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Old 09-30-2010, 12:12 PM   #1
MaxJoker
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Thumbs up The Total Bullshit Thread , and why not !




Is what this thread is all about


As in a place where we can discuss or perpetuate this nations greatest tradition



No not women doing their rightful career

I`m talking about crap like this


Own a London Mint Penny for FREE.

Just send 2.50 for postage !


Consolidate all your debts .

By combining them into one massive debt with crippling interest repayments that don`t even touch the debt itself !


Sign up and pay nothing now.

But everything and the shirt on your back tomorrow !

Actually have begun this thread because i`m slightly pissed off at having to deal with certain Bullers (Not here i mean for work) , the latest of which has told me the biggest steaming pile ever in an attempt to buy some time before paying me what he owes

It`s not a great deal of money by any means but that`s not the point is it. Oh and i know it's bullshit alright because unlike him i have a process in my brain that allows me to use logic and memory . Also a nose capable of smelling the stench even if it's in a lead lined box six feet under

Unfortunately there's nothing i can do because he told me over the phone so i couldn`t see the sods face (Yet another reason i hate phones) and couldn`t call him out on it

Well not without seeming callous , since there's a five percent chance he was telling the truth

So have you heard , seen or told any bullshit yourself recently ?

If so why not name , shame or boast about it here

By the way apologies if this first post doesn`t read too well , but then i`m currently having sex with Kimberly Walsh and my laptops balanced on her back
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Old 09-30-2010, 06:21 PM   #2
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That latest Vauxhall add is 100% steaming buffalo crap!

"We're the first car company in the UK to offer a warranty which could last a lifetime".

No you're not!

First of all, the small print: it's the lifetime of the car (not your lifetime), it's limited to 100,000miles, and it's only applicable to the first registered owner (don't ask me why that should affect a warranty!)

So, if the car does 99,999 miles and blows up, Vauxhall are obliged to fix it under the warranty. If the car does 100,001 miles and then blows up, the warranty has not lasted the lifetime of the car. In other words, the only way the warranty could "last a lifetime" is if the car blows up as the odometer ticks over to 100,000 miles!

If a manufacturer offers a three year warranty and the car blows up at the end of the 36th month, the warranty has lasted the lifetime of the car. If it offers a year's warranty and it only lasts 12 months, same situation.

Vauxhall ... cut the crap!
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Old 10-01-2010, 02:49 PM   #3
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Angry Insurance bullshitters

Because as you know i`m not somebody who is against chancing his arm , or for that matter both testicles
Yesterday i made an attempt to Bull my mothers house insurance provider (Spoke to a nice Indian man with an accent so thick you could have ladled it onto a plate and eaten with rice ) and tried to claim dosh for a dying on it's arse laptop. By saying the laptop was her`s and she'd dropped it

Almost would have worked except the sods wanted it to see if it could be repaired , and if it couldn`t they weren`t going to hand me ma a cheque (So she could pay it in then write one to me ) . No they were going to send a Toshiba Satellite Pro A120 in exchange, despite the fact the laptop that`s dying on it's arse is worth nearly twice as much.
Know what you`re thinking . " Don`t be a dummy,why not take that new laptop and try to sell it" right .
You`re thinking "Hmmm the Toshiba Satellite Pro A120 , a well designed piece of kit"
Nope , more like a designed to fail just after the warranty (If you`re lucky) heap of shit !
But then it is fitted with the worst most temperamental (But cheapest) component in existent the Matshita DVD-RAM UJ-841S.

At most maybe i could get a 100 , but for that i`d have to jump through hoops and sacrifice my current laptop which has a " Borrowed" Microsoft word package on it that`s worth more than 190 right there .

Since the sods wouldn`t return the laptop if i sent it to them

Why

My mothers been with Norwich Union (Now Aviva) for years and never claimed a thing , and the one time -Cough- she wants to claim they offer -Cough- her a worthless heap of shite





The buggers also do life insurance

What are the odds with that policy once you snuff it they just send round a bag of lime , nose plugs and a shovel
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Old 11-02-2010, 06:42 PM   #4
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That's why the economy is in such a mess right now!
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Old 12-20-2010, 12:33 PM   #5
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Have been working all weekend and am completely knacked , in fact i haven`t felt this knacked since i had that three way with Savanna and Anna Malle

What are they going to say i never did and try to sue me


Anyway in order to buy myself some time i`ve bullshitted a couple of bosses and told them my laptops motor burned out , not sure if they believed it or not . Still F-em if they didn`t since these are the same people who`ll bang the drum for me to finish ahead of contractually scheduled , then keep me hanging for two months before they bother paying me

Talk about feeling cheated


Fact i haven`t felt this cheated since Johnny Cash asked me about my symptoms after eating a particularly hot vindaloo , then used what i`d said word for word as the chorus to a single
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Old 12-20-2010, 06:42 PM   #6
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One Piece at a time ?
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The nakedness of woman is the work of God-William Blake

It is a porn site,But it's a Classy porn site.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:12 PM   #7
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Default Mediator

Across the Channel, where I live, Mediator is known as an appetite suppressant which is also supposed to help improve glycemic control.
In your neck of the woods, it is perhaps better known as Benfluorex.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benfluorex



Now this legal drug has killed over 500 people here. And those who have taken it for more than 3 months and are still alive face permanent heart valve disease.

Mediator - Terminator would have been more suitable - is currently the object of public scrutiny and agitating the political sphere - not to mention the pharmaceutical corporations fearing for the loss of income - because of new deaths.

Commercialized in 1985, this drug was withdrawn from the US market in 1997 and prohibited in many European countries. Why has my dear country continued the sale of this killer? Would my cynicism have me think that politicians are complicit in this state of affairs and that profits matter more than human lives. (It's not a question )

This is no scandal. Nope, it's a SCAMDAL

Great thread brother GreenSkull. No bullshit
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Old 01-27-2011, 03:03 PM   #8
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You`ve probably all heard about those cheeky little minions from Murdoch's empire ,and how they`ve been hacking celebrities and famous folks phones to find out all the juicy gossip .

Well they hacked my phone to

What`s worse they stole the images i had of my current sexual partner

Really wishing now i hadn`t got so drunk that night and taken those photos


Why the hell did i do it









I mean it`s not as if i didn`t already know what my right hand looks like
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Old 01-28-2011, 08:07 PM   #9
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Call This Number Now, To Claim Your Share Of The Prize Money..
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Old 01-28-2011, 08:31 PM   #10
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Default It's True!

From our dear friends in Hollywood...

"Based on a True Story". No it's bloody not. It's a few facts cobbled together with absolute bullshit spun around it. Never was this more apparent than "The Perfect Storm'" What? They all drowned like rats? Then what did I just watch for 90 minutes? A steaming pile of crap that supposedly was "true" wasn't, and in fact was totally made up!. ( "bout tossed my drink through the screen when I realized this). If this is "true" then so is the Wizard of Oz, 'cos one night after a tornado, a lass in Kansas had this really weird dream.

Now it's even worse..."inspired by true events." WTF does that mean? "Tron: Legacy" is true because computers really exist? Arrgghhh.
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