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February 23rd, 2017, 11:39 AM | #3351 |
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So now I have to step in and corrupt two wishes. First loosegoose. Wish granted. Your on your island paradise with Maryann and Ginger just the way they were in 1964, however, remember what happens when you go back in time. You want Maryann to give you a blow-job, and she is willing and thrilled. You both get naked and you lay down on the beach and she starts sucking, sucking, then you feel pain and you look down and Maryann's face has changed. Her face is pale, her eyes are bloodshot and her mouth is filled with two big fangs. Yep, she's a vampire. You try to get up but she slaps you down and yells to Ginger, "get over here and hold this bastard down". Now she is eating your cock, and the blood is spurting all over the place. Then Ginger starts to eat your neck. It is all over in a few minutes. You are a dry husk. Then Ginger says to Maryann. "What are we going to eat next time, there are no more dudes here" Maryann says, we will just have to hibernate until a shipwreck occurs!!
Now for bowlinggreen's wish. Happy Gilmore and I are on the 18th green playing for the PGA Championship. Near the green is a small pond. Happy hits his ball, but it slides down a hill and goes into the water. Happy then gets so disgusted he slams down his club and it breaks. The judges then disqualify him and declare me the winner. Then Happy gets boiling mad and tries to get into a fight with me. The judges try to pull him off me, but can't. Then Phil Mickelson goes up to Happy and gives him a karate chop to the neck and Happy is knocked unconcious, and falls into the pond and drowns. The judges then declare that due to all this trouble the game is canceled and will be re-played the next day. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wish for World peace. |
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February 23rd, 2017, 10:29 PM | #3352 |
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Cripes TM! No one would want to corrupt that wish. But I'll have a go.
And lo peace descends upon the world. Mr Putin becomes a gardener, Mr Trump plays golf and all is well. Without conflict the world thrives and many, if not most, of its ills are cured. There is no famine and polar bears still have an icy home. In fact people are now so passive that the ability to fight is lost altogether and is a thing of history. But what we didn't know is that some years ago, Lord Twool and General Thaaaarg of the planet Zop flew to Earth intending to conquer it. However, they landed in Glasgow on a Saturday night and decided it was too rough for them to subdue...and they didn't want to get blood on their nice shiny, silver uniforms. Now they return to give it a second go. Finding the Earth unguarded and unable to put up any resistance at all, they are able to rule the planet with only the threat of a nasty wedgie or being hit with a balloon on a stick. I wish my bloody cold and tonsillitis would feck off! |
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February 23rd, 2017, 11:01 PM | #3353 |
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Wish granted. You're fed up with your regular doctors because they're suggestions have not done anything for your cold. Then you see an ad in the paper for a miracle cure for all upper and lower respiratory diseases. You send in the money and have the potion express delivered to your flat. It says on the bottle to take the whole bottle and mix it with fruit juice. You do so and within just 10 minutes all your cold symptoms are gone. No stuffy nose. No sneezing. No coughing. No irritated throat. You have this big grin on your face and you run to your wife and suggest a night of infinite pleasures in the bedroom. When you take your clothes off you start to scream. Your wife says "What's wrong honey pie". And you say to her: "my dick, my dick, what happened to my dick". That's right!. No more cold, and no more dick and no more nuts!!
I wish I had 5 million dollars. |
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February 23rd, 2017, 11:11 PM | #3354 | |
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By your standards, TM's vampire corruption is equally foul. You just want to get inside Maryann and Ginger, no matter what. This isn't that sort of thread, you know. Now, on to TM's wish. You get 5 million dollars - Zimbabwe dollars. Worth a little under 14,000 in US currency. Being trailmaster, you decide to go to Zimbabwe and see if you can't stretch those Zimbabwean dollars a bit further. But all of that currency attracts the attention of the Zimbabwean customs thugs, who assume you are an evil racist South African or some such come to fund some rebels. Before long you are in the secret police dungeons of Zimbabwe with electrical wires attached to your balls. The electrical shocks are so agonizing you confess to everything they ask, and come to find yourself with a 200 year sentence for spying and sedition. You spend the rest of your life slaving on a state-run coffee plantation, and you can't jerk off at night as an escape since the electrical shocks have destroyed all of the nerve endings in your penis. I wish for a twelve inch penis - all natural, all mine, no animal penis, and no transplant from a serial rapist, etc.
