The VEF Members Novel

[TCO95]

Originally Posted by TCO95

...

Smiling wickedly to himself NIN decided he would recount the Tale of Tygrkhat40 that night after dinner. Singing softly "Buffalo girl won't you come out tonight, come out tonight..." NIN entered the kitchen and was greeted by ...

Standing before him was the scourge of York, Jeff Vader. He claims to be from the land of Heineken and hash but everyone knows he's Geordie through and through. NIN also knew if he was talking to Jeff he was really talking to Mr. Big. "So what can I do for you." said NIN with thinly veiled contempt. "You can put down that duck and listen to what I have to say" replied Jeff. NIN, now somewhat confused as he wasn't holding a duck decided to instead pass gas. Jeff, nonplussed by this malodorous eruption delivered his message in haiku "Mr. Big invites you, to dine tonight at eightish, bring a large pastry". He now departed, hastily, out the back door leaving NIN alone and confused. Why was Mr. Big inviting a lowly man servant to dine? Oh sure he owned one of the largest porn collections in Cornwall but why would that be of interest? While he pondered this tidbit he decided to pass gas.

High atop London in his penthouse apartment in the Gherkin building stood a lonely figure petting a duck. Everything was proceeding as planned. Soon Herr Himmler would be joining him to dine and unwittingly providing the last clue to the location of the jade monkey. With the jade monkey and the eye of Osiris he would be unstoppable, nothing could go wrong, nothing!

[MaxJoker]

Originally Posted by TCO95

With the jade monkey and the eye of Osiris he would be unstoppable, nothing could go wrong, nothing!

Until he had a sneezing fit after having been handed both, then dropped them way way several stories down.

Into the wide open waiting deep trouser pockets of Mal the Merciless.

Who was satisfied that the fifty pesos he`d paid Prolapse the Mexican chamber maid to coat Jeff`s, Nin`s and Mr Bigs mustache combs with snuff ,had been money well spent.

"Now the world will learn my power "

Chuckled Mal , his muscular ideal weight frame shaking with maniacal mirth.

" I am oniimpant , oonumpotent , ompootenti , errrrr great "

He evilly declared, in a manner all evil and such like !.

Crossing the street towards Mrs Miggins Pie Shoppe he felt everything was now within his grasp, especially her pork crackingly meaty special.

When all of a sudden up popped a furious ......................

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

When all of a sudden up popped a furious ......................

NIN , Ninjaturtle and Kelio.... The three of them got sick and tired of zero thanking requestors and leeches. So they came up with a plan... Tag Team Serial Killers NIN went first, drew a sabre and took off too, err, Belfast and................

[NIN]

Originally Posted by MaxJoker

...
When all of a sudden up popped a furious ......................

Duck

"You left me , abandoned on the gherkin with no means of escape
I had to cadge food from some very uncouth cock-a-ney pidgeons until i had learnt to fly"
"Damn pigeions didn't even know how to spell pigeon they were so badly brunged-up & it's had an affect on mi pronunciations", quacked the wildfoul

"Look, I thought you'd be alright up there - certainly better off than stuck with me", I replied
"Anyway I'd arranged with oniimpa, oonumpotent, ompoot..
Omni-Mal to pick you up Saturday evening"
the bird had now had an effect on my speech.

"Adolf Himmler knows what has been affekting peeples' speach, yoo need to find him to get to the bottom of all this poo' grammar"

so armed with this knowledge we set off for the City of....

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

NIN , Ninjaturtle and Kelio.... The three of them got sick and tired of zero thanking requestors and leeches. So they came up with a plan... Tag Team Serial Killers NIN went first, drew a sabre and took off too, err, Belfast and................

Originally Posted by NIN

so armed with this knowledge we set off for the City of....

Estreeter, with much great haste realized that he sent NIN, Ninja and K-Man too the wrong place, there ain't much worth bothering with in Belfast. He went too tell them not too go, quickly summoned Buttsie, Tmee, RjG, Blondi, Greywolf and sent off too Europe. It was Blondi's idea too stop at the bottle (liquor) shop for a few travelers for the journey. Tmee, who seemed the most responsible took too the flight controls, but little did anbody know that Estreeter injected him with home made grapper........ Tmee crashed the plane somewhere near Marble Bar, they were stranded and lost, nobody too save them....... In the mean time, KMan, NIN and Ninja began their murderous spree.......

[Ninjaturtle]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

In the mean time, KMan, NIN and Ninja began their murderous spree.......

killing bubble wraps and smoking Obama Kush as suddenly Ing speaks to them.....

[Tmee2020]

Originally Posted by NIN

Duck

so armed with this knowledge we set off for the City of....

Arhm, well judging by our ship, The Flying Duytchman I guess it must have been Hamburg.

Shame was we turned right instead of left and ended up in WA.

After a skilful crashlanding in the desert the chaps quickly got a blazing fire going in preparation for our evening repast. Turns out the ungrateful bastards were conspiring to put the pilot on it. Turning a blind eye to their bloody awful navigating that had got us into this mess in the first place.

Luckily the Western Australian desert is the only place in the country with decent mobile coverage and I was able to get my friends in St Pauli on the Dog 'N Bone, see if they can organise a daring rescue mission.

The Hamburgers were....


Mmmmmm.....Burgers......

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by tmee2000

The Hamburgers were....


Mmmmmm.....Burgers......

Soon afterwards, 2 of the red colored mods who are both overweight, only one far more than the other had a brilliant idea Burgers were stuck in their minds .... And, they heard that Greenmans parents were out of town and decided to erect an indoor BBQ in his attic and throw a party for all the VEF regulars



Then tried making some smallish burgers



But that size needs a lot of heat and ..................



Greenmans attic burned down

Both of them did only what they know best .... They fled the scene For the safety of NIN's basement .... awaiting to be rescued by.........

[blondifan]

Originally Posted by Estreeter

...
Both of them did only what they know best .... They fled the scene For the safety of NIN's basement .... awaiting to be rescued by.........

An army of giant Puggles. Not to be eaten by anyone, least ye feel the wrath of Karvef.
Even if you just want to chew on the arm.

So wandering off into the WA wilkiderness, taking great detours to avoid the non-pub of Widgemooltha they decide to make camp at Kalgoorlie, (that was one hell of a walk), whereupon E tries to drive a tent peg into the ground only to find on his very first blow that he has discovered the largest gold nugget in the history of the world and due to there being next to no tax on mining in 'Straya he gets to keep most of it.

Unfortunately due to Oz no longer having a car manufacturing industry, he's forced to carry it until he can either buy a quality second hand conveyance, or wait for an import.

On we plod until....

[Estreeter]

Originally Posted by blondifan

whereupon E tries to drive a tent peg into the ground only to find on his very first blow that he has discovered the largest gold nugget in the history of the world

But E threw it away the owner of Australia's oldest brothel which is in Kalgoorlie happened to be in town, none other than, palo5 E knew that he didn't need the cash to get a free meaningless root

Originally Posted by blondifan

On we plod until....

......... He gets arrested