Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 66

**rotobott** · September 4th, 2015, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweatyhat

Syrian meal times:
The men provide for the table and the women do the cooking.
Leaving the kids to wash up.

[/B][/COLOR]

Way way too soon

**pudpuller** · September 4th, 2015, 11:28 PM

Not really, the family had lived in Turkey for a year, they were in a safe haven. The father murdered his wife and two kids trying to enter the EU illegally. They were economic migrants. As tragic as the childrens deaths are, over 2,000 others have died trying to cross the Med. Stalin said, one death is a tragedy, a million deaths are a mere statistic.

**SanteeFats** · September 7th, 2015, 03:11 PM

Six mates were seated at the bar, each trying to impress one another with the sizeof their dicks. The bragging went on for almost an hour, and the bartender got tiredof hearing that shit, so he said, "Let's put an end to all this crap and find out who's lyingand who isn't. Each of you whip out your dong and lay it on the bar." All six of then did.
Just at that moment a faggot walked into the bar, and the bartender asked him if hewanted a drink.
The queer looked down the bar, and in a lisping voice, he said, "No thanks, I'll just havesome of the buffet."

**sweatyhat** · September 7th, 2015, 07:23 PM

I've donated some clothes to the Syrian refugees.
I knew that Borat swimsuit would come in useful one day.

If being a peeping tom has taught me one thing,
it's that Mrs Jones from number 43 pretends to be asleep
when her husband masturbates to a picture of their daughter.

Credit to OPs

**BondJmsBond** · September 8th, 2015, 04:39 PM

Congratulations to Mike Brown for making it a year with no arrests.

**sweatyhat** · September 8th, 2015, 08:09 PM

Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries.

"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes.
What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast.

If Jesus had been executed 20 years ago then christians would wear little electric chairs around their necks.

This Churchy type woman approached me in the town centre yesterday,
rattling her tin under my nose.
"I'm collecting for Jesus!" she beamed.
I said, "What are they, fcuking nails?"

Credit to OPs

**Grey Wolf** · September 9th, 2015, 02:18 PM

Welsh

**sweatyhat** · September 9th, 2015, 10:52 PM

I once convinced a blind woman that I had a braille tattoo on my penis.
Thank fcuk she was a slow reader.

I saw a bloke jogging past me with a prosthetic leg today.
Fair play to him I thought.
Then I saw the kid he stole it off laying on the ground crying.

Credit to OPs

**SanteeFats** · September 10th, 2015, 02:00 PM

A strange-looking old man walked into a funeral home and said to the mortician,
"I'll give you $100 for the vagina of the blonde lying in the casket in the front room."
The mortician looked at the guy like he was nuts. "Are you crazy?" he said, "I could
lose my license."
"How about $200, then?"
The mortician debated with himself, then said, "All right, you've got a deal, but keep
it quiet, okay?" Locking the doors and pulling the drapes, he went hurriedly to work,
scalpel in hand.
In minutes, he was holding the dripping pussy at arm's length, and he asked nervously,
"How do you want it wrapped?"
"Don't sweat it," the old guy said. "I'll eat it here."

A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?"
The mother says, "It's a vagina."
So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?"
"When you're a teenager," the mother replies.
Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?"
"It's a penis," he replies.
"When will I get one of those?" she asks.
The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."

**sweatyhat** · September 11th, 2015, 07:36 PM

It's OK to show a flaccid penis but not a erect one TV bosses say.
The mums at my local park are not so lenient.

I walked in to the house to find my parents dead and my brother with a gun in his hand, still smoking.
"I thought you'd quit," I said to him, as I went upstairs.

Kate Middleton endured a 14 hour labour.
It's the most work that a member of the Royal Family has done since arranging a Parisian car crash.