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February 24th, 2017, 01:44 PM | #3355 |
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Well, it's old joke time...
Slightly deaf genie hears you wrong, and now you have a one foot tall dude who can really tickle the ivories. On the plus side, he's quite talented and has an extended repetoire. On the other hand, the small piano is quite irritating to listen to. I wish for one night of carnal bliss with Mary Anne on the island, no matter what the cost. (Here it comes...)
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February 24th, 2017, 07:26 PM | #3356 |
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Mary Ann
Are you sure??thats some pervy wish, well each to his own Mary Ann Cotton (née Robson; 31 October 1832 – 24 March 1873) was an English serial killer, convicted and hanged for the murder by poisoning of her stepson Charles Edward Cotton. It is likely that she murdered three of her four husbands, apparently in order to collect on their insurance policies, and many others. She may have murdered as many as 21 people, including 11 of her 13 children. She chiefly used arsenic poisoning, causing gastric pain and rapid decline of health. I wish to be able to predict the outcome of sporting events ,ching ching winner winner
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February 25th, 2017, 10:49 PM | #3357 |
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Wish granted. You love horse racing, but when you have gone in the past you only bet a little money, because you always lose. Now though you have pre-cognition (the ability to foretell the future). You see in your mind which horse will win the next day and decide to go and bet a bundle of money. In fact you bet more than half of what you own. You get a seat right down in front so you can see your horse win. He is in the last stall. As the horses leave their gates you are actually bored because you know which horse will win. The race track is two miles long. Finally you see your horse and he is ahead. A loud voice comes out of the speakers "And down the stretch they come" All of a sudden just before your horse crosses the finish line he slips on something on the track and moving at a speed of almost 40 mph crashes into the wall in front of where you are sitting, plows through the wall and lands on you crushing you into a bloody pulp. The horse itself was not badly hurt. After the smoke and debris clears an offcial says, "you know it's too bad this guy died, because if the horse had won he would have been the biggest winner this track has ever seen."
I wish that everytime a hurricane forms in the Atlantic Ocean and is about to strike the east coast of America it disappears and re-appears in the Indian Ocean as a cyclone about to hit the southeast coast of Australia. |
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February 28th, 2017, 08:17 PM | #3358 | |
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I wish that it hadn't seemed like a good idea at the time |
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February 28th, 2017, 10:14 PM | #3359 |
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Wish granted. It's hard to tell what you mean loosegoose because whenever you say anything it is like words coming out of the mouth of a madman. Nevertheless your idea of a cyclone hitting Austria is erased and the cyclone re-appeared in the Indian Ocean, and then split up into three separate cyclones that hit all the coastal cities of Australia and your house or flat wherever you live was blown away. Luckily your wife was not at home, but you were and you were blown up into the mouth of the cyclone and deposited in a swamp inhabited by those giant nasty salt water crocodiles.
I wish I had gills behind my ears so I could swim in deepwater like Kevin Costner in the film Waterword. |
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March 1st, 2017, 11:07 AM | #3360 | |
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Extreme pain in the ear Dizziness (vertigo) Bleeding or fluid coming from the ear, which means you have a ruptured eardrum Hearing loss Barotrauma of the lungs leaving you coughing up blood which attracts sharks. They laugh at your feeble efforts to punch them in the eye...or they would do if their mouths weren't full. I wish when we go to America this year and we arrive at Alice Cooper's house, it turns out that when he told me at the concert meet and greet my wife bought me, 'to look him up if we were ever in The States.' he really meant it. |
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