anyone dealt with a parent's prolonged illness? because I'm having difficulty coping - Page 3

**Rogerbh** · April 14th, 2016, 03:56 PM

Being a caregiver is really an unappreciated job, whether I did it or someone else was doing it, the invalid invariably takes the person for granted. The reaction the invalid has to the occasional visitor is night and day compared to the hostility that is shown to the caregiver. I guess that is the natural reaction to the diaper changer from the person who can't take care of themselves anymore.

I hope everything goes well for you. Rest assured although you may get minimal appreciation from the invalid, everyone who knows the situation thanks you for your assistance.

garthok newo · April 14th, 2016, 08:22 PM

Somehow, I never came across this thread before. After reading, I'm sitting here feeling less alone than just a few minutes ago.
I moved in with my parents to take care of them in their 80s. Working full time, looking to replace an ex and trying to convince a stubborn 80 year old swede (with Parkinson's)that climbing up on the roof to clean the gutters wasn't a good idea.
He passed 10 years ago. Then the fun really began. To everyone's relief got mom to give up her keys and driver's license. I retired 4 years ago. I have become a full time attendant. Mom has lost control of her bladder. I take her to the doctor and she refuses to take any meds that might help. She gets up in the middle of the night and stands i front of the frig with the doors open sticking her fingers in food items for an hour or more. I,ve thrown out tons of food due to spoilage.
Even if I tell her I'm going to the store, she'll panic and run to the neighbors with an emergency. My only escape is logging in to VEF perhaps 10 to 20 times a day.
She gets upset if I try to throw out the newspaper ( parts of the house look like an episode of "Hoarders".)
Her memory is mostly gone, she is obsessed with minor things and ignores much more important items. I've used almost all my savings.

Didn't mean to ramble feels better just getting off my chest.

**Girlfan** · May 26th, 2016, 10:41 AM

Huge respect, sympathy and good wishes to any of you out there who are carers. My mother's been gone 17 years now, but I spent more than 5 years looking after her after my Dad died. She'd had two strokes, so couldn't walk more than about 30 yards, tiered easily, and had a huge fear of being alone. I don't regret looking after her for one second, but you can imagine it put huge strains on my working and social life. I had no relationships with women at all in that whole period. To cap it all, she got cancer at the end - fortunately it wasn't a long affair, but the last three months or so were pretty awful.

Keep going, chaps, and as I say, massive respect to you all. You are true heroes!

**vo1v0d** · August 24th, 2016, 12:12 AM

all advice offered can only be of limited usefulness due to area. it really is a postcode lottery. the language is also a problem; when social services offer to put a rush on it ( their words) it means a minimum of six weeks.

April 14th, 2016, 08:22 PM	#22
garthok newo Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 297 Thanks: 92,470 Thanked 3,812 Times in 276 Posts	just seeing this thread Somehow, I never came across this thread before. After reading, I'm sitting here feeling less alone than just a few minutes ago. I moved in with my parents to take care of them in their 80s. Working full time, looking to replace an ex and trying to convince a stubborn 80 year old swede (with Parkinson's)that climbing up on the roof to clean the gutters wasn't a good idea. He passed 10 years ago. Then the fun really began. To everyone's relief got mom to give up her keys and driver's license. I retired 4 years ago. I have become a full time attendant. Mom has lost control of her bladder. I take her to the doctor and she refuses to take any meds that might help. She gets up in the middle of the night and stands i front of the frig with the doors open sticking her fingers in food items for an hour or more. I,ve thrown out tons of food due to spoilage. Even if I tell her I'm going to the store, she'll panic and run to the neighbors with an emergency. My only escape is logging in to VEF perhaps 10 to 20 times a day. She gets upset if I try to throw out the newspaper ( parts of the house look like an episode of "Hoarders".) Her memory is mostly gone, she is obsessed with minor things and ignores much more important items. I've used almost all my savings. Didn't mean to ramble feels better just getting off my chest.

May 26th, 2016, 10:41 AM	#23
Girlfan Vintage Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: England, 'Up North! Posts: 2,297 Thanks: 65,934 Thanked 80,762 Times in 2,314 Posts	Huge respect, sympathy and good wishes to any of you out there who are carers. My mother's been gone 17 years now, but I spent more than 5 years looking after her after my Dad died. She'd had two strokes, so couldn't walk more than about 30 yards, tiered easily, and had a huge fear of being alone. I don't regret looking after her for one second, but you can imagine it put huge strains on my working and social life. I had no relationships with women at all in that whole period. To cap it all, she got cancer at the end - fortunately it wasn't a long affair, but the last three months or so were pretty awful. Keep going, chaps, and as I say, massive respect to you all. You are true heroes! __________________ Girlfan

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April 14th, 2016, 03:56 PM	#21
Rogerbh Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Land of the free within reasonable limitations Posts: 10,906 Thanks: 50,529 Thanked 91,201 Times in 10,751 Posts	Being a caregiver is really an unappreciated job, whether I did it or someone else was doing it, the invalid invariably takes the person for granted. The reaction the invalid has to the occasional visitor is night and day compared to the hostility that is shown to the caregiver. I guess that is the natural reaction to the diaper changer from the person who can't take care of themselves anymore. I hope everything goes well for you. Rest assured although you may get minimal appreciation from the invalid, everyone who knows the situation thanks you for your assistance.

August 24th, 2016, 12:12 AM	#24
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,244 Thanks: 42,269 Thanked 60,701 Times in 7,461 Posts	all advice offered can only be of limited usefulness due to area. it really is a postcode lottery. the language is also a problem; when social services offer to put a rush on it ( their words) it means a minimum of six weeks.