Post your corny jokes - Page 1454

chromax · April 24th, 2019, 03:02 PM

Jesus decides to throw a party in Paradise.
Saint Peter knocks at the door with four cocaine bags. J hugs him.
Saint Thomas brings a hundred pounds of Mary Jane. J lets him in.
Saint John brings ten methamphetamine bottles. J lets him in.
Last comes Judas with nothing in his hands.
"So, what the hell did you bring?", J asks.
"Cops", Judas answers.

**ball7** · April 24th, 2019, 08:45 PM

My girlfriend has the cutest ankle bracelet, she has gotten the words "heaven above" engraved on it.

**mrfixit** · April 25th, 2019, 01:25 PM

Q: How does a blind man know when to stop wiping after taking a shit?

A: By the taste

Estreeter · April 25th, 2019, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrfixit

A: By the taste

Well since it's a corny joke thread, did the blind man mention anything about it being corny

Sorry, hope nobody was eating a corn cob right now

**jafad** · April 25th, 2019, 03:36 PM

A mummy calls a restaurant.
"Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep Ill".
The maitre d' says "Could you spell it out, please"?
"Of course"says the mummy,
"A Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab".

**seldomseen** · April 25th, 2019, 03:40 PM

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

**mrfixit** · April 25th, 2019, 04:29 PM

**gedly** · April 25th, 2019, 06:55 PM

Oh yes, I studied at Oxford. Mostly the tits and arses of the women walking down the street.

MaxJoker · April 26th, 2019, 09:37 AM

I haven't slept for three days ,

Because that would be too long.

**trailmaster** · April 26th, 2019, 12:33 PM

Donald Trump is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy."
"No," says President Trump, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand: " If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss." President Trump searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy.
Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims President Trump, "That's right, And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

April 24th, 2019, 08:45 PM	#14532
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,697 Thanks: 66,303 Thanked 210,036 Times in 15,737 Posts	My girlfriend has the cutest ankle bracelet, she has gotten the words "heaven above" engraved on it. __________________ Hello, I must be going - Groucho Marx Looking for stills or scenes from the movie Agent BH 44 starring Ian Carmichael.

April 25th, 2019, 01:25 PM	#14533
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,838 Times in 9,416 Posts	Q: How does a blind man know when to stop wiping after taking a shit? A: By the taste __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 25th, 2019, 03:40 PM	#14536
seldomseen Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 38,203 Thanks: 127,400 Thanked 712,062 Times in 38,112 Posts	As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. __________________ -------------------------------------------------------------- Some hae meat, and canna eat.

April 25th, 2019, 04:29 PM	#14537
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,867 Thanked 114,838 Times in 9,416 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

April 26th, 2019, 09:37 AM	#14539
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,850 Times in 69,067 Posts	I haven't slept for three days , Because that would be too long. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

April 24th, 2019, 03:02 PM	#14531
chromax Blocked! Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 10,450 Thanks: 34,188 Thanked 260,239 Times in 10,448 Posts	Jesus decides to throw a party in Paradise. Saint Peter knocks at the door with four cocaine bags. J hugs him. Saint Thomas brings a hundred pounds of Mary Jane. J lets him in. Saint John brings ten methamphetamine bottles. J lets him in. Last comes Judas with nothing in his hands. "So, what the hell did you bring?", J asks. "Cops", Judas answers.

April 25th, 2019, 03:36 PM	#14535
jafad Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 547 Thanks: 740 Thanked 10,280 Times in 547 Posts	A mummy calls a restaurant. "Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep Ill". The maitre d' says "Could you spell it out, please"? "Of course"says the mummy, "A Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab".

April 25th, 2019, 06:55 PM	#14538
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,321 Times in 3,171 Posts	Oh yes, I studied at Oxford. Mostly the tits and arses of the women walking down the street.

April 26th, 2019, 12:33 PM	#14540
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,905 Thanks: 1,329,115 Thanked 707,330 Times in 60,079 Posts	Donald Trump is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy." "No," says President Trump, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand: " If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss." President Trump searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy. Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaims President Trump, "That's right, And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."