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Old 01-10-2018, 11:55 PM   #1301
risen
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For my stag do, my best man said he was taking me where only the very tightest cunts in the world could be found.

Lidl in Glasgow.

What do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout France?

The French.
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Old 01-11-2018, 02:28 PM   #1302
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I recently visited a second hand shop and got a second rate hand job
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Old 01-11-2018, 08:28 PM   #1303
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I was shocked last night to learn my 12 year old sister has caught Chlamydia.

I didn't even know I had it!
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Old 01-13-2018, 12:55 AM   #1304
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I asked my girlfriend for a blow job today and she replied with, "Well, what will I get?"

I'm guessing ‘Herpes’ was not the right answer.


What have Chlamydia and a cheating husband got in common?

My wife has both of them and doesn't know about it yet.


1 in 6 women are said to have Chlamydia. Then I must be really unlucky because every woman I sleep with calls me up a few weeks later telling me they got it.
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Old 01-13-2018, 04:37 PM   #1305
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"Open wide, here comes the airplane " ,

Said the Malaysian shark to his son.


Credit where it`s due to Oscar Pistorius ,

I don't think I could stand having no legs.

What's the difference between a nipple and an erect penis ? ,

Nothing according to my nine week old daughter.


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Old 01-13-2018, 05:22 PM   #1306
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A pedophile and a little girl are walking into the woods late at night.

The little girl says, “I’m scared.”

The pedophile says, “You think you’re scared? I have to walk back alone!”



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Old 01-15-2018, 07:50 PM   #1307
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Damn this dyslexia I thought it said Anal
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:14 PM   #1308
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Big Grin What ,too sick and twisted ?

Did you hear about those ninety seven Nigerians who drowned yesterday while on their way to Europe ? ,

Exactly better than nothing.

Love taking my sensitive blind daughter out for a drive ,

Every time hit a speed bump I tell her it`s a dog.


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Old 01-17-2018, 09:51 AM   #1309
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Was watching American Dad! on TV last night and this conversation came up between Stan and Francine:

Francine: "Stan, I think I'm pregnant! I haven't had my period yet!"
Stan: "Well, can't you just jump up and down a bit to get things going?"
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Old 01-17-2018, 11:18 AM   #1310
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For my mother's birthday my dad has bought her a T-Shirt with the words: "I love Dick".
His name is Dean.
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