Post your corny jokes - Page 1014

**electile disfunction** · October 2nd, 2015, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DonnyJoe

When the machines rise up against humans you'd better
hope you're nowhere near a vibrator factory!

Yeah, but, what a way to go!

**SanteeFats** · October 2nd, 2015, 03:19 PM

A bloke was driving along in his car, minding his own business, when
a cop car pulled him over. As he got out of the car a huge pile of rubbish
and crap fell out of the driver's door and onto the cop's feet.
"This car is a fucking pig - sty!" the copper snarled
"Well, you better hop in then " the bloke said with a smile.

A bloke buys a camel from some shonk on a street corner, and he proudly
rides it into the pub car park, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers.
"Nice camel, mate" , one of his drinking commented. "Is it male
or female?"
"Female!" the bloke beamed.
"How do you know" his mate enquired."
"Well" , the bloke explained, "On the way here today, at least
twenty people yelled out: 'Hey - look at the cunt on the camel!

**photoflex** · October 2nd, 2015, 08:04 PM

Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘

The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’

The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’

The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’

The first one responds, ‘So am I!’

‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’

The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’

The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’

The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’

The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’

The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’

About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.

Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’

Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’

‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’

**gedly** · October 4th, 2015, 11:37 AM

**captpike** · October 4th, 2015, 01:08 PM

How to say "I LOVE YOU" IN 10 LANGUAGES

English------I Love You

Spanish-----Te Amo

French-------Je T'aime

German------Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese----Ai Shite Imasu

Italian---------Ti Amo

Chinese------Wo Ai Ni

Swedish------Jag Alskar Dig

Lithuanian----As Tave Meliu

Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas,-------Nice Tits,

Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, Mississippi, Kentucky, North Carolina, WestVirginia,Virginia-----------Get in the Truck

**Mal Hombre** · October 4th, 2015, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by captpike

Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, Mississippi, Kentucky, North Carolina, WestVirginia,Virginia-----------Get in the Truck

In those states,They wouldn't need to get in the truck-They're only in the next room..

**gedly** · October 4th, 2015, 01:42 PM

I once interviewed Sting for a job. I read everything on his CV. Still knew nothing about him.

**SanteeFats** · October 4th, 2015, 01:59 PM

From contributor Bill Littlejohn: “ Taylor Swift’s publicist, in the wake of several MLB teams suddenly going cold after one of her concerts in their cities (like San Diego), denies that there’s a Taylor Swift Curse. She says the only thing Taylor curses are her ex-boyfriends.”

**Mal Hombre** · October 4th, 2015, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

I once interviewed Sting for a job. I read everything on his CV. Still knew nothing about him.

I once interviewed the members of U2 for a job,I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

IronHerder · October 5th, 2015, 03:06 AM

Ole was on his way to the outhouse when he saw that Sven was already there. But Sven wasn't using the facilities, he was busy throwing coins, keys, jewelry and his watch into the accumulated post-digestive material. Ole asked, "Whatcha doin' there Sven?" Sven replied, "I dropped a dime, but ten cents, dat ain't worth goin' ta git."

October 2nd, 2015, 08:04 PM	#10133
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,927 Thanked 127,792 Times in 3,570 Posts	Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘ The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’ The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’ The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’ The first one responds, ‘So am I!’ ‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’ The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’ The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’ The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’ The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’ The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’ About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink. Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’ Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’ ‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’ __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

October 4th, 2015, 01:08 PM	#10135
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,175 Thanks: 80,358 Thanked 47,310 Times in 1,164 Posts	How to say "I LOVE YOU" IN 10 LANGUAGES English------I Love You Spanish-----Te Amo French-------Je T'aime German------Ich Liebe Dich Japanese----Ai Shite Imasu Italian---------Ti Amo Chinese------Wo Ai Ni Swedish------Jag Alskar Dig Lithuanian----As Tave Meliu Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas,-------Nice Tits, Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, Mississippi, Kentucky, North Carolina, WestVirginia,Virginia-----------Get in the Truck __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Looking for more of or about her? Due to recent changes I will be limited on my reups lost most of my collection To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 5th, 2015, 03:06 AM	#10140
IronHerder Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: Fly Over State, USA Posts: 131 Thanks: 5,115 Thanked 2,923 Times in 131 Posts	Scandinavian Immigrant Humor, cont'd. Ole was on his way to the outhouse when he saw that Sven was already there. But Sven wasn't using the facilities, he was busy throwing coins, keys, jewelry and his watch into the accumulated post-digestive material. Ole asked, "Whatcha doin' there Sven?" Sven replied, "I dropped a dime, but ten cents, dat ain't worth goin' ta git." __________________ "Never willfully ignore beauty, because we have a moral and religious obligation to appreciate God's creation" (copyright 2011, IronHerder) Last edited by IronHerder; October 5th, 2015 at 10:18 AM..

October 2nd, 2015, 03:19 PM	#10132
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,854 Thanks: 281,915 Thanked 814,284 Times in 60,901 Posts	A bloke was driving along in his car, minding his own business, when a cop car pulled him over. As he got out of the car a huge pile of rubbish and crap fell out of the driver's door and onto the cop's feet. "This car is a fucking pig - sty!" the copper snarled "Well, you better hop in then " the bloke said with a smile. A bloke buys a camel from some shonk on a street corner, and he proudly rides it into the pub car park, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers. "Nice camel, mate" , one of his drinking commented. "Is it male or female?" "Female!" the bloke beamed. "How do you know" his mate enquired." "Well" , the bloke explained, "On the way here today, at least twenty people yelled out: 'Hey - look at the cunt on the camel!

October 4th, 2015, 11:37 AM	#10134
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,321 Times in 3,171 Posts

October 4th, 2015, 01:42 PM	#10137
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,886 Thanked 69,321 Times in 3,171 Posts	I once interviewed Sting for a job. I read everything on his CV. Still knew nothing about him.

October 4th, 2015, 01:59 PM	#10138
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,854 Thanks: 281,915 Thanked 814,284 Times in 60,901 Posts	From contributor Bill Littlejohn: “ Taylor Swift’s publicist, in the wake of several MLB teams suddenly going cold after one of her concerts in their cities (like San Diego), denies that there’s a Taylor Swift Curse. She says the only thing Taylor curses are her ex-boyfriends.”