Post your corny jokes - Page 1460

**vo1v0d** · May 7th, 2019, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trailmaster

Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A", Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple".

This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for almost every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.

He exclaims, "R is for rats--big fu.....ing king rats, with 12-inch c...ks!"

We would have said R is for arseholes so the teacher would have chosen Z ......for a zebra with big bollocks

**gedly** · May 7th, 2019, 06:45 PM

Drink Canada Dry?
I probably could!

**Silklover** · May 7th, 2019, 07:06 PM

Police officer: Can you please be so kind to describe the man who assaulted you, professor?
Professor: He looked just like Ramses II of the 19th dynasty.

**vo1v0d** · May 7th, 2019, 11:55 PM

my girlfriends pussy smells like a Parisian river; I think she is fucking insane

jokerdownunder · May 8th, 2019, 12:52 AM

I had a big clean out and got rid of my pre-decimal coins. BIG mistake. I'm now penniless.

**seldomseen** · May 8th, 2019, 01:40 AM

Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A. I don’t know and I don’t care.

E.S.Blowfeld · May 8th, 2019, 04:19 AM

The New Jersey D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was some concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was not Avian Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts.
However, during the analyses, it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.
He discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Truck!"

**Sir Honkers** · May 8th, 2019, 10:20 AM

A woman is being comforted at her husband's funeral by family and friends when a man leans forward and says "Would you mind if I said a word?"
"No, please do," the woman replies.
The man stands, bows his head and clears his throat and says "Plethora," before sitting down again.
"Thank you, " said the grieving woman, "that means a lot."

MaxJoker · May 8th, 2019, 12:01 PM

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100 ? ,

By the time she gets to 69 finds a frog in her throat.

petvictor · May 8th, 2019, 06:03 PM

This Chinese drug addict came up to me and said "have you see my cocaine" ?,I said Not since he starred in Zulu,,,

May 7th, 2019, 07:06 PM	#14593
Silklover Vintage Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Next to you Posts: 1,253 Thanks: 17,281 Thanked 17,823 Times in 1,241 Posts	At the police Police officer: Can you please be so kind to describe the man who assaulted you, professor? Professor: He looked just like Ramses II of the 19th dynasty.

May 8th, 2019, 01:40 AM	#14596
seldomseen Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 38,203 Thanks: 127,400 Thanked 712,146 Times in 38,112 Posts	Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don’t know and I don’t care. __________________ -------------------------------------------------------------- Some hae meat, and canna eat.

May 8th, 2019, 04:19 AM	#14597
E.S.Blowfeld Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 41 Thanks: 219 Thanked 631 Times in 39 Posts	The New Jersey D.O.T found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was some concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during the analyses, it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by cars. The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. He discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah!", not a single one could shout "Truck!" __________________ My cat's breath smells of cat-food!

May 8th, 2019, 12:01 PM	#14599
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,905 Times in 69,067 Posts	Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100 ? , By the time she gets to 69 finds a frog in her throat. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

May 7th, 2019, 06:45 PM	#14592
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,349 Times in 3,173 Posts	Drink Canada Dry? I probably could!

May 7th, 2019, 11:55 PM	#14594
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,352 Thanks: 42,722 Thanked 61,495 Times in 7,568 Posts	my girlfriends pussy smells like a Parisian river; I think she is fucking insane

May 8th, 2019, 12:52 AM	#14595
jokerdownunder Senior Member Join Date: May 2019 Location: Adelaide, Australia Posts: 128 Thanks: 31 Thanked 1,576 Times in 128 Posts	I had a big clean out and got rid of my pre-decimal coins. BIG mistake. I'm now penniless.

May 8th, 2019, 10:20 AM	#14598
Sir Honkers Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Land Of Glorious Leader Posts: 30,436 Thanks: 287,480 Thanked 387,181 Times in 30,392 Posts	A woman is being comforted at her husband's funeral by family and friends when a man leans forward and says "Would you mind if I said a word?" "No, please do," the woman replies. The man stands, bows his head and clears his throat and says "Plethora," before sitting down again. "Thank you, " said the grieving woman, "that means a lot."

May 8th, 2019, 06:03 PM	#14600
petvictor Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 56 Thanks: 1,014 Thanked 701 Times in 50 Posts	This Chinese drug addict came up to me and said "have you see my cocaine" ?,I said Not since he starred in Zulu,,,