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April 4th, 2018, 06:49 AM | #13261 |
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What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
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April 4th, 2018, 07:11 PM | #13262 |
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A bear having a shit in the woods. A rabbit comes hopping by, the bear asks does the shit stick to your fur. The rabbit replies no. So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with it.
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April 4th, 2018, 08:13 PM | #13263 |
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Isn't that exactly what Donald Trump does with his voters?
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April 4th, 2018, 09:40 PM | #13264 |
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humidor (noun); Spanish comedian
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April 5th, 2018, 06:11 AM | #13265 |
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A few days before his son was due to leave for his first semester at university, a father sat him down for a quiet chat.
“Son,” he said, “in college you’re going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist.” “Dad, you didn’t need to. I’ve already got condoms.” “With a face like yours, you won’t be needing condoms, son. I bought you some anti-depressants.”
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April 5th, 2018, 07:15 AM | #13266 |
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Re: anothercustom
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April 5th, 2018, 09:00 AM | #13267 |
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[QUOTE=
What did the leper say to the call girl? Keep the tip.[/QUOTE] Two lepers playing cards, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.
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April 5th, 2018, 12:54 PM | #13268 |
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from Monty Python:
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dun-n-ng-g-g! And now for something in a similar vein: What masturbatory tool sounds like a bell? Don-n-ng-g-g! |
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April 5th, 2018, 03:39 PM | #13269 |
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Like rabbits, hares mate prodigiously. One female used to mate with every hare in the field on a rota basis. One day she would mate with all the gentle, considerate hares, and on the next she would have sex with the rough, rude hares. This system continued throughout the year, but sometimes the animals would forget whose turn it was on a particular day, and this could lead to hurt feelings.
One of the kind, sensitive male hares complained to a friend: “I don’t know where I stand with her. All morning I’ve been trying to catch her eye, but she just doesn’t want to know.” “Don’t worry,” said the friend. “It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. She’s just having a bad hare day.”
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April 5th, 2018, 04:56 PM | #13270 |
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A Texan visitor to England asked an Englishman to show him the biggest building in town.
“There it is,” said the Englishman. “It’s quite impressive, I must admit.” “You call that big?” scoffed the Texan. “Back in Texas we have buildings just like that but over a hundred times bigger!” “I’m not surprised,” said the Englishman. “That’s the local lunatic asylum!”
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