Hotels , B&B`s Or Places You Stayed In.

[Estreeter]

Ambassadors Hotel

If you're ever in Adelaide and lookin' for a real cheap room you can trash, then look no further. Trust me, after you've trashed it, it will be an improvement. So how cheap is it, well to cut a long story short.

It was cheaper for myself and a mate to drive there, a 7 hour drive, stay 5 nights than for my mate to catch a train to Melbourne every day for 5 days to watch The Boxing Day Cricket test match.

Here are some quotes from guests that are bang on 100% accurate

1. Dont be up late for breakfast, no bowls, no plates, no juice, no butter left, and no one manning the area either!!!
2. Bathroom is never shown in any of their pictures.....because it's terrible!! Broken tiles, rust stains in toilet bowl and down the tiles in the shower.
3. No remote for the TV!!! and a bar fridge that is as noisy as the aircon...
4. Have to leave the curtains open so you can use the aircon which isnt pleasent when your after a sleep in, or the continual emptying of glass bottles into a dump truck at 6am
5. Or to be told apon check out that you have to pay for the parking ticket they gave you but never told you there was a fee to use it!!!

1 air-conditioning doesn't mean a fan.
2 any hotel where you need a GPS to navigate the hallways should be avoided.
3 I prefer the soap from the last 3 guests visits removed from my bathroom.
4. you shouldn't have to unplug the fridge to watch the telly.
5 Modern tellys have remotes.
6 the air conditioner (new room because I complained) was so old it ran on coal.
7 you shouldn't have to sleep with the curtain open because the air conditioner can't work with it closed (t'was a bright and early morning).
8 The heritage room is not about culture it's about a heritage listing
9. modern hotels have rail to hang your towel on and a little rack that the toilet roll dangles from - not the Ambassador.
10 Staff were friendly and location is great but so is McDonalds

[billybunter]

My Brother and I and a mate went to Paris for a couple of days, found a cheap hotel. And it was nice! When we checked in we went to take the lift, but only two people could squeeze in. So we took the stairs got to the room, It was massive and had a lounge and a big bathroom and a balcony view. We then went out on the piss We got back at 2am, and it was shut There was a keypad but we didn't know the bloody number. My brother who is fluent in about 8 languages phoned the cops. There answer was tough! So we had to sleep outside on the street At 7.am lights came on. We banged the doors like mad and a bloke let us in. What a row! The night porter went to bed The pass number was on the wall of the lift To cut a long story short we never paid a penny.

[palo5]

You people have lives of luxury, I tell you

[MaxJoker]

Originally Posted by palo5

You people have lives of luxury, I tell you

Typed like a member who has yet to experience a " Premier Inn " stay

Well let me tell you now the only thing premier about the premier inn is the premier lack of anything remotely premier in-n it

I was in one last year and the things i could tell you all.

Hell in fact i`ll tell and show you all right here and now

The main staff - Are women all of them missing a lucrative career in the circus , as in scaring the shit out of constipated elephants . Not kidding those girls were ugly. Don't know if it's company policy to only hire women who had somebody sit on and squash their faces all out of whack when they were born or not ?. But that's what the P.I had done alright.

Room cleaners - All Indian men who knew no English, so didn't know what "Do not disturb " meant . Well that's what i`m gathering anyway since i was disturbed twice over two mornings by an Indian holding a kettle. Not kidding!. He wanted to exchange the kettle i had for the one he had . Fuck knows why though ????. Tried to explain the do not disturb sign AND the fact i hadn't used the kettle since i didn't fancy filling it up from the bath tap. But all he kept doing was pushing the thing at me and pointing at the one on my tray . Bloody annoying or what

The food - First night in and of course after those amazing looking adverts where Our Len (As in Lenny Henry) sits down to a slap up huge delicious meal i thought i`d try my luck . So went down to the "Restaurant". The bell ringers twin sister tried to put me at a table right by the till first of all . Don't know if i seemed like a flight risk or something or she wanted to try and put me off my intended meal ?. Either way i polity declined and went to a table right at the rear so i could sit with nobody at my back (Don't ask it's complicated).She tutted , although god knows why since apart from four old dears i was the only other person there.

