pubs or drink more than two units of alcohol because my fucked kidneys have me doubled up in pain if I do

Not a problem as the Verve did not write:-
Booze an drugs dont work
They make me faaaaaakin worse

MaxJoker · September 21st, 2012, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red exposure

Ever wanted a 'Top Gear' for biscuits?.

Ever wanted to wake up to find your dripping lower intestines nailed to the other side of the room

Well by starting this thread you`re going the right way to making it happen

**NIN** · September 21st, 2012, 07:07 PM

This thread was much more tasteful when it ended silently on Greenmans' awful joke

January 28th, 2012, 03:14 AM	#1
red exposure Vintage Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Straight Outta Trumpton Posts: 318 Thanks: 821 Thanked 11,765 Times in 336 Posts	The Biscuit Review Corner Ever wanted a 'Top Gear' for biscuits?. Well, here it is! Just as cars, holidays, phones, laptops, etc. are reviewed on strict criteria so that other customers can avoid intense and crushing disappointment, I've decided to do the same. So next time you go to double-dunk, you know whether the biscuit will take another dose of tea, or just give up and end up soggy at the bottom of the cup SO... Simply provide 1 picture of your roadtested biccy Biscuits are to be rated (out of 5) based on: Taste Texture Dunkability The biscuits can include any chocolate covered biscuit or wafer bars, but cakes and chocolate bars (ie. from the confectionary section) are exempt. Burtons Toffyp0ps Taste: 4/5 Texture: 4/5 Dunkability: 4/5 Normally overshadowed by it's better known cousin, the Jammie Dodger, The Toffypop is harder to find but infinitely more rewarding. A decent chocolate layer hides a substantial caramel center, all on a fairly crunchy biscuit base that despite being a little over sweet, can take quite a bit of tea-dunking without falling to bits.

February 10th, 2012, 04:48 PM	#3
Greenman Live Legend of VEF Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Underground lair somewhere in the world Posts: 20,353 Thanks: 30,936 Thanked 383,516 Times in 19,356 Posts	Just to go a little off topic I remember a good joke about biscuits which mentions favourite brands of the time from school. What happened when a fight broke out in the biscuit tin? The BANDIT tied up the PENGUIN with a BLUE RIBAND and made his BREAKAWAY in a TAXI and ended up at his favourite CLUB __________________ There was only ONE Greenman, and you accepted no substitutes! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Rest in peace MaxJoker-you will be sorely missed. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 20,000: Milestone reached!

September 21st, 2012, 01:12 PM	#5
billybunter R.I.P. Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Gone But Not Forgotten Posts: 14,404 Thanks: 51,687 Thanked 252,372 Times in 14,171 Posts	Choccy hobnobs! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

January 28th, 2012, 05:26 PM	#2
Cheekymonkey Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Wherever I Lay My Toupee Posts: 694 Thanks: 3,062 Thanked 14,875 Times in 686 Posts	Fox's Chocolate Crinkles Taste 4.5/5 Texture 5/5 Dunkability 3/5 Fox's Creams Jam Rings Taste 4/5 Texture 3/5 Dunkability NFD (Not For Dunking)

September 21st, 2012, 01:21 AM	#4
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,242 Thanks: 42,239 Thanked 60,633 Times in 7,459 Posts	Is there anybody capable of explaining the popularity of Oreo Cookies. My mate who is the type of guts who walks up to the counter at McD and orders whetever is waiting on the warming tray and eats it standing back with me looking at the pictures to decide what to eat: that kind of guts. And me who had at least three half eatne packet of biscuits and a similar number of half eaten choc bars on his person at all times.. I bought some Oreo Cookies and we could not finish one between us. A black and white biscut? If you have never had one think of two charcoal briquettes held together with tiling grout but less pleasant.

September 21st, 2012, 01:39 PM	#6
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,242 Thanks: 42,239 Thanked 60,633 Times in 7,459 Posts	because milk chocolate is bulked up with the cheaper ingredients (milk and sugar) to the detriment of flavour, I go for dark chocolate McVities digestive. Not the easiest to find, but some people deny the existence of dark chocolate hobnobs/cadburys fingers. And dark chocolate is healthier because of the crap taken out and contains lots of 'oids' wot is good fer us

September 21st, 2012, 07:07 PM	#10
NIN Banned Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 8,823 Thanks: 200,569 Thanked 131,967 Times in 9,045 Posts	This thread was much more tasteful when it ended silently on Greenmans' awful joke