April 4th, 2017, 09:12 AM | #3391 |
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Granted, but she did visit the web and after reading a post on VEF she purchases:-
A riding crop Some heavy wire (barbed) A pair of pliers A fake set of curling irons (without any thermostatic controls) Some roofing nails she forgets the pentothal. look forward to some pain. I wish I had full Corporate tickets to The Masters, the best hotel room, and flights, and access to the Champions Dinner on Wednesday Night.
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April 6th, 2017, 01:15 AM | #3392 |
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Wish granted, but ISIS has laid on a big terrorist attack for the Champions Dinner. As you stroll into the dining room, crazed and bearded arab dudes pop out of nowhere and start hosing down everyone in sight with AK-47s. You watch in horror as your favorite golfers take bursts of automatic fire and come apart like broken meat puppets. Dustin Johnson takes a full burst in the head and his brains fly all over the room like globs of sticky pink-grey play-doh. Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about his back now.
Screaming in horror, you turn and run down the hall with one of Dustin Johnson's eyeballs stuck to your jacket. You burst out of the club and run for the comparative safety of the golf course. But there are terrorists there too, looking for stragglers. Then you hear a "pssst!". It's trailmaster, who has been lurking about the Masters in the peon section. He points to a safe path back into the rough, and you start heading that way. But then Happy Gilmore pops out of the bushes. He is really pissed at trailmaster, for heckling him during some of his games in earlier years, and he takes a heroic swing at trailmaster with a big putting iron. He misses, and manages to catch you a glancing blow on the temple instead. Down you go into a sand trap, out like a light, and trailmaster flees, abandoning you to your fate. Well, he is trailmaster. For the rest of the evening, the terrorists ignore your supine and inert form, believing you dead. But Donald Trump, enraged at the desecration of a sacred American institution, has ordered the carpet bombing of the Augusta course at dawn. You awake groggy and bleary in the early morning light to the roaring of jet engines. Looking up, the last thing you see is a 500 pound bomb descending upon your head. I wish for a helium filled zeppelin, with a huge gondola cabin dedicated entirely to my personal luxury, so I could cruise slowly above the world in luxurious comfort and ease.
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April 7th, 2017, 01:29 PM | #3393 |
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Wish granted, however, your in your zeppelin with it's luxury accomadations, flying slowly over the world. As you pass over the Pacific ocean your zeppelin is suddenly whisked away by very strong jet stream winds. You try to use the engine to get more control, but the winds are too strong. You zeppelin is blown like this for days and then there is a tear in the balloon and you fall onto what you at first think is a deserted island. Your zeppelin is well stocked with food. You get out only to see this balck horde driving toward you. Oh! no!. It a band of the worst kind of humans. Cannibals. There are hundreds of them. They capture you, destroy the zeppelin and take you away to their camp for the evening feast which is you!!!
I wish I was the captain of a great British warship during the war with Napolean. My ship has 30 great cannon and a great crew of British warriors. We would prowl the Atlantic looking for French ships which we would do battle with. Once we weakened their ships with cannon fire my men would, using grappling hooks get onto the French ships and have sword fights killing all the Frenchmen. Then we would loot their ships. |
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April 8th, 2017, 12:54 AM | #3394 |
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Wish granted:
Upon your arrival at Trafalgar you sail in, pennants flying. Unbeknownst to you all of your gun cotton has been drenched in transit due to the fact you were too cheap to put in for repairs after your last battle. As you sail into the sun Capt. Louis-Antoine-Cyprien Infernet Comander of the Intrépide comes out of the East and takes a starboard pass broadside. You call all hands and order guns at ready. As she sweeps past you give the order to fire from the bow in interval of 8. Your crew obeys but the fuses wont ignite the cotton and fizzle in the casscable. The last thing you hear and see is Intrépide's 30 starboard guns blazeing grape shot and ball your way. We mourn. I wish I had a bigger shop to work in and didnt have to move one thing out to move another in.
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April 8th, 2017, 08:19 AM | #3395 |
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Wish granted, your shop is so large and your memory so poor that everytime you need a fitting or tool you have to walk 4 miles to get it, and always return with one of the wrong size. Your work is so slow you never get another commission.
I wish I could produce and control unlimited amounts of static electricity, so that when I am annoyed in the pub (as I will be tomorrow by bitter fans of a rival team while I and my friends are watching Football) I can simply offer my hand in peace and put them out like a light!
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April 8th, 2017, 10:13 PM | #3396 | |
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http://www.imagebam.com/image/19352a542484625 I wish I was there to watch bowlinggreen getting eaten by cannibals. That'll learn him to wish a coconut on my head when I'm just about to eat Maryann's coconut cream pie. Last edited by Sir Honkers; April 8th, 2017 at 10:30 PM.. |
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April 8th, 2017, 10:27 PM | #3397 | |
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I wish I could get loosegoose into a boxing ring with a super large kangaroo, a rabid Tasmanian devil and a giant 20 foot salt water crocodile. Who ever wins should be made a special V.I.P member of VEF. |
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April 8th, 2017, 10:34 PM | #3398 | |
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I wish to know in what parallel universe getting eaten by a crocodile could stop me from humping Maryann's bubblebutt. |
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April 9th, 2017, 04:59 AM | #3399 | |
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On Earth (12543456) you are being eaten by a crocodile while humping Mary Ian's bubblebutt. The croc does a roll and your wiener is permanently lodged in he/shes bum. I wish Lucy Zara would get a flat tire in front of my shop and show her "appreciation" after I fixed it for her.
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April 9th, 2017, 05:18 AM | #3400 |
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Wish granted. She tosses you a new one pound coin and when you suggest that titty-fucking her would be a more suitable reward, she kicks you in the balls and then breaks your back with a tire iron as you are writhing on the floor in pain.
I wish for two really hot Asian girls to move into my house and do all of the housekeeping, and take care of my sexual needs as well.
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