Post your corny jokes - Page 1202

Aaron · February 19th, 2017, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gmcbee

Here's a Lone Ranger joke. Just the punchline. You can make up the rest:

No, Tonto! I said bring POSSE!

Tonto returned with a tabby cat?

**gedly** · February 19th, 2017, 10:09 AM

I once applied for a patent for a machine that made pancakes. It was turned down flat.

**PJayBr** · February 19th, 2017, 11:58 AM

Teacher : What's your favourite letter?

Pupil : G

Teacher : Why's that Angus.......

**Almero** · February 19th, 2017, 12:33 PM

A study has found that one in ten people in western countries dont own a single book.
This is of course far less worrying than the study that found ten out of ten Muslims own only one book.

My German plumber accidentally hooked up a gas pipe to my shower...
Looks like old habits die hard.

What's the difference between a woman and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

**SanteeFats** · February 20th, 2017, 01:44 PM

A teacher asked Little Johnny if he knew Lincoln's Gettysburg address.
Johnny reply : " I didn't know that Lincoln ever lived in Gettysburg."

A m an with a few ex wives asked a woman to marry him. When she said she had talked to all the ex's and heard some things that worried her. He just said "Oh those are jut old wives tales".

**photoflex** · February 20th, 2017, 05:11 PM

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

**Staffsyeoman** · February 22nd, 2017, 10:24 AM

The wife lay on her bed, dying. "I have to confess something to you.." "Shh, there's no need..." I said. "But I must, for my conscience's sake...I had sex with your brother, his best friend, your best friend and your father.." "I know, that's why I poisoned you. So shut up and go to sleep.."

bjornnotbjorn · February 22nd, 2017, 01:39 PM

10 minutes of silence

**SanteeFats** · February 22nd, 2017, 05:07 PM

After I got married I learned my wife lead a double life. Hers in the morning and mine in the afternoon.

**photoflex** · February 24th, 2017, 02:54 PM

I'm convinced evolution is how we all came to be.
On the other hand, I don't want to go to hell for being an atheist after I die.
So I decided to believe both.

It's a Darwin-win situation.

February 20th, 2017, 05:11 PM	#12016
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,922 Thanked 127,771 Times in 3,570 Posts	A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'" The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck." __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

February 22nd, 2017, 01:39 PM	#12018
bjornnotbjorn Member Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 13 Thanks: 955 Thanked 164 Times in 13 Posts	What's the best thing about a blowjob? 10 minutes of silence

February 24th, 2017, 02:54 PM	#12020
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,922 Thanked 127,771 Times in 3,570 Posts	I'm convinced evolution is how we all came to be. On the other hand, I don't want to go to hell for being an atheist after I die. So I decided to believe both. It's a Darwin-win situation. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

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February 19th, 2017, 10:09 AM	#12012
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,307 Times in 3,171 Posts	I once applied for a patent for a machine that made pancakes. It was turned down flat.

February 19th, 2017, 11:58 AM	#12013
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,309 Thanks: 41,569 Thanked 13,689 Times in 1,280 Posts	Teacher : What's your favourite letter? Pupil : G Teacher : Why's that Angus.......

February 19th, 2017, 12:33 PM	#12014
Almero Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: From Russia with love Posts: 1,432 Thanks: 13,926 Thanked 25,344 Times in 1,425 Posts	A study has found that one in ten people in western countries dont own a single book. This is of course far less worrying than the study that found ten out of ten Muslims own only one book. My German plumber accidentally hooked up a gas pipe to my shower... Looks like old habits die hard. What's the difference between a woman and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

February 20th, 2017, 01:44 PM	#12015
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,786 Times in 60,861 Posts	A teacher asked Little Johnny if he knew Lincoln's Gettysburg address. Johnny reply : " I didn't know that Lincoln ever lived in Gettysburg." A m an with a few ex wives asked a woman to marry him. When she said she had talked to all the ex's and heard some things that worried her. He just said "Oh those are jut old wives tales".

February 22nd, 2017, 10:24 AM	#12017
Staffsyeoman Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 2,268 Thanks: 34,177 Thanked 26,750 Times in 2,159 Posts	The wife lay on her bed, dying. "I have to confess something to you.." "Shh, there's no need..." I said. "But I must, for my conscience's sake...I had sex with your brother, his best friend, your best friend and your father.." "I know, that's why I poisoned you. So shut up and go to sleep.."

February 22nd, 2017, 05:07 PM	#12019
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,813 Thanks: 281,805 Thanked 813,786 Times in 60,861 Posts	After I got married I learned my wife lead a double life. Hers in the morning and mine in the afternoon.