All Things Redneck - Page 13

**SanteeFats** · December 11th, 2015, 07:53 PM

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ....
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

**sweatyhat** · December 11th, 2015, 10:50 PM

You might be a Redneck if...

... you arrive at at a place that advertises "hot food" and your request for such is met by the response, "Aaaand what hot food would you like?"

30 years ago, someone from my background wasn't expecting a choice.

**spicoli** · December 12th, 2015, 07:34 AM

Estreeter · December 13th, 2015, 09:21 AM

A Redneck Christmas

Rusty Chevrolet
(To The Tune "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.
Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rus-ty Chev-ro-let!

**SanteeFats** · December 13th, 2015, 06:35 PM

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ....

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

**Mal Hombre** · December 16th, 2015, 05:08 AM

**SanteeFats** · December 16th, 2015, 02:43 PM

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ....
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade

**SanteeFats** · December 18th, 2015, 06:13 PM

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ....
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

**Mal Hombre** · December 20th, 2015, 11:10 AM

**spicoli** · December 31st, 2015, 01:12 AM

December 11th, 2015, 10:50 PM	#122
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,977 Times in 10,563 Posts	You might be a Redneck if... ... you arrive at at a place that advertises "hot food" and your request for such is met by the response, "Aaaand what hot food would you like?" 30 years ago, someone from my background wasn't expecting a choice. __________________

December 13th, 2015, 09:21 AM	#124
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,205 Thanks: 450,412 Thanked 897,724 Times in 60,407 Posts	A Redneck Christmas Rusty Chevrolet (To The Tune "Jingle Bells") Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet. Down the road I go, sliding all the way. I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires. My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire! Chorus Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away. I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay. The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay. Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet! I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer. I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer. Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops. I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop. Chorus Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away. I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay. The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay. Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet! Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke. People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke! I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway, Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh! Chorus Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away. I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay. The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay. Oh, what fun it is to drive this rus-ty Chev-ro-let! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 16th, 2015, 05:08 AM	#126
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,198 Thanks: 773,472 Thanked 856,602 Times in 57,629 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 20th, 2015, 11:10 AM	#129
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,198 Thanks: 773,472 Thanked 856,602 Times in 57,629 Posts	__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

December 31st, 2015, 01:12 AM	#130
spicoli Veteran Slacker Join Date: May 2010 Location: The Beach Posts: 16,009 Thanks: 132,895 Thanked 707,554 Times in 18,248 Posts	Hillbilly Towing

December 11th, 2015, 07:53 PM	#121
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,955 Thanks: 282,185 Thanked 815,803 Times in 60,999 Posts	YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF .... You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!" You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.' You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

December 12th, 2015, 07:34 AM	#123
spicoli Veteran Slacker Join Date: May 2010 Location: The Beach Posts: 16,009 Thanks: 132,895 Thanked 707,554 Times in 18,248 Posts

December 13th, 2015, 06:35 PM	#125
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,955 Thanks: 282,185 Thanked 815,803 Times in 60,999 Posts	YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF .... Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You go to your family reunion looking for a date. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines." You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

December 16th, 2015, 02:43 PM	#127
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,955 Thanks: 282,185 Thanked 815,803 Times in 60,999 Posts	YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF .... You take a six-pack cooler to church. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. One of your kids was born on a pool table. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade

December 18th, 2015, 06:13 PM	#128
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,955 Thanks: 282,185 Thanked 815,803 Times in 60,999 Posts	YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF .... You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard. Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it. You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos." Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.