Post your corny jokes - Page 1160

**gedly** · October 3rd, 2016, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leegreeneight

I fell asleep at a party once and someone put a teabag in my mouth When I woke up I went mental No one makes a mug outta me

I'll never forget the time somebody put washing powder in my tea. I was literally foaming at the mouth.

**seany65** · October 3rd, 2016, 10:26 PM

One for the brits:

What do you call members of the minor clergy who haven't got underwear?

Knickerless Parsons.

**trailmaster** · October 4th, 2016, 12:49 PM

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies,"Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, " Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies-that's why I am here!"

**photoflex** · October 5th, 2016, 04:45 AM

As stuff was taking over my house, I decided it was time to get rid of some of the more useless items,
just to get used to throwing things away.

In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have started with the boomerang...

**effCup** · October 5th, 2016, 09:59 AM

Just imagine if boomerangs could m̶u̶l̶t̶i̶p̶l̶y̶, er, I mean reproduce?

**trailmaster** · October 5th, 2016, 01:50 PM

What is a sheep's favorite sport?
Baaasket baaall!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her butt.
Doc says, " Im gonna rub honey on my dick and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan. Doctor gets faster and harder.
Woman yells, "What the fck you doing?"
Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

**SanteeFats** · October 5th, 2016, 02:15 PM

You started at the bottom and it's been downhill ever since!

I never forget a face, but in your case I will make an exception.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

**photoflex** · October 6th, 2016, 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by effCup

Just imagine if boomerangs could m̶u̶l̶t̶i̶p̶l̶y̶, er, I mean reproduce?

There's no comeback to that!

**trailmaster** · October 6th, 2016, 11:30 AM

A woman asks her lover, "Would you keep fcking me that much even after marriage?" He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their rooms without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock on the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor. It reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?" Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!"
Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apoplogy he opens the e-mail.
It reads, "Want to buy some?"

**dbailey** · October 6th, 2016, 09:10 PM

As far fetched as this seems......

Donald Trump and Barrack Obama are both getting their hair cut in the same barbers in DC

Donald's mat is finished first and his barber asks him if he wants cologne and he replies....' hell no, my wife will think I have been inside a cheap whore house'

Barack's cut is complete and his barber asks if he would like some cologne and Barack answers........... ' of course, go ahead....Michelle has no idea what the inside of a whore house smells like'

October 3rd, 2016, 10:26 PM	#11592
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,658 Thanks: 80,521 Thanked 32,790 Times in 3,536 Posts	One for the brits: What do you call members of the minor clergy who haven't got underwear? Knickerless Parsons. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

October 5th, 2016, 04:45 AM	#11594
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,584 Thanks: 37,951 Thanked 127,847 Times in 3,571 Posts	As stuff was taking over my house, I decided it was time to get rid of some of the more useless items, just to get used to throwing things away. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have started with the boomerang... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

October 4th, 2016, 12:49 PM	#11593
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,934 Thanks: 1,329,476 Thanked 707,601 Times in 60,108 Posts	This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window... He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor? "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies,"Yes, checking for cancer." Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, " Do you know what I am doing now?" She replies, "Yes, getting herpies-that's why I am here!"

October 5th, 2016, 09:59 AM	#11595
effCup *Vintage Idiot* Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: History Posts: 22,143 Thanks: 226,791 Thanked 357,042 Times in 21,638 Posts	Just imagine if boomerangs could m̶u̶l̶t̶i̶p̶l̶y̶, er, I mean reproduce?

October 5th, 2016, 01:50 PM	#11596
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,934 Thanks: 1,329,476 Thanked 707,601 Times in 60,108 Posts	What is a sheep's favorite sport? Baaasket baaall!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her butt. Doc says, " Im gonna rub honey on my dick and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow." Doctor starts and woman begins to moan. Doctor gets faster and harder. Woman yells, "What the fck you doing?" Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two neighbors are talking to each other. First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me? Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well. First neighbor: Really, well then, how? Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

October 5th, 2016, 02:15 PM	#11597
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,930 Thanks: 282,124 Thanked 815,485 Times in 60,971 Posts	You started at the bottom and it's been downhill ever since! I never forget a face, but in your case I will make an exception. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

October 6th, 2016, 11:30 AM	#11599
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,934 Thanks: 1,329,476 Thanked 707,601 Times in 60,108 Posts	A woman asks her lover, "Would you keep fcking me that much even after marriage?" He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their rooms without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock on the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into his office box on a Monday morning. He checks his e-mails and sees one from his neighbor. It reads, "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?" Outraged the man replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!" Shortly after he receives a second e-mail from his neighbor. Expecting an apoplogy he opens the e-mail. It reads, "Want to buy some?"

October 6th, 2016, 09:10 PM	#11600
dbailey Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Wharfedale, Yorkshire, UK Posts: 2,298 Thanks: 137,978 Thanked 24,966 Times in 2,218 Posts	As far fetched as this seems...... Donald Trump and Barrack Obama are both getting their hair cut in the same barbers in DC Donald's mat is finished first and his barber asks him if he wants cologne and he replies....' hell no, my wife will think I have been inside a cheap whore house' Barack's cut is complete and his barber asks if he would like some cologne and Barack answers........... ' of course, go ahead....Michelle has no idea what the inside of a whore house smells like'