October 14th, 2013, 07:04 PM | #81 |
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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. |
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October 14th, 2013, 07:14 PM | #82 |
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I was a bit disappointed when the hands free kit I ordered from Saudi Arabia arrived. It was a big knife It's being said that a lot of the time, women fake orgasms. The ones I shag don't even bother to do that, they just cry and scream for help. I have massive respect for people who are able to make fun of their own, crippling illnesses. Much like this African kid I saw when i visited his village, he was malarious.
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October 15th, 2013, 04:01 PM | #83 |
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Kate McCann was on the news today saying "We're not the ones who have done something wrong here"
Sorry Kate, but when Josef Fritzl can look after his kids better than you can, you shouldn't make those claims. That Crimewatch program last night about Madeleine McCann has just reminded me of something. She needs feeding. I really hope little Maddie arrives home safe and unharmed. Should do as i made sure to double bubble wrap her first.
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October 17th, 2013, 04:03 AM | #84 |
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I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up and stored in the freezer.
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October 17th, 2013, 04:38 PM | #85 |
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Two mates were having a few beers at the pub. "Geez, there are some spastics and lunatics on the road tonight" said the first. "Yeah, I know", replied the second, "I've ran over 6 already tonight."
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October 17th, 2013, 04:50 PM | #86 |
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I used to be into sadism, necrophilia and beastiality.
But I gave it up 'cos I always felt I was flogging a dead horse. |
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October 17th, 2013, 04:53 PM | #87 |
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I went out with a girl last week, she told me she wanted to be 'treated like a Princess'
So I put her in the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall. |
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October 18th, 2013, 05:09 PM | #88 |
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Hey calm down calm down, Satan herself told me this joke was more than mild.
A Pakistani family got on my bus earlier carrying shopping bags full of rotting fish.
They fcuking stunk. But fortunately the fish helped mask most of the smell.
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October 19th, 2013, 08:13 AM | #89 |
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On my first night in town after 6 months in the deep woods cutting down trees, all I wanted was a woman, and the only women in town that were available were at the house of ill repute.
I insisted on the toughest bitch they had. I went into the room, and put a six-pack, a condom, ear plugs, and a nose plug on the night table. The hooker looked at them and said "If you want anything kinky. it'll cost extra" "No" I said, "Just straight sex" "What you gonna do with those?" she asked, as she got down on all fours. "Two things that put me off sex are the sound of a screaming woman and the smell of burning rubber" I said as I pulled the condom on, "Why are you waving your ass in the air, I said I wanted straight sex " "I thought you might want to open those beers"
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Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the arabs were eating their dates...
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October 19th, 2013, 12:21 PM | #90 |
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Three vampires walk into a pub. First Vampire orders a blood on the rocks. Second vampire orders a double blood. The third vampire asks just for a mug of hot water. "Don't you want blood like your mates do?" asks the bartender. The third vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea"
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