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Old 01-05-2018, 05:04 PM   #1291
BondJmsBond
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Old 01-07-2018, 04:06 PM   #1292
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50th anniversary of Donald Campbell’s death.

But contrary to reports from the time, they did find his body.

It came out of a tap in Huddersfield in 1968.
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Old 01-07-2018, 04:41 PM   #1293
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Just watched a Documentary on World War II ,

I thought the Nazis sent Jews to "Work" camps ? ,

Yet there they all were milling about wearing Pajamas and often dropping to the ground,

For more sleep no doubt ,

Bloody lazy buggers !.


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Old 01-10-2018, 08:52 PM   #1294
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What’s big, Scottish and depressing?

Scotland.

I was walking through Glasgow today, when I was stopped by a representative from Aquafresh Toothpaste. She said, "Did you know that the average person only brushes 30% of their teeth?" I said, "We're in Glasgow love, the average person only has 30% of their teeth."
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:36 PM   #1295
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The Scottish Alphabet:

A, B, Cunt
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Old 01-10-2018, 11:55 PM   #1296
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For my stag do, my best man said he was taking me where only the very tightest cunts in the world could be found.

Lidl in Glasgow.

What do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout France?

The French.
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:28 PM   #1297
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I recently visited a second hand shop and got a second rate hand job
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Old 01-11-2018, 08:28 PM   #1298
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I was shocked last night to learn my 12 year old sister has caught Chlamydia.

I didn't even know I had it!
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Old 01-13-2018, 12:55 AM   #1299
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I asked my girlfriend for a blow job today and she replied with, "Well, what will I get?"

I'm guessing ‘Herpes’ was not the right answer.


What have Chlamydia and a cheating husband got in common?

My wife has both of them and doesn't know about it yet.


1 in 6 women are said to have Chlamydia. Then I must be really unlucky because every woman I sleep with calls me up a few weeks later telling me they got it.
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Old 01-13-2018, 04:37 PM   #1300
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"Open wide, here comes the airplane " ,

Said the Malaysian shark to his son.


Credit where it`s due to Oscar Pistorius ,

I don't think I could stand having no legs.

What's the difference between a nipple and an erect penis ? ,

Nothing according to my nine week old daughter.


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