Credit to OPs

September 7th, 2015, 07:23 PM	#654
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,901 Times in 10,563 Posts	I've donated some clothes to the Syrian refugees. I knew that Borat swimsuit would come in useful one day. If being a peeping tom has taught me one thing, it's that Mrs Jones from number 43 pretends to be asleep when her husband masturbates to a picture of their daughter. Credit to OPs __________________

September 8th, 2015, 08:09 PM	#656
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,901 Times in 10,563 Posts	Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries. "Jesus loves you." A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison. Christians always go on about the time Jesus fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fishes. What about Hitler? He made six million Jews toast. If Jesus had been executed 20 years ago then christians would wear little electric chairs around their necks. This Churchy type woman approached me in the town centre yesterday, rattling her tin under my nose. "I'm collecting for Jesus!" she beamed. I said, "What are they, fcuking nails?" Credit to OPs __________________

September 9th, 2015, 10:52 PM	#658
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,901 Times in 10,563 Posts	I once convinced a blind woman that I had a braille tattoo on my penis. Thank fcuk she was a slow reader. I saw a bloke jogging past me with a prosthetic leg today. Fair play to him I thought. Then I saw the kid he stole it off laying on the ground crying. Credit to OPs __________________

September 11th, 2015, 07:36 PM	#660
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,901 Times in 10,563 Posts	It's OK to show a flaccid penis but not a erect one TV bosses say. The mums at my local park are not so lenient. I walked in to the house to find my parents dead and my brother with a gun in his hand, still smoking. "I thought you'd quit," I said to him, as I went upstairs. Kate Middleton endured a 14 hour labour. It's the most work that a member of the Royal Family has done since arranging a Parisian car crash. Credit to OPs __________________

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September 4th, 2015, 11:28 PM	#652
pudpuller Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1,483 Thanks: 12,984 Thanked 55,124 Times in 1,505 Posts	Not really, the family had lived in Turkey for a year, they were in a safe haven. The father murdered his wife and two kids trying to enter the EU illegally. They were economic migrants. As tragic as the childrens deaths are, over 2,000 others have died trying to cross the Med. Stalin said, one death is a tragedy, a million deaths are a mere statistic.

September 7th, 2015, 03:11 PM	#653
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,773 Times in 60,861 Posts	Six mates were seated at the bar, each trying to impress one another with the sizeof their dicks. The bragging went on for almost an hour, and the bartender got tiredof hearing that shit, so he said, "Let's put an end to all this crap and find out who's lyingand who isn't. Each of you whip out your dong and lay it on the bar." All six of then did. Just at that moment a faggot walked into the bar, and the bartender asked him if hewanted a drink. The queer looked down the bar, and in a lisping voice, he said, "No thanks, I'll just havesome of the buffet."

September 8th, 2015, 04:39 PM	#655
BondJmsBond Vintage Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,059 Thanks: 28,052 Thanked 27,273 Times in 3,004 Posts	Congratulations to Mike Brown for making it a year with no arrests.

September 9th, 2015, 02:18 PM	#657
Grey Wolf Rat Catcher Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 18,944 Thanks: 360,265 Thanked 481,938 Times in 19,976 Posts	Welsh

September 10th, 2015, 02:00 PM	#659
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,773 Times in 60,861 Posts	A strange-looking old man walked into a funeral home and said to the mortician, "I'll give you $100 for the vagina of the blonde lying in the casket in the front room." The mortician looked at the guy like he was nuts. "Are you crazy?" he said, "I could lose my license." "How about $200, then?" The mortician debated with himself, then said, "All right, you've got a deal, but keep it quiet, okay?" Locking the doors and pulling the drapes, he went hurriedly to work, scalpel in hand. In minutes, he was holding the dripping pussy at arm's length, and he asked nervously, "How do you want it wrapped?" "Don't sweat it," the old guy said. "I'll eat it here." A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?" The mother says, "It's a vagina." So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?" "When you're a teenager," the mother replies. Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?" "It's a penis," he replies. "When will I get one of those?" she asks. The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."