How to have confidence around women

[AmateurEmale]

I would like to start a new thread about how the average-looking guy can have confidence around women who look attractive. In my case, I would look like Ashton Kutcher if I was not as flabby as I am now... and his net worth of $150M would also help, but I can't ask for everything, can I?

Do you think that women are more likely to judge the total person (approach, sense of humor, values, possibly money or education) instead of just looks?

Do you think that women notice certain things like eye contact, body language, clothing style, and possibly footwear [Nike Air FTW!] that even a guy who is not particularly good-looking can have?

Do you think that women sometimes know they are "hot" and if the guys around them seem too intimidated to say anything, they will use the friendly smile and say something mildly reassuring, which is then your cue to approach them and interact with them, possibly to introduce yourself and/or go for her phone number?

If I were anywhere near physically lean right now, and could fit into all of my preferred wardrobe, from the heavy metal shirts to the tailored suits, I know what my confident, opening attempt would consist of: Look her straight in the eyes, and let her sweet face impel me to just reach for her hand, and kiss her hand right there. It is a daring move that breaks the touch barrier and shows romantic intent and is not something that just a "friend", but rather a potential boyfriend would do; it's also gentlemanly, not brutally physical. Then I would introduce myself by name, ask her name, talk a little flirtatiously, and go for her phone number.

So the question becomes: How good-looking and/or wealthy do I have to be to pull something like the above off with an attractive girl? Or is it not the right move, based on your experiences with women? Or, have you personally been where I am right now and seen that confidence gets easier with practice?

Please respond to this thread at your next convenience.

[MrLinc]

Well, it depends on what kind of women you want to hit. Still there's not an universal rule; believe me, this whole thing goes to Hell because men pretend to be someone they are not, and women mistakenly look for the kind of guys that actually aren't their type. or so to speak, I'm trying to make it short.
Find out who you are, and be yourself. Thta's the best way, but you won't get anything if you're in the wrong environment, i.e., women who look for what they think they should get and not what they actyually want. Most of the times they don't even know, and some times they know but they just need something else and they take advantage of how stupid men are.
Believe me, I have got women that were supposedly way out of my league just by being myself. That includes a celebrity here in my country (age 45) and a former model / celebrity wannabe (age 22). And I'm not even handsome.
I'd say keep your eyes opened, you might be missing some fine ladies because of looking somewhere else. I know I did that several times.

[Sir Honkers]

If you want the benefit of my sage advice, here it is. Wait until you get to sixty five and you'll find, that what other people think doesn't matter as much as you thought it did when you were twenty. No more angst, no more sweaty palms, no more agonising over whether or not she likes you...the only downside I've found, is that dropdead gorgeous twenty-somethings hanging out to have sex with you range from thin on the ground to non existent.

[Motorboater]

Thin on the ground still means there's an opportunity. You should learn from the New England Patriots.

But regarding the OP. You'll never get it. So start worrying about what you're going to do despite it.

[seany65]

Women "miraculously" know they are hot when they see men tripping over their own tongues when they look at those women...

[HugoHackenbush]

The problem with self-confidence is you can't fake it. It always used to amaze me that as soon as I was in a committed relationship that I had women crawling all over me. Why? Perhaps because I was being myself. Perhaps because I was not obviously "on the make". Perhaps because they wanted to see if they could take me away from her (yes, women are that perverse).

It wasn't until after my divorce that I really got in the swing of things. I had married a very attractive woman, (so I wasn't a total loser) and this gave me the confidence to go on lots of dates. Of course it helped that I was still young (30's) had a professional job, owned my own home and drove a flash car. It was quite a change going from shy, acne-struck teenager.

Women want men for all sorts of reasons, and not all of them have to do with looks. Take Henry Kissinger. Fat, balding and with a bad accent. He famously remarked "power is an aphrodisiac".

So there you go.

[KissArmy]

All good advice above. Remember that there are all kinds of "women" and in fact some are still girls. You won't get some no matter what you do or how much "confidence" you flash. What's "confidence" to you could look like "jerk" to them. Remember also that You - YOU - will be around for the next 20, 30, 40 years... your definition of confidence is going to change, and what you'll want in a women is going to change too. Focus on YOU above all. Don't let yourself be defined by whether or not women want you.

[otokonomidori]

I've found money and good looks to be a great help

[thunderfly]

Originally Posted by HugoHackenbush

The problem with self-confidence is you can't fake it. It always used to amaze me that as soon as I was in a committed relationship that I had women crawling all over me. Why? Perhaps because I was being myself. Perhaps because I was not obviously "on the make". Perhaps because they wanted to see if they could take me away from her (yes, women are that perverse).

I have noticed this as well. I met a girl in the early 1980s and whenever we went to parties or nightclubs etc together, other girls would be giving me 'the eye' and I just couldn't understand it. Girls who would otherwise have probably just ignored me had I been on my own. Obviously, it's a 'rivalry' thing where the other girl giving 'the eye' is seeing whether you'll show interest in her or stay with what you already have.

It also took me a long time to find out what (IMO) makes females 'tick'. Simply enough, most women just want to be loved, noticed and appreciated. That is why they spend their entire adult lives worrying about their appearance - their hair and their clothes etc although I've also found that this 'mentality' does vary from country to country and even from place to place within a country. Just being yourself and talking to women can often have quite a surprising effect. I've often just 'been myself' and spoke to women (just talking about the weather or anything) and they've assumed that I've been flirting with them simply because they didn't get that kind of 'attention' from elsewhere.

[chris chunt]

Alcohol