Post your corny jokes - Page 1064

**SanteeFats** · February 15th, 2016, 01:55 PM

A Mother and Father take their young son to the circus.
When the elephants appear, the son is intrigued by them, and he turns to his mother and says, "Mom, what's that hanging between the elephant's legs?, is it another trunk"
The mother is very embarrassed, and says "Oh, it's nothing son."
So the son turns to his father and asks the same question.
The father replies, "It's the elephant's penis, son."
So the son says, "Why did mom say it was nothing?"
The father says proudly, "well son, she's been spoilt".

**photoflex** · February 16th, 2016, 10:08 AM

A knight went off to fight in the Holy Crusades but before leaving he made his wife wear a chastity belt. After tightly securing it to her, he handed the key to his best friend with the instruction: "If I do not return within seven years, unlock my wife and set her free to lead a normal life."
The knight then rode off on the first leg of his journey to the Holy Land, but he had only traveled barely an hour when he was suddenly aware of the sound of pounding hooves behind him. He turned to see that it was his best friend.

"What is the problem?" asked the knight.

His best friend replied: "You gave me the wrong key."

WURZ · February 16th, 2016, 10:24 AM

There are approximately 3.2 billion birds on the planet, 250,000 planes and one

superman.........

So in answer to your question,it's probably a bird.........................

**SanteeFats** · February 16th, 2016, 01:45 PM

In the beginning God created woman and blessed her with three breasts. Then the woman said "I am not giving birth to litters so I do not need three breasts".
"I have given you wisdom and it is through this wisdom you have spoken" said God
"What should I do with this useless boob now"? said God
And God took the one useless boob and created man

**justme21** · February 16th, 2016, 05:49 PM

**ManofKent** · February 16th, 2016, 07:54 PM

I was watching a quiz show on TV today.

Q: What name does Argentina give to the Falkland Islands?
Me: Theirs?

**gedly** · February 16th, 2016, 11:32 PM

We had this anti-Islamic demonstration in our town today. A woman shouts thru the megaphone, "Do you want to live in a country where you get to know your wife on the day you marry her?" A man yells back, "It's already like that in every country".

**SanteeFats** · February 17th, 2016, 12:05 AM

A farmer is looking really pissed of in his local pub when his friend asks him whats wrong." i cant get the bull to mate with the cows" he says.his friend says "well i have a tip for you.when you get home,rub your hand over the cows cunt and smear it over the bulls nose and he will fuck them senseless. so the farmer goes home and does as his friend says and sure enough,the bull is fucking everything cow in site. so the farmer thinks" if it works for the bull,then ill try it on the wife tonight".so that night while his wife is asleep,he slides into bed and rubs his hand over his wifes cunt and smears it over his nose.he gets a raging hard on and then nudges his wife in the ribs and says "take a look at this" .his wife switches the lamp on,turns round,looks at him and says" you woke me up just to show me you have a nose bleed."

**photoflex** · February 17th, 2016, 08:58 AM

Man Starts Taking Viagra to Improve His Relationship
FACEBOOK
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he’d like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”

He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.”

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”

He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says: “Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving.”

**tun** · February 19th, 2016, 03:35 PM

I keep forgetting to pay the rental for my allotment - I think I'm losing the plot.

February 16th, 2016, 10:08 AM	#10632
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,784 Times in 3,570 Posts	A knight went off to fight in the Holy Crusades but before leaving he made his wife wear a chastity belt. After tightly securing it to her, he handed the key to his best friend with the instruction: "If I do not return within seven years, unlock my wife and set her free to lead a normal life." The knight then rode off on the first leg of his journey to the Holy Land, but he had only traveled barely an hour when he was suddenly aware of the sound of pounding hooves behind him. He turned to see that it was his best friend. "What is the problem?" asked the knight. His best friend replied: "You gave me the wrong key." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

February 16th, 2016, 10:24 AM	#10633
WURZ Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 333 Thanks: 4,286 Thanked 9,667 Times in 306 Posts	There are approximately 3.2 billion birds on the planet, 250,000 planes and one superman......... So in answer to your question,it's probably a bird......................... __________________ FTW..AFU

February 17th, 2016, 08:58 AM	#10639
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,925 Thanked 127,784 Times in 3,570 Posts	Man Starts Taking Viagra to Improve His Relationship FACEBOOK A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?” He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite. At lunchtime, she asks him if he’d like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?” He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “really trashes my desire for food.” Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?” He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.” “Well,” she says: “Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

February 15th, 2016, 01:55 PM	#10631
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,941 Times in 60,879 Posts	A Mother and Father take their young son to the circus. When the elephants appear, the son is intrigued by them, and he turns to his mother and says, "Mom, what's that hanging between the elephant's legs?, is it another trunk" The mother is very embarrassed, and says "Oh, it's nothing son." So the son turns to his father and asks the same question. The father replies, "It's the elephant's penis, son." So the son says, "Why did mom say it was nothing?" The father says proudly, "well son, she's been spoilt".

February 16th, 2016, 01:45 PM	#10634
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,941 Times in 60,879 Posts	In the beginning God created woman and blessed her with three breasts. Then the woman said "I am not giving birth to litters so I do not need three breasts". "I have given you wisdom and it is through this wisdom you have spoken" said God "What should I do with this useless boob now"? said God And God took the one useless boob and created man

February 16th, 2016, 05:49 PM	#10635
justme21 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 882 Thanks: 7,757 Thanked 16,628 Times in 880 Posts

February 16th, 2016, 07:54 PM	#10636
ManofKent Vintage Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: U.K Posts: 1,130 Thanks: 10,125 Thanked 13,833 Times in 1,113 Posts	I was watching a quiz show on TV today. Q: What name does Argentina give to the Falkland Islands? Me: Theirs?

February 16th, 2016, 11:32 PM	#10637
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,317 Times in 3,171 Posts	We had this anti-Islamic demonstration in our town today. A woman shouts thru the megaphone, "Do you want to live in a country where you get to know your wife on the day you marry her?" A man yells back, "It's already like that in every country".

February 17th, 2016, 12:05 AM	#10638
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,833 Thanks: 281,852 Thanked 813,941 Times in 60,879 Posts	A farmer is looking really pissed of in his local pub when his friend asks him whats wrong." i cant get the bull to mate with the cows" he says.his friend says "well i have a tip for you.when you get home,rub your hand over the cows cunt and smear it over the bulls nose and he will fuck them senseless. so the farmer goes home and does as his friend says and sure enough,the bull is fucking everything cow in site. so the farmer thinks" if it works for the bull,then ill try it on the wife tonight".so that night while his wife is asleep,he slides into bed and rubs his hand over his wifes cunt and smears it over his nose.he gets a raging hard on and then nudges his wife in the ribs and says "take a look at this" .his wife switches the lamp on,turns round,looks at him and says" you woke me up just to show me you have a nose bleed."

February 19th, 2016, 03:35 PM	#10640
tun Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 4,724 Thanks: 14,847 Thanked 165,519 Times in 4,743 Posts	I keep forgetting to pay the rental for my allotment - I think I'm losing the plot.