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Old 01-11-2018, 09:28 PM   #1311
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I was shocked last night to learn my 12 year old sister has caught Chlamydia.

I didn't even know I had it!
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Old 01-13-2018, 01:55 AM   #1312
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I asked my girlfriend for a blow job today and she replied with, "Well, what will I get?"

I'm guessing ‘Herpes’ was not the right answer.


What have Chlamydia and a cheating husband got in common?

My wife has both of them and doesn't know about it yet.


1 in 6 women are said to have Chlamydia. Then I must be really unlucky because every woman I sleep with calls me up a few weeks later telling me they got it.
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Old 01-13-2018, 05:37 PM   #1313
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"Open wide, here comes the airplane " ,

Said the Malaysian shark to his son.


Credit where it`s due to Oscar Pistorius ,

I don't think I could stand having no legs.

What's the difference between a nipple and an erect penis ? ,

Nothing according to my nine week old daughter.


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Old 01-13-2018, 06:22 PM   #1314
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A pedophile and a little girl are walking into the woods late at night.

The little girl says, “I’m scared.”

The pedophile says, “You think you’re scared? I have to walk back alone!”



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Old 01-15-2018, 08:50 PM   #1315
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Damn this dyslexia I thought it said Anal
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Old 01-16-2018, 06:14 PM   #1316
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Big Grin What ,too sick and twisted ?

Did you hear about those ninety seven Nigerians who drowned yesterday while on their way to Europe ? ,

Exactly better than nothing.

Love taking my sensitive blind daughter out for a drive ,

Every time hit a speed bump I tell her it`s a dog.


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Old 01-17-2018, 10:51 AM   #1317
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Was watching American Dad! on TV last night and this conversation came up between Stan and Francine:

Francine: "Stan, I think I'm pregnant! I haven't had my period yet!"
Stan: "Well, can't you just jump up and down a bit to get things going?"
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Old 01-17-2018, 12:18 PM   #1318
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For my mother's birthday my dad has bought her a T-Shirt with the words: "I love Dick".
His name is Dean.
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Old 01-17-2018, 05:56 PM   #1319
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Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.


This is yet to be confirmed by scientists, but there are rumours that women have a certain 'spot', and if you hit this spot at exactly the right strength, it will make a woman willing to do anything for you.

It's called the face.


My wife got raped on the way back from the chip shop earlier and was rushed straight to hospital.

I was devastated when I found out. I was really looking forward to those chips.
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Old 01-18-2018, 10:41 AM   #1320
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The most perverted joke ever.

Trump is mentally sane.
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