I ordered a pint and looked at the menu. Ended up ordering the drunken duck pate ,a cheese and bacon burger with chips and some ribs (Hey i was hungry OK !). The waitress (?) slothed off to get my drink. It was cold enough so i thought so far so good .Downed my pint quickly and the waitress said " Oh" , yeah like it was a magic trick or something. Mind you maybe those mutants ingest their liquid through tentacles ,i don't know

Anyway the pate arrived (Along with pint 2). Now to say it was tasteless is an understatement. Fact if i ever wanted to know what eating play dough was like that pate showed me. It also came with about five tablespoons of the sweetest cranberry sauce in the world , two wafer thin slices of toasted french bread and a deceased lettuce leaf = Awful

Then it was the burgers turn (Pint 3) . Now if i had ever wanted to know what a grilled lump of play dough tasted like ..... You know where i`m going with this right So i`ll describe the chips instead . Although i guess i could have asked the person who`d ordered them before me to describe them. Since the bloody things had obviously been fried three times and came ready salted . So it's nice to know they are so environmentally friendly they re-use other customers left overs . The play dough burger came with five table spoons of onion relish , which was even sweeter than the cranberry sauce had been. Still that friendly lettuce leaf was back again , and judging by those second hand chips no doubt it was the exact same leaf i`d had with my pate

The arrival of the ribs (Pint 4 ) .Drum roll please, in fact any kind of roll would have done me that night . Now i could say that tiny helping of baby back BBQ ribs were chewy , dry and had had a sauce dumped on them that even a pot noodle lover would have gagged at. But then why be so generous ?. Because without a word of an exaggeration those tough little tepid porky bastards were the worst ribs i have ever attempted to eat.

So i didn't

The waitress when she came to collect the third barely touched plate then had the stupidity to say " Was everything alright " then ask " Would you like anything else "

" Would I like anything else ???????? "



Well yes i`d like to see the former SS concentration camp guards who are masquerading as your cooks publicly hanged , and for you to develop a human face

Also turned out the beer was over three pound a pint

So in revenge the next day i bought an hours laptop time (£6) and then deliberately messed up their provider Spectrum accounts signal. Then went and got my £6 back

Was that too evil

Ah faak em , revenge is my middle name and to thine own self be true etc etc

Plus i went to bed hungry due to their inedible second hand slop

Hmmm guess i could have bought a few tubs of Ben and Jerry's from the ice cream dispenser , and a couple bags of crisps with maybe a Pepsi from their snack one ?

Only i didn't fancy spending twenty pound

So off to bed i grumbled

Speaking of bed , lets now get onto my room and some snaps


Heading to London , full of hope and crammed in a seat even a limbless midget would feel uncomfortable in.



Me Casa , please be aware that photo is too scale.



London night life



A welcoming note the next morning.



Also fortunate i didn't eat , since to flush the toilet you needed the finger digit strength of the Hulk !



No idea what liquid was actually inside these things



But they both smelled the same and dried your skin so much you barely needed to use the towels !



Premier bog paper so thin you can actually read a paper through it, and so strong it only takes one weak exhale and you tear it !



Was so fed up and bored i even ended up going to Oxford !



The final assessment of my stay


What do you think

[billybunter]

And there's me thinking Lenny was a happy regular a new premier Inn opened in Belfast last year. I sampled a pint in their bar, well two gulps and left.

[MaxJoker]

Originally Posted by billybunter

And there's me thinking Lenny was a happy regular a new premier Inn opened in Belfast last year. I sampled a pint in their bar, well two gulps and left.

Well at the time of my forced visit (For work) there was a six foot cut out of the dope right by the check in desk.

I think it was meant to help welcome the poor unfortunate souls like me

Bit of a waste really given the girl who then checked me in would have made Igor vomit up a book on how to shit dead dogs


Sorry if that was overly graphic, but a looker she certainly wasn`t

[billybunter]

Originally Posted by GreenSkull

Well at the time of my forced visit (For work) there was a six foot cut out of the dope right by the check in desk.

I think it was meant to help welcome the poor unfortunate souls like me

Bit of a waste really given the girl who then checked me in would have made Igor vomit up a book on how to shit dead dogs


Sorry if that was overly graphic, but a looker she certainly wasn`t

It could have been worse mate You could have woken up with Lenny next to you telling his shit jokes!

[MaxJoker]

Originally Posted by billybunter

It could have been worse mate You could have woken up with Lenny next to you telling his shit jokes!

That`s true

Or even woken up with his ex missus and her half dozen chins

Actually she`d have felt right at home in that beauty staffed hotel

[billybunter]

I'm thinking Alan Partridge.

[scoundrel]

Originally Posted by billybunter

I'm thinking Alan Partridge.

Why Billy? Did you feel bored and so dis-assemble your Corby trouser-press?