|
Best Porn Sites | Live Sex | Register | FAQ | Members List | Calendar |
Funnies Got a joke or something funny that you want to share? Post it here! |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
March 9th, 2018, 11:55 AM | #13151 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Posts: 59,927
Thanks: 1,329,392
Thanked 707,553 Times in 60,101 Posts
|
A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing two heavy parkas on such a hot day.
The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: "For best results, put on two coats." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one passenger asks, "who is that man over there?" "I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a library, approaches the librarian and says, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries , please." The librarian says, "Sir, you know you're in a library, right?" 'Sorry," he whispers. "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please." |
The Following 20 Users Say Thank You to trailmaster For This Useful Post: |
March 9th, 2018, 04:12 PM | #13152 |
Vintage Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 561
Thanks: 36,148
Thanked 14,026 Times in 536 Posts
|
A Higgs-Bosun particle shows up in the Sistine Chapel. The Pope asks "What are you doing here?"
"Without me, you can't have mass." (not Einstein and not the Pope)
__________________
I'm OK, you're UKE: all cultures are multicultural, all races are multiracial. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by rondori; March 10th, 2018 at 02:50 AM.. Reason: spelling |
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to rondori For This Useful Post: |
March 9th, 2018, 09:53 PM | #13153 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 3,236
Thanks: 19,903
Thanked 69,345 Times in 3,173 Posts
|
I really have got butterflies in my stomach. I should get out of the habit of eating them.
|
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to gedly For This Useful Post: |
March 10th, 2018, 04:04 PM | #13154 |
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 56
Thanks: 1,014
Thanked 701 Times in 50 Posts
|
Breaking News !!!!,,,,David Hasselhoff is changing his name to David Hoff,,Well he can"t be arsed with the Hassel anymore,,,
|
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to petvictor For This Useful Post: |
March 11th, 2018, 01:55 AM | #13155 |
Vintage Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 9,401
Thanks: 166,037
Thanked 114,859 Times in 9,416 Posts
|
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, “What’s wrong, Bill?” “Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?” His wife gasps, “My God, Bill, what happened?” “I got fired.” “No, Bill — I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?” “Oh, um, she got fired, too.”
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator? |
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to mrfixit For This Useful Post: |
March 11th, 2018, 02:45 AM | #13156 |
Vintage Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly
Posts: 683
Thanks: 11,930
Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts
|
I had called my mom and dad to check on them and catch up on the news from home. Dad said that Mom needed a hobby to keep her from getting bored. He knew she wanted to play the piano, so he had bought a piano to keep her busy.
I asked how she was doing. My father answered that he had to switch her to playing the saxophone. "Why on Earth did you do that for?", I asked. "So to stop her from singing along!" said the father.
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson |
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to bfg9000 For This Useful Post: |
March 11th, 2018, 02:49 AM | #13157 | |
Vintage Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly
Posts: 683
Thanks: 11,930
Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts
|
Quote:
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson |
|
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to bfg9000 For This Useful Post: |
March 12th, 2018, 06:46 PM | #13158 |
Vintage Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Elm Street
Posts: 9,401
Thanks: 166,037
Thanked 114,859 Times in 9,416 Posts
|
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without s.x for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. “Can of PAINT!” exclaimed the minister. “Yeah,” said the newlywed man. “She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.” The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. “That’s okay,” said the man. “We’re not welcome in Home Depot either.”
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator? |
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to mrfixit For This Useful Post: |
March 12th, 2018, 06:50 PM | #13159 |
Veteran Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 3,236
Thanks: 19,903
Thanked 69,345 Times in 3,173 Posts
|
I never seem to have any money before Easter. It's all Lent.
|
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to gedly For This Useful Post: |
March 12th, 2018, 09:42 PM | #13160 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 200
Thanks: 21,134
Thanked 2,940 Times in 199 Posts
|
"How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
Don't know, it's never been tried". Ken Dodd - 1927 - 2018.
__________________
Cheese with everything! |
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Solid For This Useful Post: |
|
|